Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today, I took my kid to Busch Gardens. All he said was, "Can we use the claw machines?" He wouldn't ride rides, watch shows, eat, or participate in anything besides begging to play the damn claw machines. I paid for the full day and dragged him out screaming after three hours. FML
Today, I have an exam soon, and I felt like eating something that was able to fill my belly, only to get my right hand's fingers accidentally splashed by boiling water. After a while, the pain isn't that agonizing, but it's annoying. I'm right-handed and I need to study. I deserved it. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML
Today, someone has been knocking at my back door all day then running away, driving me mad. Turns out, next door has a new dog and the knocking was actually the dog wagging its tail hard against their back door. This means it won’t ever stop, it’s going to keep banging that damn tail forever. FML
Today, after my landlord announced a "surprise" apartment inspection, I spent the entire night cleaning every room, scrubbing the oven, and organizing closets. The inspector walked in, looked around for 20 seconds, checked for a smoke detector, then left. FML
Today, I was editing sound on a recording of a live music show. The woman who hired me said she wanted less reverb. I told her that this is how the recording was and I can't magically remove acoustic reverb from something recorded in a church. FML
Today, the cold I caught last Friday decided to go into the home stretch the day after Christmas. I have sneezing fits late at night. Typically ten sneezes or more in a row and I have no idea when this stupid cold will end. Surprisingly, the worst I had before this was a sore throat and a bit of dry mouth. That's it. FML
Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff, and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML
Today, while working at my call center, I took a phone call. The guy on the other line just yelled "FUCK YOU!" twice at the top of his lungs before hanging up on me. But of course, the phone agent is always at fault. FML
Today, my Scout troop was to work on my Eagle project. We specifically told everyone where to be and when, except one annoying kid we don't want there. His mother pawns him off on us because he's an aggressive, violent little maggot who can't be trusted with a Fisher-Price screwdriver. Guess who showed up anyway. FML
Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML
Today, I cleaned my closet a few nights ago and my sisters decided to take all of laundry I'd folded for the family and threw it in the closet, instead of actually taking it to the rooms of who it belonged to. Nobody in the house can find their clothes, and I have to locate everything in a 3x4 foot closet piled to the roof. FML
Today, my neighbour is a doctor and has a 2 year-old son. He has a stomach infection and has been crying non stop day and night for a week now. The woman is not taking him to the hospital or giving him medicines, because it's "just diarrhea" and will "go away." The crying is driving me mad. I can't sleep. FML
Today, I decided to clean out my closet and donate some clothes to charity. As I was carrying a heavy bag of clothes down the stairs, I tripped and fell, spilling everything everywhere. I had to start all over again. FML
Today, I was informed that my school doesn't allow us to log onto our school accounts on a separate device, but I literally bought a whole entire MacBook for school, only to be given this news. This isn't normal of any other schools, so I don't know why my school is like this. FML
Today, I have fibromyalgia and ADHD. I either have no energy, no focus, or no energy for anything, or I burn out trying to do everything. Meanwhile, my mother is adamant that I can be "cured" if I stop eating sugar. I'm allergic to most sweeteners and she won't believe me, and thinks she knows better than my doc. FML
Today, while playing cards, me and my boyfriend were getting super competitive and started wagering sexual stuff. His first and only choice: anal. Why only anal? All the time anal, there’s hundreds of other things to try, why do men always go straight to anal? It’s gets boring after a while. FML
Today, I texted my mom and had to explain to her that calling me repeatedly at 2 a.m. because you're bored and want to talk is not really a good idea. Seriously, nothing happened, she just wanted to chat because she had nothing else to do. Her response to my message? She started calling me again. FML
Today, I had to say, "Put away your burrito," "That ruler is not a lightsaber," and, "Stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
Today, I found out that I didn't get a job I really wanted, despite doing well on third round interviews (3 hours with 6 people), and having a good connection with the person I would've reported to. Now I'm upset and dropping the ball on emailing interviewers for the other good leads I have. FML
Today I knocked on one of my roommate's door and asked her to stop vacuuming since it's was late. She started to record me and went on a tirade about how none of the girls there respect her. She has previously tried to push two girls down the stairs. Her lease isn't up for 4 more months. FML
Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML
Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML
Today, I was trying to cope with my emotions so I could hold them back, but mom made it worse by inviting my niece, who is only attracted to my sister-in-law AKA Mommy, and she will cry till she gets her way. What a fucking day. FML
Today, I replaced the broken hot plates in my stove, only to realize that something else is broken, and it's still is not usable. I had to change it all back before I could even heat dinner. This was after I had carried the thing up and down the stairs by myself, and spent an entire afternoon cleaning it. FML
Today, I kindly asked my irate mother to respect my boundaries and to find other outlets for her frustration. Instead of responding AT ALL to what I had asked, she yelled at me for an hour about a completely unrelated political documentary she'd seen on YouTube, and then didn't apologize for her outburst. Typical. FML
Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5 a.m., my mom loudly knocked and came in. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML
Today, I keep getting prank calls from unknown numbers. They keep making fun of my dog’s death, calling me a fat and stupid loser who can’t get laid, and making sexual moaning noises. I can’t block “Unknown” numbers. It got so overwhelming that I broke down in tears. FML
Today, I once again had to explain to yet another student up for expulsion that hate speech, slurs, threats, and sexual harassment are NOT “protected by their first amendment rights.” How these idiots even got into college is beyond me. FML
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