Anonymous
Growing old sucks
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
All the FMLs
Lorna
Sharing is caring
Today, I got a 15% pay raise. My parents responded by saying, “Congratulations! You can now forget about online shopping packages coming in on a weekly basis and start chipping in for rent and utilities!” FML
Anonymous
Peace and quiet
Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML
Anonymous
Worried?
Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML
Anonymous
Ireland
Walk it off
Today, after running a marathon, I was knackered but feeling great. I was walking to my car when I stepped on a shard of glass and had to go to the emergency room to get it removed. I ended up missing the marathon after-party and had to spend the rest of the day in the hospital. FML
Anonymous
Healthy lifestyle goals
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
London, United Kingdom
Primal
Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Petrol head
Today, while on a road trip with my friends, we stopped at a gas station to fill up. While I was pumping gas, a gust of wind blew my hat off and it landed in a puddle of gasoline. When I picked it up, my hands were covered in gasoline, so I smelled like a gas station for the rest of the trip. FML
Puffy
Deadbeat
Today, I’m packing up to leave my home and move back to my mother's with my newborn a week postpartum, all because when I was at the hospital, I overheard my husband say to his buddy on the phone that this “father stuff” is way more than he bargained for and that he’s tired of pretending to find me attractive. FML
F Capitalist somms
Pay people a living wage
Today, I received a very angry email from the lady who interviewed me for a position at a clothing store. She told me I was entitled, unprofessional, and greedy. Apparently, “Because I need money to pay my bills and feed my daughter” wasn’t an appropriate response to, “Why do you wanna work here?” FML
Need eye bleach
United States
Put it away!
Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML
Username
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United States
Biology lesson time
Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML
ThatLove
Worb, Switzerland
Too realistic
Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML
Anonymous
United States
Your love is cancelled
Today, and for the past few weeks, I've been dating a new guy. Things were going well, we had planned a romantic weekend getaway, but when we got to the hotel, we found out that our reservation had been cancelled. The hotel was fully booked, and we had to spend the night in separate rooms at a sketchy motel. FML
not fat shaming!
Clothes Shire horse
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight after I asked him repeatedly to tell his daughter to stop wearing my clothes. She stretches them out and has busted seams. The last straw was when she broke the heels on my very expensive shoes. I'm not being mean, she’s a size 14 and I’m a 6. FML
Bored
United States
Classic Redditor
Today, most of my day was spent repeatedly checking to see how well my Reddit posts have been performing as of late. I think I need to find a hobby. FML
Anonymous
Leeds, United Kingdom
The temptation of the fries
Today, despite trying to lose weight for months and making progress, I went out to lunch with coworkers and ended up eating a huge burger and fries. When I got back to the office, I noticed that I'd spilled ketchup all over my shirt. Now I not only feel guilty about the food I ate but I also look like a slob. FML
sad drummer
This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff
La Jolla, United States
Rhythm section
Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML
Anonymous
Tempe, United States
Brace yourself
Today, my orthodontist thought it would be a good idea to put braces on the teeth in the very back. One bracket popped off twice, after which he shoved a metal band in my mouth onto one of my teeth, cutting my gums, and causing gushing blood. Now, I can’t eat anything unless it’s baby food and I have a lisp. FML
Anonymous
Tunisia
Wicked game
Today, I was gonna tell my crush that I love her, but I found out that she has a fiancé. She kept it secret so I would carry on helping her in her studies, like a fool. She was acting like she liked me, but she never did. Now it seems very obvious. FML
Anonymous
Act of god
Today, I purchased a new car. On the drive home, gusts of wind blew up debris and pebbles and caused little chips in the paint and small chips on the windshield. FML
Anonymous
Entitled
Today, my redneck mother, who I parted ways from years ago, found out I became wealthy in my 30s so she turned up at my house, thinking she could just move in. Then she tried to demand the money I owed for giving birth to me, and camped on my lawn until I called the cops, FML
iamatthewroberts
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United States
Supportive
Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML
Anonymous
Undo! Undo!
Today, I emailed a bunch of documents to a potential client, only to later realise later I'd also emailed them a folder of mine and my husband's very intimate photos. There’s things in there we only do when I’m very drunk, and am very embarrassed by. I’ve been ducking my bosses calls for two hours. FML
Anonymous
The wedding from hell
Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML
Dragon
Felt cute, may delete myself later
Today, in an attempt to flirt with a cute guy in art class I barely know, I put on his sweater while he was in the bathroom. He came back just in time to see me spill white paint all over it. FML
Anonymous
Australia
I'm outta here
Today, I was dating someone who completely believed cyborgs killed his family, although they are very much alive. He also faked having relationships a couple of times, and last but not least he pretended to be someone else he was stalking in real life for 3 years. I only found this out after I broke up with him. FML
evilsandwich
This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff
London, Canada
Welcome home
Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML
Hatim
Sharjah, United Arab Emirates
Strike while the iron is hot
Today, I had an appointment with my dentist to check for cavities. He told me that most of my teeth have cavities, and that I may need a root canal. In fact, I ended up actually getting a painful root canal. FML
Anonymous
Calgary, Canada
Ditch him
Today, I got blown off by my “exclusive partner” on the night of my birthday supper, only to find out he went on a Tinder date with my friend. FML