EggyBum · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

To make an omelette

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 256 You deserved it 30 954

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pushover · 13 July 2026, 03:00 ·United States

So cute!

Today, I walked into a pet store "just to look." Thirty minutes later, I walked out with a hamster, a cage, toys, treats, and absolutely no idea how I'll explain this to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 475

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Anonymous · 13 July 2026, 00:00 ·Rapid City, United States

Trusting

Today, after reminding my mother that I couldn't watch my father 5 days a week, she threw another temper tantrum and insisted that her druggie friend, who trusts everyone and drives my dad nuts, could watch him. This is how they are gonna get robbed, so I keep losing time with the husband and kids because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 72

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Environmentalist man wanted · 12 July 2026, 22:00 ·Chesapeake, United States

Values

Today, I met an awesome guy. He turned out to be very well off at a young age, which excited me, until I learned that he works for a power company and is very enthusiastic about his career. I don't know if I can date him knowing his company is destroying the planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 786

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Jimmy · 12 July 2026, 20:00 ·Secaucus, United States

Windfall

Today, I went to a casino with $300 to spend and somehow walked out with $21K. When I told my wife, she sighed and moaned about how annoying taxes will be, and how I should have pushed my luck further. The house always wins, even when it loses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442 You deserved it 70

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Awkwaaaaard

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 019 You deserved it 2 763

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Anonymous · 12 July 2026, 15:00 ·Saskatoon, Canada

You're not alone

Today, I'm a recovering self-harm addict (yes, that’s a thing). I’ve been doing well for years, but lately I’ve had intense urges to hurt myself by biting or scratching. I know the urges would go away if I acted on them, but I don’t want to hurt my family by hurting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405 You deserved it 78

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"Bad" Uncle K · 12 July 2026, 12:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Shoutout to the big JC

Today, my sister, brother-in-law, and all his family cusses at me and has labeled me as a "bad influence" to my nephew. He is smart, good looking, and has A LOT of future opportunities in life. They found out I'm supporting his "worthless" and "penniless" career of choice. He's dead set on being a Roman Catholic priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318 You deserved it 161

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Dumb girl · 12 July 2026, 09:00 ·New York, United States

Panic mode

Today, I locked my keys in the house. I panicked so hard and immediately started kicking the door, desperate to get my keys. My boyfriend, who I forgot was staying over, woke up and opened the door right as I kicked it, and the door smashed into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 You deserved it 480

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soldier · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

What are you doing?

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 872 You deserved it 10 750

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Anonymous · 12 July 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Sorry sweaty…

Today, I had to tell my daughter that she can't go on the cruise with her cousins because she has strep throat. She's been raging and screaming and crying for hours, even accusing us of deliberately making her sick. My heart is just shattered and I don't know how to deal with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 12 July 2026, 00:00 ·Santa Ana, United States

Literally #FAFO

Today, I’ve been in mama bear mode, fiercely defending my 20 year-old son against several slanderous paternity claims. Good news; one test came back negative. Bad news; five others came back positive. Now none of the girls wants me to see my grandchildren because I sided with my boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 You deserved it 964

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Hackme · 11 July 2026, 22:00 ·San Diego, United States

YouTube? OurTube!

Today, I managed to convince my wife that a random YouTube profile logged into our bedroom TV was a hacker who'd hacked our Wi-Fi and planted a virus on our TV. She ate it up like an all you can eat buffet. The profile is actually a coworker of mine, who I’ve been secretly seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 You deserved it 1 031

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Anonymous · 11 July 2026, 20:00 ·Canada

Radar

Today, I was woken up at 5:15 AM to the lovely sounds of my cat barfing in three different places on my bedroom carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327 You deserved it 80

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raesos91 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Houston, United States

Gross

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 223 You deserved it 2 904

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Ouchiewowow · 11 July 2026, 15:00 ·Montreal, Canada

One hell of a hangover

Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 You deserved it 1 034

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Anonymous · 11 July 2026, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

I think you should leave

Today, one of my employees lied to his mother and told her that I’m his girlfriend, so she actually came to invite me to Sunday dinner. Nice woman, but I had to tell her he lied, since I’m married, to my wife. She kicked up a huge stink in the shop and accused me of using her son for "hetero sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 433 You deserved it 65

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Anonymous · 11 July 2026, 09:00 ·Canada

Like and subscribe!

Today, after I bought a giant bag of birdseed yesterday because birds kept visiting my balcony, I woke up to dozens of pigeons waiting outside my door like I'd accidentally started a subscription service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 You deserved it 397

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clarakipper · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Toronto, Canada

Keeping up appearances

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 848 You deserved it 2 793

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Anonymous · 11 July 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Tyrannical

Today, I got to sports practice 30 seconds late and got kicked out for "poor time management". FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 You deserved it 192

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Anonymous · 10 July 2026, 22:00 ·United States

In and out

Today, after finding $50 on the sidewalk this morning and feeling like the luckiest person alive, I got a parking ticket for $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335 You deserved it 137

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naive · 10 July 2026, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Thank you, kind stranger

Today, I spent twenty minutes helping an elderly man figure out how to use the self-checkout. When we'd finished, he smiled, thanked me, then walked away… without paying for any of his groceries. The cashier assumed I was with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·San Antonio, United States

Drowning

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418 You deserved it 2 041

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Anonymous · 10 July 2026, 15:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Are you my new mommy?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of six years has a five year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · 10 July 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Reasonable

Today, my wife and I have been fighting and she's accusing me of being too controlling because I absolutely forbid her from putting pictures of our kids on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 185

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Anonymous · 10 July 2026, 09:00 ·Portlaoise, Ireland

Disappearing act

Today, I lost the pantyliner I was wearing. It's a hot, sweaty day, and I think the adhesive stopped working. I had a piano lesson right before I noticed it was missing. I'm having visions of it resting on my hot male piano teacher's floor. Or it fell out on the street somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352 You deserved it 74

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Matt8 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Can't stop, won't stop

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 857 You deserved it 2 171

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WhatNow · 10 July 2026, 03:00 ·Germany

Sibling rivalry

Today, after seven years, I finally found out why my sister was mad at me: Because I had to get admitted to give birth on the day she had planned her baby shower, which she didn't inform me about or invite me to. As I stole her thunder by giving birth, being full term 44 weeks and way past my due date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423 You deserved it 60

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Anonymous · 10 July 2026, 00:00 ·Kowloon, Hong Kong

Hang in there

Today, everything is falling apart. I hate my job where I get to pick up the mess of clients who don't think. Insane weather: strong rain all the time, and I have to go outside for work. Also, applying for Master's but no offers yet. I desperately want to switch jobs. I feel so alone in this. Health is fucked up. Skipped periods for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345 You deserved it 79

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Middle Age Divorced Dad · 9 July 2026, 22:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Pied piper

Today, the school called and their first words were, "We only took our eyes off her for a second." It's worse than you can imagine. My daughter had been digging a hole under the fence at the back of the schoolyard all week. She lead a breakout of her kindergarten class under the fence and down a commuter railway track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 68

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