Nearly FMLs

By SickAndTired - 25/06/2018 04:29

Today, I finally went to the doctor after years of severe anxiety related to my vomit and diarrhoea phobia. I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication. There are only two main side effects though, vomiting and diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 3

By WhyMe? - 24/06/2018 23:31

Today, my ex accidentally added me to a group chat with one of the people he cheated on me with. The group chat was about sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By JienNidej - 24/06/2018 22:08

Today, I got scammed 150euros in India. It's only my second week. I have 600 left and my VISA won't work on any of the ATMs. I have 2 more months here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 12

By ken - 24/06/2018 19:58

Today, my Obi Wan Kenobi lightsaber replica arrived in the post. My mom took one look at it and smashed it with a hammer because she apparently has a brand new rule about weapons in her house. In what possible way could she possibly think a replica lightsaber handle with no blade is a weapon? FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 7

By nonnified - 24/06/2018 19:00

Today, the girl I like told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. Last month, she told me she wanted to be more than friends. I don't know what else there is, and now she's mad that I can't figure out what she wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 657

You deserved it 419

By WorstDayEver - 24/06/2018 17:38

Today, as a biology student, we learned about embryology. Our professor showed us preserved animal fetuses and placentas, including a human's. I utterly hate fetuses and felt extremely nauseous. Guess who also has a phobia of throwing up? I ended up standing in a corner white as a sheet trying not to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 12

By 23supervirgin - 24/06/2018 13:33

Today, I went on my first date ever with a girl. We ended up having a 3-hour game of "Never Have I Ever", where she found out slowly and painfully that I am a kissless, handholdless, airless, handjobless, hourglass virgin. She's done absolutely every sex thing imaginable. I'm 23. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 25

By Des - 24/06/2018 02:57 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, it seems my husband was sleepwalking again. He missed the toilet, and instead pissed all over the floor and my stock of pads and tampons next to the toilet. Now our bathroom reeks of piss, I've no idea how to clean it up, my womanly supplies are ruined, and my period just started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By Ledow - 24/06/2018 02:25 - United Kingdom

Today, after lots of fighting with my parents to be allowed to go to university (they wanted me to just start working), I told them that I had graduated with honours. Their first words on hearing this and my results were "Well, that's not as good as your brother, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 4

By Stevie - 23/06/2018 14:08 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was getting my haircut, my stylist asked me if I was still in high school. Extremely flattered, I answered, "No, I'm in my 30's." The stylist looked at me, and said, "Oh...so do you eat a lot of foods?" It was then I realized she was referring to my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

By LadyA - 23/06/2018 14:50 - United States - Hutchinson

Today, I had to borrow my mom's car. Last month my engine exploded. I managed to find 2k for a new car, but it's all I had since I'm in the process of filing medical bankruptcy and disabled. I finally found a great car. The transmission went out a week later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 2

By "UnluckyHawkFan" - 23/06/2018 17:53

Today, while driving to my wife's first job interview after 3 years of being a stay at home mom, a fire truck blocked 2 lanes to pull dead kittens out of a storm drain. Then, while getting off the freeway, a seagull dropped a fish on our car. She can't help but see them as bad omens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 1

By CheshireINSanity - 23/06/2018 17:09

Today, I tried to tone my bleached bangs to get them more white using a titanium color leaving conditioner. It came out bright blue. I have a dance performance today and my job in two days doesn’t allow “unnatural hair colors”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 40

By tranced_ - 23/06/2018 11:16

Today, I had to pee too badly that I entered into a female washroom by mistake as I was in a hurry. There was a lady breastfeeding her baby who punched me so hard that I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 17

By Alex - 23/06/2018 02:39

Today, my cats got into the bathroom and one of them pooped in a corner under the tub. After cleaning for over an hour, I left the door open for one minute to go throw out the bag of filth. In that minute a different cat went in and pooped in the same, almost impossible to reach spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 14

By Whyme - 23/06/2018 02:18

Today, after arguing with my girlfriend of 4 years about why we're not ready for kids, I found out she has been cheating on me. She also maxed out both her credit cards totalling $15,000. On top of that, the dinner that she said she got me before any of this was just her leftovers from lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 7

By Reiko - 22/06/2018 22:40

Today, I’m an emotional wreck. Why? Because I made a horrible typo in a programme that replaced the name of a deceased person with the name of a person who’s very much alive and didn’t realise it until after I had printed over four hundred copies for today’s show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 19

By midnightxshadow_fml - 22/06/2018 21:43

Today, after a month of separation, my ex informed me that he has a new girlfriend and she is the love of his life. The reason we broke up is because he didn’t want the responsibilities of a relationship anymore. We dated for more than 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Loser4life - 22/06/2018 18:59

Today, my mom told me that they were planning a surprise party for my 16th birthday because she got tired of me telling her I wanted to have a party. She told me that my sisters never wanted anything special. They had limos, arcade games, rock climbing, etc. While I never had any of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 4

By NGxWARRIORx321 - 22/06/2018 18:28

Today, I re-enlisted in the national guard, got a bonus, and l got a federal technician job that I had been hoping for. But, of course now they said I have to forfeit my $20,000 dollar bonus because working as an aviation federal technician is my “bonus”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 6

By "Kilamo" - 22/06/2018 10:45

Today I came home sick from work to find someone I considered a friend with her mouth on my fiance's dick and his face buried in her cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 22/06/2018 10:43

Today, I told my five year old to put his cheeky little butt to bed. Off he went, only to reappear seconds later, announcing his butt was in the bed. I should not have stolen his nose so much, now he’s using the easily-removable-body-parts-game against me, FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 20

By sammie - 22/06/2018 04:38 - United States

Today, I'm supposed to be celebrating my birthday, but instead I am on my 5th hour at the ER since a drunk idiot punched my boyfriend down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 4

By BDTFA - 22/06/2018 06:33

Today, I found out my own parents didn't realize I had my eighteenth birthday coming up tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 22/06/2018 05:40

Today, after having a conversation about how I was seeing a therapist to help manage stress, my boss told me that the only other employee in my department is on an indefinite sabbatical. Again. This is the second time in a year, and the first time drove me to the therapist in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 7

By "silentsweetness" - 22/06/2018 05:37

Today I decided to join my husband in the shower as we were in need of some sexy alone time. After playing with him for some time he admitted to already masturbating in the couple minutes it took to put the kids to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 8

By silence_is_golden - 22/06/2018 05:01

Today, I was working remote and muted my microphone for the morning meeting. After my boss asks me a question, I animated promptly, only to hear my boss and colleagues laughing loudly over the phone. I seem that I pressed the button just in time for everybody to hear me flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 22/06/2018 03:45

Today, I stayed up for my girlfriend to come back from a 2 week vacation. We just moved in together and I finished setting everything up a few hours before she got back. After 5 minutes of being back and a 2 years together, she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 22/06/2018 02:28

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he’d still love me if I was fat due to me cooling off my stomach over the air conditioner and my shirt was making me look huge. And he answered, “Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be more than friends with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 15

By hannah - 21/06/2018 19:20

Today, I saw a girl wearing the same shirt as me and I wanted to high five her. I guess she didn’t have quite the same idea I have, considering I’m now in the ER with a broken and bloodied face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 23

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The Top

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 246

You deserved it 3 465

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 040

You deserved it 12 022

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 054

You deserved it 27 975

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 314

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 440

You deserved it 14 177

Today, I woke to the sound of my baby crying at 4 a.m. I also heard my partner snoring, knowing he was not beside me and the baby was not in her crib, I went into the nursery. There was my crying baby laying across my snoring partner's chest. Guess he fell asleep during feeding time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 471

You deserved it 1 836