Random Spicy

Not now

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 6 660

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 081

You deserved it 45 968

By picaboo - 10/08/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 088

You deserved it 68 457

Happy families

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 13:58

Today, I just found out that my mom is cheating on my dad. I went to give my dad the evidence I'd gathered, and he just said he knew, and that he’s cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 150

Horny

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 14:02

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I got turned on by a knothole in a tree trunk because it looked a lot like a woman’s downstairs area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 139

My eyes! My eyes!

By Audrey - 21/07/2020 14:01

Today, I walked in on my mom masturbating. I want to run away. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 684

Dad, no, enough!

By Tooyoungforthis - 04/01/2013 00:34 - United States - Arvada

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 607

You deserved it 2 312

Left on read

By Anonymous - 01/11/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling saucy so I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. He then set it as his laptop's desktop screen, took a picture, then sent to me saying, "Hmm, should probably change this before Monday", only he didn't send it me, he sent to his family group chat with his mum and sisters and didn't realise. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 454

More context please !

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 02:00

Today, my girlfriend tried to distract me from an argument I was winning by taking off her clothes for sex. Then she got mad when I told her to grow up and get dressed. By the way, the fight was over how she threw my mom's ashes in the trash, I don’t care if we never have sex again, I’m gonna win this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 259

NSFW

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 682

You deserved it 47 716

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 552

You deserved it 87 634

Appalling behavior

By he didnt know - 02/03/2025 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 133

The one that got away

By well that sucks - 23/03/2022 00:01

Today, I tried to reconnect with my high school sweetheart, or so I thought. When I called and told her who I was, she laughed and said, “Look dude, I was so depressed in high school, I fucked half the school as a form of self harm!” and hung up. I was so in love, and lost my virginity to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 014

You deserved it 395

By Judy69 - 07/04/2012 07:04 - United States - Dekalb

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 6 045

Dweebs

By XxtentaculonxX - 08/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 836

You deserved it 32 584

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 08:55 - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 228

You deserved it 7 469

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 19:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 821

You deserved it 43 651

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 209

Take it easy

By rapunzelsvaghair - 06/03/2023 06:00

Today, I flicked the bean so hard I fainted. I was in the shower and ended up coming to a few seconds later. I’m now too traumatized to use my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 564

Call CPS

By Help please - 31/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I caught my son "experimenting" with his female friend. When I called her mom and told her what was happening, she said, "I didn't raise a whore. You can keep her!" and hung up. They're both 9. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 143

Oddly specific reference

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend whispered, “Grond will breach it” into my ear, all sexy like. I had no idea what he was on about, so when we were done screwing I looked it up. Grond is a battering ram from a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings that smashes a gate open. Just why? Nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 393

Bad start

By fuck but no fuck - 02/08/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 172

You deserved it 28 498

Online shopping

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 02:04 - Australia

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo, a jockstrap, and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 1 539

By stdfree_hopefully - 15/04/2018 06:00

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 866

You deserved it 2 188

By NinjaPanda88 - 01/08/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 937

You deserved it 16 907

By adalia - 19/07/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 261

You deserved it 4 962

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 01:29 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 605

You deserved it 5 769

I'm bringing sexy back

By Not-so-sexy - 04/12/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he replied was, "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 517

You deserved it 6 901

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 125

You deserved it 4 519

Nice try

By realitybites - 08/07/2013 17:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 185

You deserved it 7 343

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 128 086

Today, my abusive ex-boyfriend contacted me for the first time in almost 14 years, to apologize for how he treated me while we were still together. It brought back all the old memories that I thought I had finally overcome, and made me have such a bad panic attack that I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 161

Today, my boyfriend said he's in love with another woman and is leaving me. This wouldn't be as bad if I weren't seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 222

You deserved it 684

Today, I paid for earrings at a craft fair. A kid came up from behind and started crying. The kid's mom said the kid saw earrings first and dropped them to grab an adult. The kid was allowed to cry hysterically until the hall went silent. I said, “You can have it.” Suddenly, the kid stops crying and the mom goes, “Oh that’s so kind, are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 309

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 635

You deserved it 5 078

Today, I cleaned out my house and placed multiple boxes of clothes and books in my two-seated truck to take to the Goodwill. While turning onto the highway, everything tumbled on top of me, sending me crashing into a guardrail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 609

You deserved it 8 475