Nearly FMLs

By dexasterous - 21/06/2018 15:00

Today, a customer came in angry because his order was wrong. My manager told him I made the mistake and I listened for 20 minutes while this guy insulted me. After the issue was resolved, my manager told me that he actually messed up the order, but didn't want to deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 019

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 21/06/2018 18:38 - Japan - Usa

Today, my mom got angry at me for "Spending too much time on the internet". I've already explained to her that I'm working on a story and publishing it online. I showed her my popular book, but still doesn't stop bugging me. She spends way more time on her laptop than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 8

By kaycee2815 - 21/06/2018 02:25 - United States

Today, my 75 year old Father-in law was showing me some online images of his hometown when the safari app suddenly decided to display LARGE thumbnails of open tabs. The unmistakable image of the porn webpage he had open is forever seared into my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By Lilpoof3 - 21/06/2018 00:43 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was doing some extracurricular activities with my hubby. We were positioned in a way that my rear was near his face. Right when things were getting really heated I farted right in his face. Now he keeps making jokes I gave him pink eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 19

By Annie - 21/06/2018 06:38

Today, I found out that the person I thought of as my best friend picked her bridal party. Despite us planning to be one another's maid of honor at each other's weddings, something we'd talked about often, I was not asked to be a bridesmaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 3

By carprobs - 21/06/2018 06:12

Today I purchased a new car after my recent cars engine blew. On the way home from purchasing the new car the transmission blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 4

By "Stephanie Green" - 21/06/2018 05:41

Today just as I'm about to start a 3 day driving vacation, I get an infection in my eye, causing me to wear an eyepatch obstructing my view.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By Elizabeth Ann - 21/06/2018 04:48

Today at camp a kid intentionally glued their butt to the seat. While trying to unstick her, the girl’s sister took the opportunity to tickle her. I got punched on accident. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 5

By Lordofthebees - 21/06/2018 03:57

Today, my mum was going to have to take my grandma to an appointment as she is the only family member with a car. I offered as usual to take my grandma - even via taxi - but she declined. Later on, I heard her say I don't help out enough for my grandma and no one else helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 3

By "Lordofthebees" - 21/06/2018 03:46

Today I was having a bad day and so my boyfriend sent pizza to my house for me. When it arrived my mum saw and went mental and gave me the silent treatment and then slammed the doors before she went out for dinner with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 0

By Anonymouse - 20/06/2018 21:16 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I found out that my best friend that I've known since 2nd Grade now hates me. Trying to figure it out I asked my other friends who knew her and they couldn't get me a reason. I tried asking her and got blocked. Come to find out, she finds it creepy that I thought she was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 21/06/2018 01:33

Today, I told my mom I would be staying with my girlfriend and a few friends overnight. She said she didn't approve of me staying the night with someone I’m dating. I’m 21, and an asexual lesbian. What the hell is going to happen? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 15

By kawaiimonster - 20/06/2018 23:09

Today, I was daydreaming in my room when suddenly I got a phone call. I got startled and promptly fainted. Sadly, this happens every time I hear a loud noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 10

By Broken - 20/06/2018 15:15 - United States - Winona

Today, I went to the local dive bar. It's a classic reminiscent of the 80s. To keep the theme up in the dual gender bathroom there is a glory hole. Thinking I'd give it a gamble, I went ahead and occupied the space. There wasn't a girl on the other side... or a dude... But a 9yr old who knew karate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 152

By Lourdes - 20/06/2018 20:50 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had an interview scheduled for what can only be described as a dream job. Unfortunately, I never made it to the interview because my boss rejected my “sick day” and demanded I come in. I’m still hopeful, but seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 9

By Elizabeth Ann - 20/06/2018 07:43

Today my coworker (and supposed friend) asked me where I was last week. I told her about how I was in the hospital and she said “if it’s not one thing with you, it’s another. Get over yourself.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/06/2018 02:35

Today, I was going to hug goodbye a friend from behind while she was sitting on a chair. I'm so used to stroke my boyfriend's chest while I hug him on the couch that I accidentally grabbed her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 26

By SyncSymphony - 20/06/2018 02:34

Today, my boyfriend completely ruined the mood during sex. After he came, he scooped up his cum and flung it at the wall, screaming "Jackson Pollock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

By notfunnyiguess - 20/06/2018 02:10

Today, I had to do a speech in class. I’ve never been afraid of public speaking until today, when I opened the speech with a joke, and was met with hollow stares and dead silence from the class. No one even smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 2

By fuckmylife - 19/06/2018 23:11

Today, I was told by my doctor that I can no longer eat gluten, dairy, meat, eggs, fruit, nuts, or more than 10 grams of fat a day, or I will get sick and likely die. Vegetables are the only safe option for the rest of my life. I’m 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 3

By depressedmathematician - 19/06/2018 12:30 - United States - Miami

Today, I earned 10th place in a national math competition. You would think that's great, but not in my dad's eyes. He told me the day before that if I didn't make the top five, he would disown me. Well, here I come orphanage! FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 8

By MissT - 19/06/2018 18:51 - Australia - Collombatti

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me, only then to follow that up with “but I’m not ready for a relationship right now”. He’s now trawling for other hoes on dating websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 4

By Ex-mascameearly - 19/06/2018 12:33 - India - Delhi

Today, while out with my girlfriend (who is Bi), I met my ex at the bar. She ended up hanging out with us as we got drunk and my girlfriend left me for her.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 4

By yaypridemonth - 19/06/2018 09:00

Today, I found my boyfriend of 2 years cheating on me, with the guy I cheated on him with.. 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 151

By maid - 19/06/2018 03:34

Today, my parents referred to me in complete seriousness as “the family maid.” I’m their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 6

By Jen - 18/06/2018 22:06

Today, I was so excited for my beach trip so I decided to get a steak bowl from Chipotle on the way for lunch. I got food poisoning from it and was puking and bedridden for my entire trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

By dryspell - 18/06/2018 20:51

Today I was 2min into a sex dream with my celebrity crush. And I'd realised it was a dream so given myself the ok to continue. Then the sound of my kids crying in the real world woke me up at 6:30am. They cock block me in life and in dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 8

By nishin - 18/06/2018 11:48 - United States - Aurora

Today, I finally achieved my muscular body to impress the girl of my dreams. Several years ago, she told me “I don’t date skinny guys.” Just a few minutes ago, I saw her walking around with a morbidly obese man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 16

By noflushforme - 18/06/2018 19:38

Today, I woke up and took a huge smelly dump. It felt so satisfying, but I wish someone had told me the water was shut off. I share a bathroom with 2 other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By "Destiney Pennington" - 18/06/2018 16:44

Today, while in my pocket, my phone decided to send a very dirty nude of my boyfriend... to my younger brother. Worst part? My brother brought it up at a family function. At least I don't have to tell my dad I'm not a virgin anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 35

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The Top

Today, I went on a blind date set up by old college friends. The dude was very nice, then we started reminiscing about our high school and college years. I mentioned people doing stupid challenges, which is when I made fun of the idiots who ate Tide Pods. Turns out he was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 112

Today, when I was visiting my dad in the ICU, the nurse was trying to help him sit upright and his dick and balls plopped out of his hospital gown for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 158

Today, my roommate in our barracks posted trans hate-speech on Facebook. My choices are to report him and risk ending his military career, confront him and risk him finding out I'm trans, or do nothing and live in fear of him figuring me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 570

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 5 531

Today, I spent all day on the toilet trying to pee and when I did, very little would come out. I would stand up, sit on the couch then go back to the toilet. I have been going to the bathroom around 30 times, including last night trying to fall asleep. Worst day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 99

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 573

You deserved it 5 792