Random FMLs

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 848

You deserved it 2 788

By Unlucky gal - 12/06/2017 04:00

Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 901

You deserved it 288

By aaa - 01/03/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 5 786

This is going to be one long month

By :|( - 22/10/2013 01:40 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 268

You deserved it 3 017

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 24/03/2022 14:00 - Germany

Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 180

YouTube family channels be like

By Anonymous - 07/11/2023 10:00

Today, I’m so hungry. My parents only get food for my sister and I’ve been surviving on cheese sticks for the past week. I only have one left. I don’t get paid until next week. I’m so scared I’m gonna faint at the wheel instead of at home, where I’m usually able to sit down and get some water before I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 136

By a2 - 06/02/2014 06:57 - Australia - Bayswater

Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 037

You deserved it 8 248

By picaru - 21/06/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 534

You deserved it 5 340

By militiousroflcopter - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 276

You deserved it 24 134

Is it just me or…?

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Hornsey

Today, after I ghosted a good friend for 6 months due to mental health issues/dropping out/other life changes, it's been a week since I got back in contact, and I think she hates me now. I stalk her on social media sometimes on my laptop and she made a playlist called "What the F*** are you doing?" like 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 757

By aintgotnoteeth - 19/07/2016 17:53

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 352

You deserved it 1 154

By lp525252 - 20/03/2013 10:59 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 894

You deserved it 3 163

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 643

You deserved it 39 001

By Kate - 21/06/2017 02:00

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 447

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 208

You deserved it 67 235

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 02/05/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, so you know how in the movies there’s a dad who discovers he’s not actually the dad because they had to get a DNA test, and it’s funny because it’s all just a movie. Real life isn’t that funny. My twin boys had to go to hospital for blood tests and so on, and it turns out they’re not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 77

Scooby snacks?

By DogStew - 12/09/2019 18:00

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 259

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 102

You deserved it 1 115

Classic Dad moment

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 22:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my dad for the first time. She politely asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Still vertical. Still annoying people.” Then he winked at her and said, “You poor thing.” I wanted to melt into the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 140

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 202

By a.baybay - 07/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 180

You deserved it 17 821

Young love

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 02:00

Today, I had a horrible head injury that prevented me from going to my girlfriend's birthday party, and when my mom answered my phone, she thought my mom was a girl I was cheating with. Even after posting on Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, in places she hasn't blocked me on, she just commented that I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 121

By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - 18/04/2015 19:34 - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 433

You deserved it 4 727

By Samaritan - 19/01/2010 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 758

You deserved it 3 009

Unhealthy

By Homeless - 14/06/2021 11:01

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was kind enough to let me live on the couch because I have nowhere to go. I have to see the homewrecker he cheated on me with everyday, and hear them have blood curdling sex every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 423

So sad

By Anonymous - 05/02/2011 17:22 - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 913

You deserved it 37 500

By Scumbagmemory - 22/01/2012 04:17 - United States

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 406

You deserved it 11 696

By nycplywood - 18/11/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 407

You deserved it 32 146

By SilkySmooth - 28/11/2018 22:00

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 441

He tried.

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 05:00

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 000

You deserved it 299

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 646

You deserved it 6 005

Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by wasting so much paper. One of the girls in my class said, “No way! They use pandas to make paper?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 110

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 848

You deserved it 3 712

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 181

You deserved it 2 552

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 664

You deserved it 4 813

Today, I got my phone fixed after the screen had been shattered for four months straight. Then, the moment they handed it to me, it fell straight to the floor and shattered. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 261