Nearly FMLs

By brendejafulable - 23/01/2016 01:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I witnessed a lady spray her vaginal area with perfume while in the waiting room at the hospital. FML

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By awesome.. - 23/01/2016 00:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my bff slept with the guy I've been madly crushing over. They just had a "fling" but I know for a fact she has herpies. Now I can't even think about trying with him. Fml

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 00:49 - United States - Gallipolis

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I've had a crush on. We went to a scary movie, and I squealed during the scary part. To make up for the embarrassment, I got nervous and couldn't stop laughing. After I got home, he told me he couldn't date me because he thought I was high on marijuana.

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By Nahrtent - 23/01/2016 00:43 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I spent the most intimate moment of the week petting a cat. Not even my cat, but my neighbor's. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 00:39 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my gf of 5 months told me that she considers watching porn as cheating. She lives 2 hours away. FML.

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 00:28 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I found out the small shift I picked up to get a few more hours without hurting the budget was used as an opportunity to cut my hours by half instead. My boss stopped scheduling me for my other job even though he said I'd be doing both when I asked about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 00:18 - United States - Portland

Today, I am sick, which means that my two and a half month premature son is at risk of becoming sick. I don't know how to care for him without sharing the same air. FML

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By Sunstar - 23/01/2016 00:17 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my father thought that following me into a grocery store and then silently letting his baby hit me in the face with parsley is a proper introduction to my new half-sister. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was helping my boyfriend place a drip tray under his car. He asked me to hold it while he got down to check where the car was leaking. I ran my hands down the sides of the tray to get a better grip. Not realising how sharp the edges were, I now have deep cuts on the palms of my hands. FML.

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 00:09 - United States - Columbus

Today, I customer I helped 4 hours before the store closed called me 5 minutes before close. She wanted to come into the store to price match an item. She was driving from a town 30 minutes away and got pissed at me and my manager for not keeping the store open for an hour past close. FML.

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By Neva cejkejhxhvd web - 23/01/2016 00:08 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I woke up at 2am because I heard my toilet flushing. I live alone and am the only person with a key. I'm scared to sleep now. FML

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By PhoenixChick - 22/01/2016 23:52 - United States - Champaign

Today, I witnessed a racial-epithet laden fight in a store. I stuck around after to give a report to management, and the manager kept yelling about "racist nonsense" while talking to me. Now everyone in the store thinks he was talking about me. FML

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By dragen - 22/01/2016 23:50 - Norway - Lillehammer

Today, it's my birthday. My gift from my stepfather was him paying for car repairs on his car. FML

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By DEADPOOL076 - 22/01/2016 23:17 - United States - Hayfork

Today, I was doing a little work on my car. Things were going great until I opened the trunk and found that there is a leak in the trunk seal. Everything in the trunk including the carpet was wet and moldy from the rain getting in. FML

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By alonso_castro - 22/01/2016 23:15 - United States - Dallas

Today, I joined a gym to make new friends because all my old ones completely forgot about me, 3 of them are in the same gym and have no idea of who I am, I wrestled with them for 3 years FML

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By yikes - 22/01/2016 23:11 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I woke up and my closet light was on. It's motion activated. FML

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By ryan0157 - 22/01/2016 23:07 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I got hit after pulling out of an autobody repair shop that just fixed my car from the last time I got hit, FML

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By Trama1201 - 22/01/2016 23:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walk up to the counter and the librarian turns to me and says "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

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By new shoes - 22/01/2016 23:02

Today, I was peeing the urinal during lunch at school when the screwball in the urinal asked if my shoes were brand new. I replied yes, I had saved up for 3 months and were already my favorite. Or were till he turned and peed on them....FML

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By elementary teacher - 22/01/2016 22:59 - United States - Plymouth

Today, one of my students and I learned very different lessons. I learned it's time to work out more. He learned NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 22:57 - United States - Fairfield

Today, the random girl I've been sexting and sending nudes to on Facebook for the past few months sat between me and my boyfriend in astronomy class. I didn't even know we lived in the same city, and I definitely didn't know she went to my same school. FML.

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 22:56 - United States - Franklin

Today, my stepdad learned I'm dating one of his students, who is a junior. I'm a freshman. He promptly started ignoring me and now stares daggers at me whenever I enter the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 22:52 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was on my phone while taking a shit. As I got up I dropped my phone in the toilet. Now not only is my phone drenched but it's also covered in shit. FML

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By Angry Man - 22/01/2016 22:50 - United States - Bath

Today, I was pissed about something a teacher just did, so I was bitching about it in science class. One girl overheard, and started defending the teacher. We got into a screaming match. She was the teacher's daughter. FML

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By Coffee 247 - 22/01/2016 22:50 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was in a long line at the starbucks drive-thru and when I was was getting ready to pay I dropped my credit card between my seat and center console... It took a few minutes with some angry people before I found it. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 22:07 - United States - Champlin

Today, I forgot my belt and was taking my younger sister to the mall. She recently saw a movie were they pants the kids. She decided to try it in the middle of the food court. FML

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By Oh god - 22/01/2016 21:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked up to my sisters room to give her a hot water bottle, as she was cold. I walked through the door and caught her fingering herself over spider-man films..... FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 21:55 - Romania - Ploiesti

Today, my teacher failed me an exam before she could even check on my answers. I am officially a student who was failed before their paper was graded. FML

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By tittyboomboom - 22/01/2016 21:43 - Australia - South Brisbane

Today, I was snap chatting a guy and sent a few naughty pics as my phone died. After a bit of charge I turned it on to find many missed calls and heaps of messages. Turns out I posted them to my story. Amongst the messages were alot of dick pics. I can't unsee my step brother's junk. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 21:35 - United States - Columbus

Today, I realized my cat has learned to force herself to puke. For the past two years I've been buying her expensive cat food for her "sensitive stomach." FML

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The Top

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 950

You deserved it 4 393

Today, as always, my boyfriend has a micropenis. He found my dildo and started crying because it was bigger than him. I love him to death and would never cheat on him, but sometimes I just need to be filled up. Am I wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 137

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 835

You deserved it 3 777

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 385

You deserved it 3 363

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 307

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 935

You deserved it 8 670