Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 03:45 - Canada - Mount Forest

Today, I was flirting with a guy on the app Whisper. Things were getting steamy and I was feeling really sexy, so I snapped a naked picture and sent it to him. The app glitched and sent it to another guy. FML.

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By beltran1610 - 23/01/2016 03:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was pouring rain so I thought coach would cancel practice. No, instead he made it two hours longer. Now I'm soaking wet and I have to walk four miles to get home. Fml

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By animallover13 - 23/01/2016 03:26 - United States - Greeneville

Today, while taking with my husband about the new year and finding a place to live he said "yeah about that...." Guess who's single before Valentine's Day FML

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By aunttobe - 23/01/2016 03:24 - United States

Today, I found out my 18 year old brother who is still in high school and doesn't even have a drivers license has knocked up his girlfriend. FML

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By Yimpish - 23/01/2016 03:17 - United States - Arnold

Today, I've been working in retail for so long that I told my dog to have a nice day after I let him out. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 03:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after going for a run in the sleet, I had to take an equally as cold shower because my roommate took a ten minute shit with the shower on just before I got back. FML.

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 03:16 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my 3 year relationship ended with my girlfriend moving out and being really civil about things. Both our names are on the title of the car and she called my grandparents behind my back asking for a lot of money before she would sign her name off the car, or else she is going to take it. Fml.

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By cantcatchabreak - 23/01/2016 03:07 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, after a month long sinus infection, getting my wisdom teeth pulled, and another infection, I have been nonstop vomiting. I can't even keep water down. FML

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By Tantive_6 - 23/01/2016 02:58 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I celebrated my one month anniversary with a girl I've loved for 3 years. After dropping her off at home I received a text saying that I wasn't the one for her. I haven't the faintest clue what do with my life now. FML.

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By itsallabootily - 23/01/2016 02:57 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, a lady called me a dumbass for grabbing the wrong cigarettes. She came back later complaining that I still gave her the wrong kind. She called me a dumbass again and yelled at me while I exchanged her cigarettes back to the original ones I had given her. FML

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By ThanksALot - 23/01/2016 02:50 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, during school we had to take a test that my teacher said would count for 40% of our grade. The test was 50 questions she had only taught us enough for me to answer 10 questions with certainty.FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 02:47 - United States - Mandan

Today, my emotionally abusive wife decided she wants to divorce me because I won't stop standing up for myself. She's already turned everyone we know against me, and now I get to sleep outside in 10 degree weather. FML

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By LoneBooker88 - 23/01/2016 02:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just clocked in at work when the store leader came from the bathroom taking about the mess that was in there. Someone had poop smeared all over the floor. Being the newest member at work, guess who had to clean it? Yup, me. FML

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By ddeenniis - 23/01/2016 02:39 - United States - Rochester

Today,my boyfriend cooked dinner for me. Afterwards we got intimate with each other. Everything was going great until we decide to have oral sex and while he was ejaculating the lovely dinner he cooked ended up on his stomach. FML

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By lkah - 23/01/2016 02:33 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my brother had a nightmare and he came to sleep next to me. After talking to him for nearly an hour making him feel safe he finally fell asleep. I was thirsty, when I reached for the glass of water I hit it with my hand and the water fell on my brother. He woke up frightened and crying. FML

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By Sunflora219 - 23/01/2016 02:30 - United States - New York

Today, my brother had a mental breakdown when I told him that Washington D.C. is not actually in Washington, but is a federal district that had land donated from both Virginia and Maryland. He now claims his whole life is a lie, and refuses to come out of his room. He's 19. FML

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By delictg - 23/01/2016 02:28 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I experienced Newtons law, "objects in motion stay in motion" when I fell and my backpack containing my laptop slammed my head into the ground. FML

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By seriously - 23/01/2016 02:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump and was on the toilet for 1/2 hour. After I finished I got up and stretched my stiff back and neck and breathed a sigh of relief. Now Im sitting in a guidance counsellors office talking about sex ed and to not abuse the gift of sex with masturbation. Only 6 more months FML

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By everogarza8 - 23/01/2016 02:21 - United States - Clinton Township

Today, I found out I'm allergic to eggs, dairy, and gluten. Most every part of my diet contains one of these. FML.

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By donaldthegrump - 23/01/2016 02:20 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I had an anxiety attack. Why might you ask? I was afraid to not have anything to report to my therapist. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 02:18 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my mom told me to give my five year old brother a bath. While doing so I relized that his dick is bigger than mine. I'm 16. FML

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By rittz93 - 23/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Waukesha

Today, after a month and a half of eating right and working out I finally decided to get on a scale to see how much progress I've made, sure enough I'm 10 lbs heavier than when I started. fml.

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By megan - 23/01/2016 02:07 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my boyfriend is so desperate to try anal he actually tried to convince me it was in the bible as a natural means of safe sex. Sorry sweetheart, but how stupid do you think I am, Now he's getting no sex at all as punishment, but that also means I'm not having sex either. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:58 - United States - Charleston

Today,after picking up my wife from work in a snow stom and making it back home . She got a text and as I looked at it it was a reply to " I can't wait try out these new crochless panties". She's been cheating on me with a co worker, our three year anniversary was less then a month ago.

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By anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:55 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my dad managed to irretrievably crash my laptop by surfing the internet unsupervised. That laptop was a gift from my girlfriend who died in a car crash with our new baby 2 years ago and also contained the only photos I have of them both. FML

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By vanilla_blossom - 23/01/2016 01:48 - United States - Patchogue

Today, needing to make a video, I was surprised to see that my webcam wasn't recording. Thinking it might be broken or something, it took me several minutes to realize I had covered the lens with a sticker because I was so paranoid about webcam hacking. FML

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By DinoRexaurus - 23/01/2016 01:45 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to school. Only when the time around to go to math, the teacher didn't teach. She spent the whole class telling my friend he can't have OCD because he isn't neat. I have OCD, not in the organization category, but multiple others. She's convinced she's right. FML

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By DisneyDud - 23/01/2016 01:44 - United States - Papillion

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend hummed 'Just Keep Swiming' from finding Nemo.FML

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By sabrinaiero - 23/01/2016 01:43 - United States - Miami

Today, I was feeling really down. Depressed. Suicidal. I told my friend how I was feeling, what I was thinking and they said and I quote "If you feel like suicide is the way out. Go for it" FML

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By kristincybulski - 23/01/2016 01:36 - United States

Today, I picked up my car from the auto shop after having to get it fixed from colliding with a deer. Twenty minutes later and two miles from my house, a deer ran out into the road. I'm pleased to say I didn't hit it, but not pleased that I hit ice and got stuck in a ditch...FML!

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I have a huge scab on my thigh. What from? My thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 240

You deserved it 33 158

Today, I hate when I go out and I forget peoples' names; even though they know me and I know them, I forgot their name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 90

Today, a friend of mine has stopped brushing his teeth, because, "animals don’t brush their teeth either." You know what else animals don’t do? Smoke a pack of Marlboros a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 98

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 439

You deserved it 3 642

Today, I found out how hard it is to actually change light bulbs. I work with electricians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 312

Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 086

You deserved it 2 121