Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 23/01/2016 17:42 - United States - Elizabeth

Today,after going to the gym 4 days a week since New Years and eating healthily instead of losing weight I am 13 pounds heavier than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Powerdaddy4 - 23/01/2016 17:35 - United States - Waukegan

Today, I was standing at line at McDonald's in front of two Asian men. As a Chinese born American, I have a thick Chinese accent even though I'm white. The two guys behind me were wearing Jiu Jitsu shirts and beat the living shit out of me in public thinking I was making fun of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 23/01/2016 17:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me I'm a handsome guy. With the confidence this gave me, I finally asked out the girl I like. She laughed in my face, and didn't even answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By NotUnique - 23/01/2016 17:32 - United States - Owatonna

Today, our family went to a restaurant. While we were there, a group of elderly women saw my brother and sister's pretty red hair. They gushed about how nice it looked, and complimented our parents on having such beautiful children. I, with my boring brown hair, stood unnoticed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Kelly1995 - 23/01/2016 17:29 - United States - Warwick

Today, I tried to open a window in my kitchen to fill up a suet feeder for the birds. My dad had recently painted the windows so it was stuck shut. Well as you can guess I smashed the window and we're in the middle of a blizzard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By imscrewed - 23/01/2016 17:21 - United States - Ada

Today, my dad was looking at the routers history because my step brother was talking to his girlfriend online and he wanted know how he was doing it. Now I'm afraid to look at porn because my dad is constantly looking at the router history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 17:09 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I went to catch a bus to another town to watch my friends' competition. I wasn't allowed on because the bus was "full". There were 4 seats left and all my friends were already on that bus. I was the only one left off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By PeeSmellingGirl - 23/01/2016 17:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend stood over me and peed on me in my sleep. He didn't apologize. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ouch - 23/01/2016 16:54 - Netherlands - De Rijp

Today, I tried a dildo with ridges and put it all the way in, to add extra to the experience I fingerd myself too. After I orgasmed, the dildo got stuck because I was to tight inside. I had to wait to become turned off to remove it, but got turned on every time a ridge past. It took me 1/2 hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 3

By kafreen - 23/01/2016 16:53 - United States - Mesa

Today, after finally feeling like I wouldn't burst into tears over the sudden death of my dog 2 days ago, I decided to go out and have a couple drinks with friends. I got pulled over for turning into the wrong lane. So now I have no dog and no car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Ging3rSnap - 23/01/2016 16:37 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my 17 year old stepdaughter has had sex with more guys then I have.. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By SnowedIn - 23/01/2016 16:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the past 4 hours, my parents have been watching the "Snow Blizzard Coverage" on the news channels. They refuse to watch anything else. All they have to do is look outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By oceanbrickfire - 23/01/2016 16:32 - United States - Wenonah

Today, on the bus, someone put their foot accross the aisle so I can't walk, so I stepped over their foot, and they tripped me. I now have a broken toe, a knee bleeding, and my back hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By PleaseGoAway - 23/01/2016 16:16 - United States - Charleston

Today, I had an 11 hour flight across the Atlantic and I was seated next to the human reincarntaion of hell who would not stop trying to talk to me the ENTIRE flight despite my multiple attempts to "sleep" or watch a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By gvmstrack - 23/01/2016 16:00 - United States - Waldorf

Today, I went to FaceTime my boyfriend from my best friends phone because mine died the first thing he said was "Hey Babe" and then realizing its me and hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By shiny_shipper - 23/01/2016 16:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, I went on a date with a wonderful girl. She was perfect: cute, understanding, had numerous shared interests, and seemed really into me. I was really excited as I've never been on a date before or connected to another person so well. A shame I had to wake up eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By oops - 23/01/2016 15:38 - United States - North Easton

Today, I looked back on my snapchat story from last night only to realize my best friend's entire boob was exposed in one of the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By bellllla - 23/01/2016 15:34 - United States - Roseville

Today, I finally was true to myself about being lesbian. I told my closest friend later on that day and now she won't talk to me because "We won't be able to look at boys together anymore". FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By sogrossomg - 23/01/2016 15:26 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, i slipped in the shower, the curtain rod hit me on the head and i lost consciousness. My mom found me head first in the toilet, which I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By sassatratta - 23/01/2016 15:04 - Italy - Pontassieve

Today, it marks the exact sixth time today that my backpack got thrown down the window, so my classmates could sit in my spot. Every time I try to ask a teacher for help, they run away. The last one I tried to talk to just hid behind the coffee machine and hummed so she couldn't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By xsnqw - 23/01/2016 14:57 - United States - Newton Highlands

Today, I was attempting to make myself a decent breakfast, trying to prove to my mother that I could sustain for myself. As I reached for the flour, I accidentally knocked the whole bag on top of myself, and proceeded to sit down and cry. Im 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By bloody pants - 23/01/2016 14:50 - United States - Dallas

Today, I decided to go commando, my uterus had a similar idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By WabbyFish - 23/01/2016 14:30 - United States

Today, my mom was sent to the ER. Today is also the day that the love of my life decided to breakup with me, saying he needs someone he can rely on. Sorry my mom had gallstones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Mnemophage - 23/01/2016 14:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up from a terrifying nightmare wherein I was forced by a malevolent entity to graphically decapitate a child. Later, my roommate's friend came over. She has children. That look exactly like the ones in my nightmare. Haven't left my room in hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By AVerySadPerson - 23/01/2016 14:07 - Netherlands

Today I told my mother my girlfriend had broken up with me, as a response she began telling me everything that's wrong with me, why my girlfriend was a far superior person and ended with "fuck off and get a job". Thanks for the support mom.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By canunot - 23/01/2016 13:45 - Australia - Balga

Today, my wife and I were using 'sexual stimulation' to try to bring on her labour. Her water broke. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonameow - 23/01/2016 13:37 - United States - Nanticoke

Today, I received a heartfelt and meaningful compliment from my best friend. Too bad it was in her suicide note. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 13:08 - Sweden - Lule?

Today while I was watching my favourite TV-show I yelled a character’s name into a pillow because he was about to do something dumb, and apparently I did it too loud because a few minutes after my neighbour knocked on my door. I lied and said that I was fighting on the phone with a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 12:58 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my girlfriend told me that masturbating to any other woman is cheating. So no more porn. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By hansky - 23/01/2016 12:52 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my teacher assigned me a spot beside a klepto that steals from my pencil case. I've spent so much replacing the stuff he's taken that I can't pay for my bus pass and I'm to shy to say anything.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 569

You deserved it 3 858

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 590

You deserved it 4 762

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 849

You deserved it 8 909

Today, as usual, I worked at McDonald's. Although I tried to diffuse the situation, an old man was absolutely furious, and punched me in the face over BBQ sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 137

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 091

You deserved it 5 168

Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 1 118