Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Clive

Today, I was telling a couple of friends all about how my girlfriend and I met and instantly started dating. They told us how it was so sweet and we were just like Romeo and Juliet, to which my girlfriend replied, "Yep, it's a real tragedy alright." FML

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By Erika - 24/01/2016 01:56 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, my crush asked me out to the mall. After waiting in the food court for over 3 hours I started to leave and then my crushes best bumped into me and spilt his milkshake all over my whit top. Turns out my crush was there the whole time and filmed it and posted it on YouTube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By YourOpinionSucks - 24/01/2016 01:46

Today, I ate one of what I thought was my mother's candy bars. A couple hours on the toilet, and a burning asshole has me thinking otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 01:40 - United States - Beaumont

Today, while in class, I noticed my friend with the yearbook from two years ago. I asked to borrow it after her and she said yes. I found my picture along with the words "Annoying ass fagg!" written below. Thanks for that. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 01:30 - United States - Anaheim

Today I got undressed for a shower. My cat took a look at me, shook his head, and walked out the door. FML

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By butthurt - 24/01/2016 01:25 - United States - Zelienople

Today, I turned down my girlfriend's offer for anal. Why, you ask? Because she cheated on me, "trying it out" with another guy, and I can't get over it. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Tie - 24/01/2016 01:05 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was taking the greyhound bus to see my girlfriend who lives in a different city and I got a massive erection on the bus. I went to the bathroom at the back of the bus to jerk off, and while I was jerking it, the bus driver slammed on the brakes and my hand fell into the toilet. FML

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You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 00:57 - United States - Phoenix

Today, while working at parking for an event by driving shuttles, my friend takes the wheel. He floors the golf cart forgetting its in reverse and we slam into a car behind us. A Porsche Boxster. FML

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You deserved it 0

By scooter165 - 24/01/2016 00:50 - United States

Today, we were doing an activity in class where we had to give someone an adjective that described them. I bet my friend next to me that the next person who came up and asked, I'd say: "Gay." Of course it was the kid with two moms. FML

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You deserved it 0

By not involved - 24/01/2016 00:44 - United States - Clover

Today, my brother got arrested for DUI. My parents blamed me for not stopping him. I was in class, 2 1/2 hours away. They're making me pay for half the bail. FML

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By Orchard - 24/01/2016 00:44 - United States - Jennings

Today, during a phone conversation where I listened to my mother rant about my brother, she decided I wasn't being supportive enough and said exasperatedly, "You're not a mother; you would never understand." I had a hysterectomy last year due to extreme health issues. Yeah, mom, I guess not. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 00:43 - United States - Spring

Today, I took my daughters phone away after discovering she sent nudes to her boyfriend. She responded by flushing my wedding ring down the toilet. FML

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By meh - 24/01/2016 00:31 - United States - Bremerton

Today, while my boss was yelling at me, I was trying to do my job as a cashier. I was so distracted that I accidently let an expired coupon pass. My boss blamed, and demoted me. Now I have to work in the dressing room helping old people get dressed. FML

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By TheOtherWoman - 24/01/2016 00:27 - United States - Seattle

Today, I am a man's mistress. His girlfriend found out about our affair just one hour before I had a job interview, and thus I had no time to help calm down the outrage, and had to leave my lover to deal with her frantic texts. Once I got to the interview, it turned out she was the boss. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ananicosia - 24/01/2016 00:20 - United States - Middletown

Today, at work a man threatened to call the labor board because he thought I was too young to have a job. I'm 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 00:11 - United States - La Verne

Today, in an effort to get away from my parents and stressful home life I left for the gym early. While walking from my car to the building a nice man said "Have a good day beautiful!" and I bust into tears. FML

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By Julia - 23/01/2016 23:59 - United States - Orange

Today, I had to shovel the one foot of show we got here in New England. Not only did I fracture my ligament and have to be in a cast for 3 weeks, but it's still fucking snowing outside and nobody lives within a mile next to me. Hope I have enough food to last me a week. FML

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You deserved it 0

By vibrating crayon - 23/01/2016 23:47 - United States - Luzerne

Today, my mom found my vibrator. She picked it up and ran with it when I tried to grab it back from her. She said she thought it was a "big pink crayon." FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 23:30 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, as I was sparring with my brother-in-law, as we are both MMA fighters I grabbed his arm in a hold while also losing my footing on the mat. I broke two toes and dislocated his shoulder. FML

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By HayMarch - 23/01/2016 23:30 - United States - Orlando

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought he was cheating on me. He was. With my best friend who has been sending him nudes while she knew I was dating him. She walked into my professors class and kissed him... FML.

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By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 23:16 - United States - Macomb

Today, my mother and her friend came over and watched "Saw." I overheard my mother drunkenly say, "If I had to chose between Lily (me) and Joey, (the family dog), oh it's the dog, no reservations." The dog died last week. FML

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You deserved it 0

By 3horny5me - 23/01/2016 22:59 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found out that the chick I've been talking to online about having casual sex wants to first hook me up with one of her curious straight male friends. I'm straight but horny enough to be seriously considering it. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By IamHM - 23/01/2016 22:56 - United States - Tijeras

Today, after spending $150 on a textbook that was absolutely required for class, my professor decided to use a different book instead. I can't return the first book and I can't afford the other one as a result. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Dynamite73 - 23/01/2016 22:48 - United States - Bulverde

Today, I ended up in the hospital after my "friends" set me on fire for a video. Their justification? "it was just a prank and we didn't think you'd get hurt." FML

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You deserved it 0

By wildhorseman - 23/01/2016 22:39 - United States - Strasburg

Today, I got to listen to the girl I am hopelessly in love with tell me all about her other crushes and which ones she likes more than me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Save Yourself - 23/01/2016 22:39 - United States - Loretto

Today, in an effort to have a great workout after a long week, I took pre workout to get myself pumped up. Instead my body broke out in a rash and it feels like I was thrown in a fire covered in hives. After working out despite the symptoms, I have yet to release gas without sharting myself. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 22:16 - United States - Edison

Today, after a massive snowstorm, a neighbor asked to borrow my shovel. She never gave it back and I haven't seen her since then. I had to shovel out my car with my kayak paddle. FML

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By harris - 23/01/2016 22:08 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, yesterday my dad got drunk and claimed he actually figured out who Jack the Ripper was, only now he;s sobered up he can't remember how he worked it out. He is now planning on getting drunk again every night until he remembers. What could go wrong. FML

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By ty4nier - 23/01/2016 21:52 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my friend got written up because he told our manager he couldn't work a shift a week from now. I'm already on her bad side and I have to tell her I can't work the same shift for an entirely different reason. I'm scared for my job. FML

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By anony210 - 23/01/2016 21:50 - United States - Chandler

Today, I realized that even though my best friend is being cheated on, and I've tried to tell her about it, all that happens is that he says I'm "talking shit about him" and has been telling her to not hang out with me anymore. So now I basically have lost my best friend to a fuckboy cheater. FMl

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You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 406

You deserved it 6 584

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 907

You deserved it 1 015

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend has a twin brother. His girlfriend is now pregnant and he was ecstatic. I'm also pregnant but my boyfriend is acting like it’s the end of the world, and has been either drunk or hungover since I told him. So much for twins being alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 353

Today, I asked the girl who has a crush on me if she was autistic. She replied without hesitation, "I can be whatever you want me to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 1 111

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 678

You deserved it 4 343

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 239

You deserved it 2 765