Nearly FMLs

By Ifuckedthefeartu - 26/01/2016 16:33 - United States - Round Hill

Today, my boyfriend insisted on going down on me. However, about a quarter of the way through, he stopped, looked me in the eye rather fearfully, and said "can my saliva get you pregnant"?...he's 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Fleming Island - 26/01/2016 16:20 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I caught my girlfriend sucking another guys dick in the parking lot at school. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 16:02 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I learned from my employer that I won't be getting my two-weeks pay. Why? Because I'm "so enthusiastic about working here that money shouldn't be THAT important" to me. Well if I don't need money to pay for my spinal surgery then that's fine. FML

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You deserved it 0

By kvb81295 - 26/01/2016 15:54 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had an amnesia spell and thought it was two years ago. I called my abusive ex girlfriend and now she's trying to sue me for harassment. FML

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You deserved it 0

By darthpeaches - 26/01/2016 15:46 - Jamaica - Ocho Rios

Today, I spoke to my husband about his recent erectile problems and advised he should see someone as he is in his 20s. He responded by accusing me of cheating and asked me to move back in with my parents. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Engaged - 26/01/2016 15:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I have been engaged for 3 months... have not got as much as a kiss. she also refuses to be alone with me... not even for shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Superb employee - 26/01/2016 15:35 - Poland

Today, I was fired. The boss told me "he's not doing me any harm", because I'm such a good employee - better than the two others in my position - that I'll find a new job soon. He will not tell me why I was fired, then. And he doesn't have to do it according to the law. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Pls - 26/01/2016 15:22 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my mom found my bag of crushed chalk that I was using for a project that was under my bed. She wouldn't believe me so she called the cops on her own son, they told her it was just chalk and she was really embarrassed. Her anger was taken out on me for "not telling her it was chalk"

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 14:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, work was cancelled because of the snow. I woke up to use the bathroom only to open my door and see my mom's completely naked boyfriend sprinting into the bathroom and yelling back that he thought the house was empty. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 14:48 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I dropped my husband off at work but he was delayed for over an hour. Little did I know my asshole dog was breaking out of his crate to eat everything in the trash. I came home to find that he had even eaten the empty tube of toothpaste, moldy ham, and part of a roll of duct tape. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Ante27 - 26/01/2016 14:40 - Finland

Today, during military training we had sports the entire day. I was worried going into the obstacle course since several people had already hurt themselves. I did the course without getting a scratch but then managed to dislocate my kneecap while playing football. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By NickACD - 26/01/2016 14:31 - United States - San Diego

Today, I found out that many students in my physics class are willing to eat in class while knowing that a kid in a different block who sits near them has a severe allergy to chips. I have to deal with these people for the next few months. FML

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You deserved it 0

By homeless - 26/01/2016 14:28 - United States - Buena Park

Today, after living in the same home for 22 years, I received a 60 day notice to move. When I asked why I was told they didn't have to have a reason. Fml

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 14:26 - United States

Today while I was going to the mens bathroom, a lady stopped and made me use the womens, she thought I was a girl. I'm such a bitch that I didn't stand up for myself. I ended up using the womens.FML

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You deserved it 0

By Chikiriwak - 26/01/2016 14:08 - United States - Miami

Today, I got let go of my dream job I recently got hired to, they told me it was because there was no money to pay me nor could they hire anyone for a long time, two days ago a close friend of mine got hired for the same position I had. FML

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You deserved it 0

By notagooddaytoday - 26/01/2016 14:05 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I saw a girl flossing her teeth with her long bangs in a public toilet. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 13:50 - United States - New York

Today, my manager wrote me up for indefinite suspension for insubordination because I "refused" to provide the password to the newly installed program. It was: id0ntwanna. FML

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You deserved it 0

By spiritoso - 26/01/2016 13:26 - United States - Jackson

Today, my sister, at 19, married a man that is almost 30 years older than her and that was married to another woman less than four months ago. The worst part of it all? That godawful pedophile mustache he refuses to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Pregnant - 26/01/2016 13:13 - United States - Green Bay

Today, after a long day of work, I was comforted when my cat jumped on my lap to cuddle. She then farted and triggered my morning sickness. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By oh no - 26/01/2016 12:53 - United States - Marietta

Today, when I woke up I heard my cleaning lady sweeping downstairs. That wouldn't be too bad, if I didn't live alone and don't have a cleaning lady!! FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 12:14

Today I've waited to have sex with my fiancée until wedding night and have now discovered I'm in for the worst sex of my life for the rest of my life. FML

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You deserved it 0

By mee1131 - 26/01/2016 12:02 - United States - Southfield

Today, I was on my way to retake a test that I hadn't done very well on and was late because of the weather. The teachers response "it is what it is." Guess who didn't get to retake the test. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 11:57 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my best friend moved in with her two cats. I'm severely allergic to cats. She knows this. I've had to use my emergency inhaler twice a day since she moved in. She still doesn't understand why the cats have to go. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By moosemay - 26/01/2016 11:54 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my husband and I ran into my ex-boyfriend at an event. We did akward small talk until our two-year-old son piped up and asked my ex: "Do you have a penis?" FML

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You deserved it 0

By hairy Mary - 26/01/2016 11:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was using a public bathroom in a shopping centre. My three year old daughter looked at me and shouted 'Mummy, do all ladies have hair down there?'. The people waiting couldn't contain their laughter. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Korra - 26/01/2016 11:10 - United States - Bullhead City

Today, my manager decided I was the best person to ask what "blue balls" are. Her boyfriend was literally a few steps away from me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By EvilTurtle - 26/01/2016 10:51 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I told my mom about how depressed I am and how I wanted professional help. She told me to "quit being a bitch and man up". FML

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You deserved it 0

By TheCerealKiller - 26/01/2016 10:44 - United States - Aptos

Today, in an attempt to spice things up in the bedroom, I asked my asian boyfriend to dirty talk in Japanese. He concentrated so hard on remembering the correct words that he lost his boner in the middle of foreplay. FML

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You deserved it 0

By not even remotely interested - 26/01/2016 10:33 - United States - New York

Today, I got scolded by a mother at school for upsetting her son. What did I do? I gently rejected her son when he proposed to be my boyfriend. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 10:23 - Japan - Sakai

Today marks my third day without hot water because of the snowstorm. In desperate need of a shower I asked my boyfriend who lives with his parents but sleeps all the time at mine, if he would go to a hotel with me, at my expenses. His answer ? What's the point, you're on your period ! FML

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You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my roommate decided to go on a group trip instead of paying our water bill. Now I can't shower until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 043

You deserved it 1 587

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 068

You deserved it 5 831

Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 181

Today, after my fiancee gave me $100 to spend at the garden center as my Mother's Day gift, when I was on my way home from the center, he called and yelled at me because I didn't get what he wanted me to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 157

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 387

You deserved it 1 741

Today, my wife finally gave up on our autistic 11 year-old son and decided to have him taken into a care facility, because his autism is so bad, all he can do is sleep, stare vacantly, play on his iPad, or scream for hours. I’m kind of glad he’s leaving, but I can’t shake the dam guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 978

You deserved it 1 069