Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 00:03 - Canada - Swift Current

Today, I was so horny in class that I decided I would jerk off in the washroom, while doing so I decided I would watch porn on my phone with my earbuds. So I did but didn't know that they were not plugged in and so a kid walked in and heard moaning and went and told a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By colvitt - 27/01/2016 00:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my gym teacher decided that instead of giving us a pop quiz like normal teachers, she'd make us run a surprise mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By koala189 - 26/01/2016 23:51 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I showed my boyfriend a baby picture and said, "I think I looked so ugly back then." He then said to me, "Well you still look ugly now." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By bleedingears - 26/01/2016 23:44 - Canada - Orleans

Today marks the third day since my daughter bought an ocarina. It sounds like a broken recorder and my daughter insists she practice every day for two hours at least. I don't know how much longer I can last before shattering the stupid instrument with a hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Dragonborn - 26/01/2016 23:44 - Luxembourg

Today, my brother was using my xbox and when he saw that my character on skyrim, which we both got for christmas, was further along in the story and a higher level than his character he threw a tantrum because girls aren't even supposed to like playing video games and he snapped my copy in half FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By huehuea - 26/01/2016 23:37 - United States - Kent

Today, My identical twin brother got me suspended for something he did. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By anon - 26/01/2016 23:36 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I called my mother to tell her about my one-month-old baby breast feeding every two hours, day and night. Her solution so I can get more rest? Feed him cows milk so he'll sleep longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Scoots_McMuffin - 26/01/2016 23:25 - United States - Crossville

Today, I found out what happens if you sneeze while a nurse has a needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By HorrorMonster - 26/01/2016 23:21 - Australia - Bentleigh

Today, my face started peeling due to the sunburn I got a few days ago. I look like a monster from a horror movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 22:53 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my dogs weren't the only ones who had surprise diarrhea. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By marsalann20 - 26/01/2016 22:50 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I cock blocked myself by presenting an argument in the favour of not getting intimate before marriage in front of my girlfriend, FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 22:42 - Denmark - Odense

Today, a group of 6th graders approached me. Including my brother, all of them were carrying sticks. So they began hitting me, why? Because apparently, I was the 'Ender Dragon' to their minecraft roleplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By fuck - 26/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that when I go to the bathroom half-aleep at 3 am, I don't wipe. I found this out when I went to pee today and my asscheeks had to be pryed painfully open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 22:16 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after months of planning and hours of decorating and preparing, I finally had the sweet 16 I've dreamt about my whole life. Except everyone forgot it was my birthday. Including my boyfriend; who still had the opened invitation on his table.

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You deserved it 0

By red_bandit888 - 26/01/2016 22:08 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I took a bite out of a piece of broccoli. It was only after that I saw a cooked spider on it. The broccoli was infested with spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By OneOnJuanAction - 26/01/2016 22:03 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, I switched my Wifi from open to requiring a password, since my wifi bill was so high. Not even a couple hours later, 5 people, who all live in the same apartment as me, went up to my door, and yelled at me for changing my Wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 21:59 - United States - Houston

Today, I pranked my girlfriend by saying I was cheating on her with her mom. She broke into tears. I then remembered her mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 21:35 - United States - Corona

Today, me and my girlfriend that I had met online a year and a half ago finally got the urge to get it on in my apartment room. Turns out when she undressed her pants, she was wearing men's underwear, and she had a big bulge in her underwear, she admitted that she's Trans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By barleyguy - 26/01/2016 21:18 - Canada - Bass River

Today, after playing and losing three games of chess with my smirking fiancee I realized how soul destroying a game it really is... She defeated me in ways I never imagined possible on a board game. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 21:18 - United States - Washington

Today, I went to my parents house only to find them having hardcore sex in the living room. We've been planning this dinner for 2 weeks.FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By rodrigun449 - 26/01/2016 21:11 - United States - Pottstown

Today,my grandfather gave me his secret porno stash, when I asked why, he said "your ugly ass is going to be single for a long long time". There goes my self esteem. FML

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You deserved it 0

By DrugFreeCrazyB - 26/01/2016 21:09 - Canada - Welland

Today, my mother accused me of "cooking" cocaine. Why? She found a "corroded" spoon while washing dishes. This isn't even the stupidest thing she's accused me of for. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By bellllla - 26/01/2016 21:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I haven't been able to eat all day due to my busy schedule. I finally arrived at a restaurant to meet a friend and her food arrived first. Being a good friend I told her to go ahead and eat. When the waitress arrived with my food ten minutes later, she dropped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By iveemadole - 26/01/2016 20:40 - United States

Today after arguing with my siblings about who our father's favourite was, not only was it not any of us: it was the dog because "he doesn't ask for shit." FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Mrs.Clumsy - 26/01/2016 20:39 - United States - Oak Grove

Today, I was cooking for my husband, trying to be sexy while doing it. I wore nothing but my bra and lace panties. I made him stay out of the kitchen, this lead to me boiling the water over & spilling it on myself. I now have blisters all over my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By 4lphab3t4 - 26/01/2016 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend pretended to break up with me to see how I would react. I guess she didn't like my reaction (being upset instead of "fighting for what's mine" after she called me "inadequate" and "disappointing") so she broke up with me for real. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By MurphyGallagher - 26/01/2016 20:32 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I kicked my roommate out after months of abuse. I got home after he left and the TV was gone. I literally sat on the floor and cried over a damn TV. FML

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You deserved it 0

By can younot - 26/01/2016 20:25 - United States - Wayne

Today, I had a operation for kidney stones and it put me in more pain than having them there FML

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You deserved it 0

By ananicosia - 26/01/2016 20:11 - United States - Middletown

Today, I took the pacer fitness test in my gym class. I beat the national standard but my lungs still feel like they're going to collapse. FML

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You deserved it 0

By KUKE - 26/01/2016 20:08 - United States - Nashville

Today, a really old friend of mine informed me that she was now dating my ex and that she doesn't want it to be weird between us. I was fine with it until she got the exact same tattoo as me and is getting extensions to make her hair like mine.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 573

You deserved it 7 886

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 2 047

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 362

You deserved it 4 625

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 751

You deserved it 5 473

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 2 376

Maybe if I just stand here all the leaves will blow far away...

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 89