Nearly FMLs

By Tytonic - 27/01/2016 14:05 - United States - Quakertown

Today, I used a boomerang for the first time. It didn't come back like I had expected. Instead, I heard somebody's windshield shattering a hundred feet to my left. FML

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By MaddJayyy - 27/01/2016 14:01 - Australia - Subiaco

Today, what started as a conversation about my boyfriend getting me into halo ended in the guy hitting on me and trying to tell me he wants to masturbate to pictures of me. FML.

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 13:56 - United States - Livonia

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating lied about being arrested and spending the weekend in jail, just to avoid seeing me. I drove 12 hours to spend that weekend with him. Fml

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By elifg - 27/01/2016 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the boy I like is so scared of me that our mutual friend finds an excuse to move him away from me whenever I'm near his presence. FML.

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By didnt go skiing - 27/01/2016 13:24 - United States

Today, my friends all got back from weekend at a ski cabin. I had said that I couldn't attend because of work but the one friend planning it kept saying that she would expect me to be there. She just sent me a text asking for my part of the money for the cabin since I said "I could go." FML

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By craycraycrazee - 27/01/2016 13:24 - South Africa

Today I broke up with my gf because she broke into my parents place to 'wait for me' after announcing I'll be going there for dinner without her because she had to study for exams. I found her hiding under my bed in my apartment later that night with a knife to 'apologize' for her behavior. FML

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By lessonlearnt - 27/01/2016 13:23 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, an idiot decided it'd be acceptable to copy and plagiarise my project that I did over 15 weeks for school because he didn't do his. He got hold of it because he claimed his project was "fucked up" and made it sound like he needed a reference so I emailed him a copy of it. Reference my ass FML

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By kathrinex - 27/01/2016 13:23 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I had to take the bus. I waved my arm when the bus came so that it wouldn't drive past me, but it did. I could see the other passengers laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 13:13 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I found out I didn't get promoted to the new position I applied for, and was told I'd be a shoo-in by the GM. The reason: "Your boss refused to write you a recommendation." The person who got the promotion? My boss. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 13:11 - Norway

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, just because I play Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By innocent21girl - 27/01/2016 13:06 - South Africa

Today I finally convinced my boyfriend to go down on me. I also started my period early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By santemilo - 27/01/2016 12:54 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while having my lunch break, a sharp part of my braces pierced the skin under my tongue while I was eating. It did not only hurt a lot, it also made me unable to ask for help. A teacher had to release my tongue by moving a spoon through the half-chewed food in my mouth. FML

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By anon - 27/01/2016 12:50 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I realized how much tuition cost when a distracted driver almost hit me and I was disappointed, because I could've gotten my tuition paid. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 12:46 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I asked my hairdresser to cut my hair in a V layered shape. Apparently she gets confused with "V" and "W", now my hair looks like it's got fangs. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 12:44

Today, Iearned that some stranger has been posting pictures of me online, claiming I'm their "one and only". I've never been in a relationship. I also don't have any form of social media, so I have no idea where they're getting the pictures. FML.

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By Ice - 27/01/2016 12:39 - United States - Wilson

Today, I was walking back already in a lot of pain for spending hours working to shovel a neighbors driveway. On my way back, I was hit by the snowplow. Except I wasn't anywhere near the road. FML

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By IamHM - 27/01/2016 12:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today a package I ordered came in. The driver left it by my door while I was at work. Someone thought it would be funny to dropkick it down the stairs, where it shattered and broke. RIP new elegant wine glasses. FML:

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By SpeedingWolfG - 27/01/2016 12:28 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, I bought my girlfriend a diamond engagement ring and proposed, she asked if the ring was fake and didn't believe it was real. FML

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By Gray - 27/01/2016 12:26 - France - Paris

Today, a coworker came into my office all flirty and pulled up her skirt to show me she had no panties. Mortified, all I could do was point out she actually had some toilet paper in her crack. She ran off and tried to report me for sexual harassment but got herself suspended. Now I feel guilty FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 11:15

Today, I'm at work with an upset stomach. I have the constant urge to fart, shit, or both. I'm about to enter a 2 hour conference call. FML

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By royal ego hit - 27/01/2016 08:22 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boyfriend has been focusing on giving me oral a lot in the bedroom lately, so in return I decided to sit him down and just please him. I thought I was doing well, that is until he went soft. I looked up and he had fallen asleep. FML.

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By FuckMyJob - 27/01/2016 08:09 - United States - Houston

Today, A woman called my job and threatened to call corporate because I wouldn't tell her my name. It's part of our policy that we can't. And I got yelled at by a manager for following policy. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 07:52 - United States - Binghamton

Today, the worst thing that happened to me wasn't hearing my "friend" having sex with the girl I adore in the next room over. It was hearing her whisper "I love you so much" to him afterwards. FML.

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By autumnbanshee - 27/01/2016 07:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 2 year old son was behaving badly so I put him in his playpen for a time out. He spent the whole time screaming "you're a bitch mommy!" My husband found it hilarious. Apparently my son witnessed my mother's methed out neighbors fighting outside and picked up on all their curse words. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 07:22 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my dad, who collects and studies bugs for a living had me hold a non aggressive spider to get me over my fear of them. It bit me then ran up my sleeve. FML

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By bloeb - 27/01/2016 06:59 - United States - New York

Today, there is a car alarm going off. It's 2 am and every time I think it's off for good, it starts back up. I have to be up in a few hours. FML.

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 06:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my fiancé and his mother got angry because I didn't wanted to add her on Facebook. The same woman who hates me, constantly talks behind my back and threatens to hurt me. Fml.

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You deserved it 0

By kitkat3308 - 27/01/2016 06:54 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, a short while after seeding and chopping some jalapeños, I realized that I desperately needed to change my tampon. I assumed that washing my hands several times before doing so would prevent me from burning myself "down there." I was wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 06:51 - Australia - Camden

Today, I heard a conversation about replacing me in my job. I was never told they were unhappy, nor given a list of anything to improve on. Or any reason for this whatsoever. Not only are they lying scum from what I overheard, apparently they don't realize the walls aren't soundproof. FML

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By blasterboy96 - 27/01/2016 06:45 - United States - Denton

Today, I was getting ready to submit an application that I had worked 30 hours on. I hit the submit button right on the deadline and the application website crashed. FML

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 114

Today, I'm doing homework but still can't submit it, mainly due to the homework being bombarded more than three times during the week, from eight subjects, all due in three days. I sleep barely two hours a day, still not finishing the work and getting shitty exam marks. I wonder when this cycle of work will end… FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 122

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 757

You deserved it 6 486

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about what happened to me during the day when he stopped me mid-sentence, asked me to skip the middle and to go right to the end of the story, because he could feel himself slowly dying of boredom. Rude much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 806

Today, I was delivering a pizza but I got the address wrong. When I got to the house, I was surrounded by police and put in handcuffs at the door. Turns out the wrong address I went to resulted in me interfering with some sort of sting operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 169

Today, I was trying to give a motivational speech to my team at work, because morale has been low. Halfway through, I blanked and ended up just saying gibberish and stuff like, "We’ll just fake it until we… you know… whatever happens. You know?" Not exactly inspiring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 457