Nearly FMLs

By Mad_Maxx - 27/01/2016 06:31 - United States - Hammond

Today, I learned that my dad has a washrag exclusively for washing his private areas. It is also the rag I use to wash my face. FML

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By echoesofanemptybankaccount - 27/01/2016 06:30 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, after months of unemployment after graduating college I was set to do my first task for my new job. Turns out i'm a little too desperate for work and if It seems to good to be true it probably is since I spent most of the day explaining what my "job" was to the bank... and then the cops FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 06:16 - United States - Provo

Today, my mom asked me why her Jr High students laugh any time she says "69." FML

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By LostGirl9456 - 27/01/2016 06:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home from a long day at work, completely exhausted. I took off my pants, sat down, and felt immediate pain. Upon checking, I found a dead bug...in between my butt cheeks. FML.

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By zfz245 - 27/01/2016 05:55 - United States

Today, I got notice of my apts unit inspections and pest control is coming up. I left for a week on family death and let my 2 friends, a couple both almost 30, stay while I was gone. They trashed my place I have 3 sick kids and inspection is tomorrow. FML

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By awkward - 27/01/2016 05:50 - United States - Upland

Today, I started my first day on the job. First thing I did was refill the syrup containers. Apparently I didn't do it right and when the customer used one the cap fell off and syrup got literally everywhere. FML

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By anonymous - 27/01/2016 05:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today,I got super drunk and had sex with this fit guy. Everything was hot and steamy, best sex I had. Except when I woke up the next day I noticed it was my cousin... I don't remember him drinking FML

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By FMarinasLife - 27/01/2016 05:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while browsing through 4Chan, I came across a forum for sharing exes nudes. A few posts down, I found photos of myself with the caption: "I hope the bitch sees this!" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 05:14 - Canada

Today I got turned on by the thought of stuffed crust pizza. FML.

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 05:14 - United States - Canon City

Today, I am visiting my mom for the week. I'm pretty tired so I'm in bed trying to sleep. My stepdad got in the shower and just now my mom joined him. I cannot unhear this. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 05:07 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I realized how pathetic I am when I legitimately got upset because I found out my celebrity crush got a girlfriend. FML.

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By angelinakaleel - 27/01/2016 05:02 - Australia - Artarmon

Today, I was at the movies when a child next to me had a tantrum during the movie. The usher came and told the boy and his mom that they would have to leave but the mother didn't want to miss the movie so she convinced the usher I was his mom and I was forced to leave with the child. FML.

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By babyface_jayxx - 27/01/2016 04:50 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, i lost about 40$ to the wind ... I was coming home from work and opened my car door with my wallet opened and 2 twenty dollar bills flew out FML

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By Kippix - 27/01/2016 04:49 - United States - Bristow

Today, I cut myself badly on an ice cube. An ice cube. FML.

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By SpaceToast - 27/01/2016 04:45 - United States - Estacada

Today, during math, I got back my results from a state-level test, and got a little below-average score. I ended up crying because I realized that I don't have the intelligence for the career that I wish to pursue. FML.

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By cupcakekate9 - 27/01/2016 04:29 - Canada - Camrose

Today, my mom told me to not come out of my room because she was giving my dad her anniversary present. Underwear and booze were his gifts. FML

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By aw - 27/01/2016 04:17 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I helped my best friend, also my crush, ask out his crush. I thought he was going to be rejected. He wasn't. FML

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By GamerGirl_137 - 27/01/2016 04:15 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I found I made my school's softball team. I didn't want to make the team. My mom forced me to tryout so I made sure I messed up as much as I could. Looks like it didn't work. Turns out I'm just what they were looking for. Now I'm too embarrassed to say I want to quit. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 04:15 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was helping out at the daycare when one of the kids challenged me to a jumping contest. After telling him he could jump way farther than me, he replied, "It's because you're so fat!" His sister promptly chimed in, "No, no, but you're pretty without your glasses on!" FML

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By username5273 - 27/01/2016 04:00

Today, I realized how lonely I was when I was listening to my little brother talk about his friends. I had to leave the room. He has more of a social life than I do and he's 13. I'm 18. Fml.

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By anonymous - 27/01/2016 03:59 - United States - Festus

Today, I realized drunkenly letting my boyfriend do anal on New Year's Eve means thats all he'll ask to do it everyday and will even try to bribe me to do it.. FML.

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By evancwarner - 27/01/2016 03:52 - United States - Wattsburg

Today, I went to the doctor's and found out that the pain in my knee that I've had since November is actually a sprained ACL, MCL, and LCL. I start baseball season next week. FML

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By Burrito - 27/01/2016 03:46 - United States - Aurora

Today, when doing a pull up, I somehow fell and dislocated my pinky. After going to the nurse and giving me ice, I went back to class. The teacher told me to do 2 hills. (Up and down the hill) I slipped on ice and dislocated my other pinky. Now I'll need 2 cast on each hand. FML

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By indeepsnow - 27/01/2016 03:35 - United States

Today, my manager told me I was a selfish b**** because I didn't stay more than 3 hours in the snow to help at work and instead took home a coworker to help dig out her car. I wasn't getting paid for the time, she was, she knew this. FML

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By why - 27/01/2016 03:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the doctor so I could figure out why I puke so much when I get up in the morning. Apparently I get stomach migraines, which stop once you hit puberty. I'm 26. FML

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By Chase31 - 27/01/2016 03:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my dad decided to take away my xbox for the rest of the school year, and on top of that, take my phone and car away if I dont get straight A's. His reasoning for this was that "My younger brother wasnt getting good enough grades." FML

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By TheCF - 27/01/2016 03:03 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my stepmother apologized for the drunk text she sent last night calling me a cunting fuck. She meant to call me a fucking cunt. FML.

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By tittyboomboom - 27/01/2016 03:01 - Australia

Today, I came home from work early and found it strange my staffy didn't come running to great me as she normally does. I soon found her with my step brother in his room, I now know why we go through so much peanut butter. FML

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By DarnYouPastSelf - 27/01/2016 02:58 - United States - Smithfield

Today, I came across an unlabeled CD. I soon discovered it was the mixtape I made when my girlfriend dumped me three years ago. I cried. Fml

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By InfiniteSunshine - 27/01/2016 02:55 - Canada - Calgary

Today, after a long day of both school and work until 11pm, I got home and decided to go to bed. This also happened to be the time that the upstairs neighbors in the apartment above mine decided it was a good time to practice on their drum set, which just so happens to be right above my bedroom.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 271

You deserved it 2 455

Today, I was talking to a girl. It was going pretty well until she said, "LOL." What's so bad about that? We weren't texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 198

You deserved it 5 185

Today, a super cute girl at college approached me and I thought all my Christmases had come at once, until she said, “Do you realise someone has written 'Tiny Penis' on your forehead in black marker?” It must have been my brother while I was asleep last night. I’d been at college 4 hours FML

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You deserved it 247

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

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You deserved it 8 398

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

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You deserved it 3 613

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

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You deserved it 5 137