Nearly FMLs

By dumpedbymom - 09/02/2016 16:50 - India - Chennai

Today, my boyfriend's mother broke up with me. My boyfriend, now ex, didn't want to deal with the 'drama' so he put his mother on a conference call with me and she said, "It's over. Get over it." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sasha - 09/02/2016 16:46 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using a Yoda quote. Apparently he and his new slut are the "luminous beings" whereas I am the "crude matter". I was more pissed off at his misuse of Yoda's best line in the movie than I was about wasting 2 years of my life dating a non Star Wars fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 16:38 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob and he farted in my face. My eyes started burning cause it smelled so bad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Saarai73 - 09/02/2016 16:07 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his mom. Every 20 minutes, she'd get up to check on the dinner she was cooking. I notice his mom finally leave so I decide to get frisky with my boyfriend. Turns out, his mom was still in the room and I imagined her leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By LackingBrainCells - 09/02/2016 15:44 - United States - Katy

Today, everyone in my film class was watching the "puppymonkeybaby" commercial and I now can literally hear my brain cells shriveling up every time someone says "puppymonkeybaby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By yeah... - 09/02/2016 15:31 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized that I'm more excited for the return of The Walking Dead than I am for Valentine's Day. I'm in a relationship of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By PingusTheDingus - 09/02/2016 15:12 - United States - Marietta

Today, in my new mobile home, I was about to take a shower. I turned on the water, stepped in, and fell backwards directly on to the rim of toilet bowl, which snapped off the pipes, and spilled water directly into my mouth. Guess who forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By BWong17 - 09/02/2016 14:38 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my mother found a used condom in my laundry. She thinks it's mine and won't believe a word I say. The problem is that I don't know who's it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckyourgingerbeard - 09/02/2016 14:26

Today, I was lying in bed when I noticed my boyfriend standing in the doorway looking at me. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied "I'll make you feel my beard if it's the last thing I do!" He then ran over, pinned me down, and grinded his face on mine. My face still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Well why not - 09/02/2016 14:22 - United States - Newport Beach

Today, I had finally built up the courage to ask out the girl I had been crushing on for weeks. As I go to talk to her in class, she begins talking about her boyfriend she had never mentioned before. I spent three hours listening to her plans with her boyfriend for Valentine's day weekend. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Disgust - 09/02/2016 14:15 - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom to find the toilet seat up, piss all over, and a used condom in the trash can. I live with my 70 year old Grandma and 12 year old sister. I don't like either scenario. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By People's Kids - 09/02/2016 14:00 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, I woke up to the noise of my 5 year old screaming hail satan. I asked him where he heard that from and he said Jacob which is my neighbors 16 year old then went back to screaming it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ScratchCatPower - 09/02/2016 13:45 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went to my aunt's birthday party at a fancy restaurant. When the appetizers came, the fried calamari and baby squids seemed to disgust my 3 year old cousin. When she asked what the "legs" on the squids were, I replied, "Those are the testicles!" I meant to say tentacles. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By MrsSalt - 09/02/2016 13:11 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I was accused of harassment for calling someone salty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By rachgirl6 - 09/02/2016 12:45 - Australia - Prahran

Today, my sister closed the car door with my hand in it, to make things worse she couldn't understand me while I was screaming at her to open the door up. Leaving me stuck for longer, she could F--King see my fingers poking through to her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By sadcatfish - 09/02/2016 12:29 - Germany - Bremen

Today, after taking a 2 year oath to never love again, I realized that I am in fact in love with someone- who's progressively falling out of love with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 12:14 - Canada - Westerose

Today I spent my last 30$ on rum because life was getting me down. Then proceeded to break it on a rock hidden in the snow. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By alainopotato - 09/02/2016 12:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, it's four in the morning and I've been doing homework since I got home from school. I hate Monday's. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 09/02/2016 11:59 - United States - Barrington

Today, I got my first hand job by my girlfriend, she later texted me on the fact that I don't last long FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By workplace injury - 09/02/2016 10:45 - Australia - Sydney

Today, at work I was hit by a crane in landed on my knee, it's swollen and bruised. Tomorrow I see a dr about my workplace injury eight years ago when I was hit by a crane and damaged the ligaments in my knee. The same knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By dad jokes suck - 09/02/2016 10:25 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my dad told me how my infant sister had died: I smothered her with a pillow when I was four. I started to cry and think I was some sort of evil monster, until my dickwad of a father started to laugh hysterically. Turns out it was pneumonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By beyfan - 09/02/2016 10:19 - Romania - Targu-mures

Today, one of my biggest wishes is to see my favorite artist, Beyonce, in concert. I am finally coming to US this summer and I was uber excited that I might get to see her. Then I find out she's having a world tour. Last concert in US is on 12th of june. I arrive in US on the 15th of june. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By badbadluck00 - 09/02/2016 10:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's 4 in the morning, I have school in a few hours, I took sleeping medication for my insomnia, yet I haven't been able to sleep a wink because my uterus is trying to murder me from within myself. I hate being a girl sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 10:10 - United States - Seattle

Today, I realized that my best, and only, friend of 10 years blocked my calls after the pettiest argument ever. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By shit outta luck - 09/02/2016 09:22 - United States - Vancouver

Today, out of morbid curiosity, I looked up Two Girls One Cup. I've never been more turned on in my life. Dear God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 09/02/2016 08:27 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend said he doesn't care about men attacking women unless it's his family, I was raped a year ago and I'm a bit scared that he doesn't care, FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 09/02/2016 08:25 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I hit a new low in my job...my boss asked me to get him a new work pass. But for security reasons, he insists the other one should be shredded. It's floating in the toilet bowl...but don't worry he says it fell in after he flushed....fml....

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By too possessed to care - 09/02/2016 08:24 - United States - Florence

Today, after not getting much sleep last night I was looking for my room key for over an hour. It was around my neck the entire time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Eyeburn - 09/02/2016 08:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I accidentally rubbed my eyes after slicing jalapenos. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By NateHQ - 09/02/2016 08:01 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I got a fine for driving my car while it was unregistered. I was driving it to the mechanic so I could have a road safety check done to register it. I now can't register my car until the fine is paid and the $600 I had to pay registration is now paying the fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 582

You deserved it 2 106

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 190

Today, my brother lost his flat and is sleeping on our sofa. He’s also unemployed so my husband is getting increasingly angry at him freeloading. To make it up to him, I made his favourite pudding, Angel Delight. He just walked in and caught my brother eating it right out of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 505

Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 824

You deserved it 490

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 163

You deserved it 7 111

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 883

You deserved it 8 379