Nearly FMLs

By FML - 11/02/2016 17:12 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I went to the movies with my Mom and sister after my boyfriend told me how happy he is to be with me . When I got to the movies , I see my Boyfriend making out with a girl behind me FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FacePalmPower - 11/02/2016 17:12 - United States

Today, I went to work at the bacon factory. I accidentally dropped some bacon on the floor and my supervisor yelled at me, telling me to be more careful because Bryan shouldn't have to clean that up. Bryan is the janitor. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By not satisfied - 11/02/2016 17:06 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I asked my husband if he could at least try to give me an orgasm. His response? "Um... why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 168

You deserved it 3 436

By anonymous - 11/02/2016 17:03 - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, while introducing my parents to my boyfriend's parents for the first time after 1,5 years of dating my boyfriend, my boyfriend's father thought it was a good idea to talk about how loud me and my boyfriend are in the bedroom.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Sulphuric_Glue - 11/02/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Huntingdon

Today, I discovered that jokingly referring to my very tall and strong Australian friend as a "convict" is a bad idea. My balls still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By . - 11/02/2016 16:44 - United States - Junction City

Today, I found out my new step-mom turned out to be my mother's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thanks - 11/02/2016 16:28 - United States - Miami

Today, I called my father to let him know that I'm alive after being in a major accident. After twenty minutes of trying to say something, and hearing him talk about his life, he finally shut up long enough for me to say it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tVictoria - 11/02/2016 15:45 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I had a nightmare where I was cheating on my boyfriend. With Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By JP - 11/02/2016 15:29 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I'm deploying. She can't handle me gone for just 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bawsack - 11/02/2016 14:58 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I realised I was almost out of toilet roll so went to the supermarket and spend over 50.00 on food. Not until I was at home and having a shit did I realise I forgot the toilet paper. I never liked that facecloth anyway. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 14:57 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I saved a little boy's life by shoving him out of the way of a speeding van. He is alright, but I am about to undergo a surgery that will decide if I ever walk again. Also, his family hates me because they think I tried hurting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By julio - 11/02/2016 14:25 - United States - Memphis

I was playing seven minutes in heaven yesterday, it was my turn and I was blindfolded. I went to the closet and it was dark. Me and the girl started to make out, as soon we were done, I realized that I made out with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 14:23 - United States - Brigham City

Today, I tripped at work and my hand caught on my bosses rather large boobs, breaking the flimsy bra they had on and popping it out of their shirt for the whole office to see. My boss is male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 11/02/2016 14:17 - United States - Dallas

Today, we just submitted our group project after looking over it I realized one of the girls in my group used Wikipedia as her only source...and cited it FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By greatbigsea - 11/02/2016 13:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, My Facebook account was hacked and my entire friends list was added to a leaked nudes group. Including my grandma, who now thinks that I tried to send her naked pictures of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WabbyFish - 11/02/2016 13:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to blow my eardrum out with his pterodactyl screeching over the fact that a new book in the Harry Potter series is coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By goodbye"friends" - 11/02/2016 13:36 - Australia - Kallangur

Today, I went to the cinemas with friends to see a movie and to catch up one last time before I move away. I waited in line for 30 minutes, wondering where they were. They were already inside after buying their tickets online and choosing seats. When I got to the counter, the cinema was full. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By swimminginshit - 11/02/2016 13:36 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I found out that anytime I leave my new puppy in his kennel, even for ten minutes, he proceeds to scream and shit profusely, then make sure he steps in it, spreading it around. Every time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By svufreakazoink11 - 11/02/2016 13:24 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, it is my birthday. I was completely taken aback and elated when I was thrown a lovely surprise party... by my villagers in Animal Crossing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cheatingSucks - 11/02/2016 13:13 - United States - Clemmons

Today, my girlfriend was telling me about how she was worried she may be pregnant if her period doesn't come in the next day. Thing is... We haven't fooled around in over 2 months, but she's been hanging with guy friends quite often. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By usbutuk - 11/02/2016 12:20 - United States - Westlake

Today, I woke up early for school. Very early. So early that I accidentally put toothpaste on my toast. At least my breakfast was minty fresh... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 12:20 - United States - Waban

Today, I failed the term from being late too many times. I had broken my leg in a ski accident and my school was big, but of course that can't count as an excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By luther48 - 11/02/2016 12:08 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I woke up early for work. Like every morning I went to swap mine and my wife's phones on the charger. I thought I was holding her phone in my teeth but it was the charger. Hello dentist. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ew - 11/02/2016 12:04 - Italy - Padua

Today, I woke up to the pleasant sight of my boyfriend jerking off while smelling my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By pedinhuh - 11/02/2016 11:54

Today, I went to the mechanic to get my car, but surprisingly the car wasn't ready, turns out the problem is in the gearbox not on the CV Joint, so I just had spent R$162 for nothing, now I have to push my car out of the shop because I can't pay the mechanic to solve the problem in the gearbox, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kawaiitrash - 11/02/2016 11:48 - United States - Riverside

Today, I had to babysit my little sister, while I quickly went to the bathroom, she thought her vagina smelt weird, so she sprayed it with aerosol. Now everyone blames me and I have to pay the hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/02/2016 11:46 - Australia - Neutral Bay

Today, I found out my creepy 70 year old neighbour is a cross dresser. How I found out? I saw him looking through my window in a dress and fake boobs the size of watermelons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ahhwell - 11/02/2016 10:46

Today I walked in on my boyfriend to find him quickly trying to hide the fact that he was wanking. I found that funny and giggled, until I saw what he had been watching while getting busy. It was Myth Busters and the guy with the beard was testing a rocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nightingale1429 - 11/02/2016 10:31 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with the girl I like when she gives me a friendly shoulder punch. I tried to follow suit, but she turned and I ended up punching her right breast. She walked away crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 10:01 - Netherlands - Rotterdam

Today, I almost got arrested when I dropped my little sister off at school. Why? Because I staggered into the school, fell flat on my face and threw up in the hall. I wasn't drunk, however, I was just landsick from having spent a lot of time at sea. I don't think the principal believed me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 365

You deserved it 7 779

Today, it's my first anniversary of being a manager. It also marks a 12-month period of 30% loss in monthly income, combined with 30+ hours/month of overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 590

You deserved it 452

Today, I was a little grumpy. I tried my best to not take it out on other people, but then I encountered that ONE person who doesn't realize that sometimes people are just in a bad mood, and they proceed to give you a hard time over nothing. That person was my mom. And then later my dad. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 352

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 638

You deserved it 2 550

Today, I was working and a woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it. I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 191

You deserved it 46 687

Today, I went back home for a visit after nearly 10 years. I met up with some old friends at a bar and had an amazing evening. Afterwards, two of the wives told me I’m never allowed to speak to, nor see their husbands again, since I slept with them in high school. This was years before they even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 243