Nearly FMLs

By amafml - 10/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Kirkville

Today, I had sex with my crush for the first time. All was going well until he stopped abruptly, claiming my orgasms were disrupting his rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Hampton

Today, I was having a contraction in the car while my husband was driving me to my in-laws house (I am 9 months pregnant). He knew this, and was doing a great job at driving smoothly on the road to keep me comfortable... until he saw a silver voltswagon beetle and decided to "punch buggy" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By John - 10/02/2016 04:26 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, on my way home from school someone thew a used condom at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bobvilla500 - 10/02/2016 04:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years (fiancé for 3) said she would rather break up with me than move 2hrs away from her mother where I have a respectable job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By amafml - 10/02/2016 04:20 - United States - Kirkville

Today, I brought non alcoholic beer to a company party. My obnoxious co-worker acted completely wasted and attempted to sleep with my other co-worker. When my boss heard about this, my coworker broke down in hysteria, claiming it was my fault for bringing the beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuck me - 10/02/2016 04:14

I was working on a castle for engineering, and I made some really good progress. As I turned on the computer, something seemed different. Turns out that the school had updated the computers the night before, which means that all of my progress had been deleted.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BlaireBear01 - 10/02/2016 04:13 - United States - Opelousas

Today, I orgasmed for the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd time. unfortunately, every time I do I fart. my boyfriend thinks it's hilarious and told all his friends. I'm now known as Fartgasm FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ughhhhhhhh - 10/02/2016 04:10 - United States - San Jose

Today, my dog peed on my brand-new thousand-dollar laptop. I'm grounded for letting the dog into my room. FM

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LauraAnn33 - 10/02/2016 04:06 - United States - Avon

Today, I noticed a coworker of mine likes to pick his nose and wipe his boogers underneath tables. He was assigned to help me work at my table today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mmhmm_yeayea - 10/02/2016 03:57 - United States - Cleveland

Today, i figured out that buttermilk isnt like actual milk and dosent go good with cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bella_nana347 - 10/02/2016 03:56 - United States - Forest Park

Today, I learned that someone can break up with you even if you're not technically dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By prillepared - 10/02/2016 03:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I learned from my mother that my pet snake died in the night, while I was in the middle of shopping. I had to walk around the store holding back tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BlueBaronBitch - 10/02/2016 03:51 - United States

Today, I was working the register at my small smoothie place when a very disheveled woman came in. She demanded a smoothie, and when I handed it to her she threw it back at me yelling that I did it wrong. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact I didn't even make it or my boss yelling at me after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 03:49 - United States - Mclean

Today, my son called an ambulance and asked them to "disinfect his contaminated hand" because his latex glove ripped while he was washing the dishes. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Globrorey - 10/02/2016 03:40 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I love my husband so much, that even in a dream, my free celebrity sex pass gets cock-blocked by my husband. My own subconscious couldn't let me enjoy a one night stand with Channing Tatum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By buzzbeebuzz - 10/02/2016 03:33 - United States - Ashburn

Today, i was walking my friends chihuahua. While on the walk, the chihuahua decided to get into a fight with a german shepherd. Guess who had to tell their friend how their dog was murdered. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MHBV - 10/02/2016 03:31 - Costa Rica - San Jos?

Today, My girlfriend came back from a trip to England. She then told me that she cheated on me with 2 guys. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 03:28 - United States - Angleton

Today, because of my ADHD medication, I spent six hours entirely focused on making bracelets instead of studying for a major test. The test is in an hour, and I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smelly babysitter - 10/02/2016 03:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted in front of the toddler I babysit. He then pretended to die on the ground for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckstarwars!!! - 10/02/2016 03:25 - United States - Ontario

Today, I met the guy who could have possibly been the man of my dreams. He was tall, smart, funny, charismatic and drop dead gorgeous. We had an amazing in depth conversation but he suddenly lost all interest in me when I mentioned that I'd never seen Star Wars. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 10/02/2016 03:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my little brother broke my gaming headset by throwing it at a wall. The reason why he did that is because his YouTube Minecraft video was buffering. That headset was 80$. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whatthefuckman - 10/02/2016 03:20 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I found out my husband has been talking to the girl we had a threesome with. He apparently loves her also and wants us both. I came home today from the ER finding her in my clothes and cooking in my kitchen. He didn't think that was weird. I left. Hope they are happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 10/02/2016 03:18 - United States - Rockwood

Today, for the first time in months, I went to the gym. Too bad some fuck nugget pulled the emergency cord while I was jogging, causing the treadmill to go slower than I was jogging, resulting in a busted nose and lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ashleyaugust - 10/02/2016 03:17 - United States - Whitefish

Today, I had the shits at work for so long the automatic light turned off halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By flopstar - 10/02/2016 02:43 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I went to go and get a facial to clear the acne on my face up, so it looks nice for my schools upcoming dance. I had an allergic reaction to the face mask, and now my face has more acne than it ever has had before.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SneakyLemon117 - 10/02/2016 02:32 - United States - Norman

Today, while having sex my long-distance girlfriend decided that she had enough and pushed me off and refused to do anything else, needless to say my balls are bluer than a smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 02:31 - United Kingdom

I had to babysit for two kids, age 7 and 10. They were watching a film. After a couple of hours the 10 year old comes to me and says she needs changing. Turns out both of them use diapers so they dont have to get up for pee breaks. And cant change themselves. Parents said nothing.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/02/2016 02:29 - United States - Vancouver

Today, we did a career simulation at school today, and my top three jobs were janitor, plumber, and potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Isa_Marie0113 - 10/02/2016 02:27 - United States - Waterford

Today, my boyfriend told me to be more forward when I want sex, so I literally "scheduled" an appointment in the bedroom. He cancelled. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By help - 10/02/2016 02:25 - United States - Edgewater

Today, my boyfriend and I were wrestling. He sprained my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 326

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 200

You deserved it 2 900

Today, I talked to the people from the funding program I'm trying to use for college. With the deadlines they have, I'm not going to be able to start until next August. I'm being kicked out of my house in the next three months. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 107

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 601

You deserved it 2 736

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 098

You deserved it 2 379

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 729

You deserved it 47 022