Nearly FMLs

By CrushMunch - 11/02/2016 04:10 - United States

Today, while taking a few minutes to relax, I took a sip of water and felt something hard. I spit it out. It was a lady bug. I could taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Zacharie - 11/02/2016 04:07 - United States - Chicago

Today, our whole class had a field trip to this place to see a show. When we were walking back my best friend tells me he likes my girlfriend more than just a friend. He says that they are both the same in many things and that someday he will take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By decco6226 - 11/02/2016 03:48 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I threw up so hard, I burst some veins in my face. I now have a bruise and it looks like someone's punched me all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By noname1215 - 11/02/2016 03:46 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, my toilet trained puppy was chewing on my favourite pair of socks in our yard. The socks must have meant a lot because when I took them away from her, she marched inside and shat on the middle of the rug without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Blacksword - 11/02/2016 03:44 - United States - Maryville

Today, after petting my cat for half an hour I decide to get on my phone, my cat then decides to ferociously attack my face and leave several deep lacerations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By reddog66 - 11/02/2016 03:38 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I found out on a low budget airline- a guide dog is treated like any other dog. I tripped 4 times FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By upset stomach of doom - 11/02/2016 03:33 - United States

Today, in the middle of my peer tutoring class which kids notoriously dissappear from for the whole period, I had the worst stomach cramps of my life. I was stuck in the bathroom for the whole period. As I walked back in, the teacher told me he "really thought I was one of the good ones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hesaidno - 11/02/2016 03:23 - United States - Wichita

Today, I asked out this really cute guy I liked, I got so nervous my gum fell out of my mouth...on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cheapbag - 11/02/2016 03:12 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, my bag completely fell apart at school. This would have been fine if it wasn't the fifth time in a year and a month, and if my mother didn't keep on insisting to buy really cheap bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Count Coughula - 11/02/2016 03:06 - United States - Kent

Today, like every other day, I need to choose between a painful cough that draws blood over time, or taking medication for the cough that gives me painful, bloody shits. I'm the opposite of a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront - 11/02/2016 03:00 - United States - Beachwood

Today, my friend was going on a date to see a movie. He told me he was going with my former crush. She was "very excited" to go see the movie with him. I was the one who told her to check it out, hoping I could get her to want to see it with me. My friend knew this and got the date anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By noname1215 - 11/02/2016 02:56 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I made the traveling xc team because several faster runners were sick during trials. My coach isn't letting me give the spot up and everybody hates me for being slow and making the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By littlekellilee - 11/02/2016 02:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, I fell asleep during a long car ride home. I got a night terror and woke up screaming. Apparently the driver wasn't prepared for that, because we drove straight into a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By c.s - 11/02/2016 02:48 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my mom told my abusive ex he can continue to live with us and then told my friend who has literally no where to go that she has to be out by the first. Her reasoning? "It is too packed with her here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sammisweets93 - 11/02/2016 02:34 - United States - Rochester

Today, I found out that I am premanently blind in my right eye because the doctors couldn't tell that my optic nerve was severely swollen and being crushed. They also told my mom I was just faking being blind for a month to get attention...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By filledwithanxiety - 11/02/2016 02:29 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had a panic attack and couldn't flush my toilet for 20 minutes because I was afraid to see if I had clogged it or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nickncik - 11/02/2016 02:12 - United States - Beverly

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 252

You deserved it 48 532

By anonymous - 11/02/2016 01:58 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother told me that she "wishes she never had kids". This was because I couldn't find a paint tarp, we aren't even painting anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By greedyass - 11/02/2016 01:43 - United States - Pomona

Today, there was a gas leak at work. The gas company told the doctor I work for to evacuate the building. He said no and I now have to endure the smell and try not to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AZcardinals - 11/02/2016 01:39 - United States - Orangeburg

Today, I slipped on the campus sidewalk and broke my ankle. What did I slip on? The rock salt the University uses to prevent ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 01:27 - United States - Austin

Today, like every other day this year, I'm 24 years old, live with my parents, and work at the McDonalds down the street. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By winey - 11/02/2016 01:20 - United States - York

Today, I tried to open a bottle of wine using an old corkscrew shaped like a pirate. The pirate broke off, leaving the screw deeply imbedded in the cork. When I tried to pull it out I sliced my wrist open. Sure could use a glass of wine right about now. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By danimal_crackerz - 11/02/2016 01:19 - United States - Allston

Today, my social anxiety has escalated to the point that my first response, to a stranger saying hello to me, was to say "Yo no hablo Inglés". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 01:10 - United States - Detroit

Today, I had to cancell plans with my best friend because it was my cousins candle light visual today. She thought i was lying. She still thought that i was lying when she saw me on the news crying while holding a candle. She's not talking to me anymore. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonoymous - 11/02/2016 01:03 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mother cried tears of joy when I read a book and had full stops between sentences. Two days ago I had three instrumental solos during a play and nailed them. My mom simply said "good job" when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unknown97 - 11/02/2016 01:01 - United States - Burlington

Today, I figured out that my boyfriend cheated on me to see if he really did want to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By spankthatcow - 11/02/2016 00:12 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I posted a picture and captioned it "crazy curly hair" and expected comments like "no, your hair is beautiful!" instead I got "LOL so tru!" And "ya it's a disaster lmao." FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By they hv a list - 11/02/2016 00:10 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years for the first time. I later caught him sending a text to his friend that read, "finally got her. Who should be next?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By The Squirter - 10/02/2016 23:50 - United States - Plymouth

Today, a girl winked at me. Trying to be flirtatious, I bit the bottom of my lip and the pimple that was right below it. The pimple squirted a pretty far distance. I hoped that she didn't notice but the disgusted look on her face killed any hope I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By PuckYouToTheFace - 10/02/2016 23:46 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was walking home from class when I slipped and fell backwards down a ramp. What did I slip on? Road salt that my university uses to prevent ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 547

You deserved it 193

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years is better friends with my younger sister and when she has free time to go out and do something, she would rather spend it with her than with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 409

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 425

You deserved it 8 840

Today, I dropped my phone. I'd only just bought this new phone last night. It barely survived 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 484

Today, after coming home with a delicious chocolate cake that I bought for Easter for my family, I realized my mom's cat was chewing on the end of my cellphone charging cord that I left on the floor in a rush to head out the door. I'd only just bought the cord yesterday and the cat chewed on it so hard, the plug's bent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 310

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 679

You deserved it 616