Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 19:03 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be funny to lace my morning coffee with Viagra. I teach at an elementary school and I can't get rid of my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 18:57 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, It is my birthday. My family decided to surprise me by taking me bowling which is my favorite activity. While heading there I bought some food. When we got there they said no bringing in foreign food. So I waited outside while I ate. My family promised they would wait for me.. They didn't.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nightingale1429 - 10/02/2016 18:21 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with the girl I like when she gave me a friendly shoulder punch. I tried to follow suit, but she turned and I ended up punching her right breast. She walked away crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By istheaar_on - 10/02/2016 18:11 - Italy - Vicenza

Today, I applied for a job that I am over qualified for. I was hoping this will allow me to start with a decent salary, until the interviewer asks "you have a bachelor's in biology, why did you apply for this job?" I responded with "yes". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By 8months - 10/02/2016 17:55 - United States - De Soto

Today, while reaching the 8th month of my pregnancy I was rear ended by a labor and delivery nurse who felt the accident was my fault, lied to the cop while I was in the ambulance, and sped off flinging gravel all over my husband and father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By istheaar_on - 10/02/2016 17:53 - Italy - Vicenza

Today, I saw fireworks by fiercely stubbing my pinky toe with my bed. I fell to the floor while clinching my foot in agony. Once the pain resided, I quickly headed towards the bathroom to not get late to work- only to stub my toe even harder, with the same furniture. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Fucked Engineer - 10/02/2016 17:20 - Jordan

Today, my hard work finally paid off. i got promoted to a managerial position while my boss fired the whole team whose supposed to work under me. He expects me to do their job & mine.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By butterfinger - 10/02/2016 17:13 - Slovenia - Limbus

Today, while eating breakfast I reached a new goal in my life. I managed to cut my finger. With a butter knife. My husband can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By eye bleach - 10/02/2016 17:08 - United States

Today, I was walking in the woods when I saw a little kid swinging on a tree. I wasn't wearing my glasses. It was someone who hung themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whyyoubreakdis - 10/02/2016 16:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell through the floor of my attic, my father came running just to check on the ceiling and started yelling at me for breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dummytechsupport - 10/02/2016 16:50 - United States - Westlake

Today I thought I had a date. She thought she had free tech support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 16:48 - United States

Today, my biology teacher went into great detail of what the doctors were going to be looking for in his rectal exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ZoroMiHawk - 10/02/2016 16:47 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my friend cashed in on a favor I owe him. I have to somehow make his girlfriend aware that she's getting fat without upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By deseanjohn - 10/02/2016 16:30 - United States - Irving

Today, I've learned I was fired a week ago and the letter of termination went to my neighbor; who didn't give it to me till today. I've gone to work for a whole week and no one there told me I had been fired.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Cmaples18 - 10/02/2016 16:30 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, I saw my friend in the hallway and told him someone drew a dick on his forehead. It was a cross, and today is Ash Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By 28actress - 10/02/2016 16:18 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I live with his parents because they are very close to our college campus. While we were in class his mom decided to get us a new nightstand. She moved over everything from the old one..including our lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sick - 10/02/2016 15:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at school, I didn't feel good so I went to the nurse. The nurse had me lay down for a bit but sent me back to class instead of sending me home. In class, I puked. I got yelled at for not staying home because I'm sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lonely_in_vienna - 10/02/2016 15:25 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I felt so lonely that I was actually happy about a fly buzzing into my apartement, keeping me company. I named him Finn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By some highschooler - 10/02/2016 15:25 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my dad decided not to call me off school and let me get the truancy and suspension. I've only missed two days this year but he thinks I "was faking throwing up" yesterday so a suspension is fair punishment. I wasn't faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 914smv - 10/02/2016 15:21 - United States - Damascus

Today, organizing some old luggage I found my husband old phone with a txt that said " going to buy a new phone, txt u later, love u" It wasn't my phone number... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GeetarGuy - 10/02/2016 15:18 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I picked up my guitar for the first time in months, only to be told how annoying and awful I was by my mother and I should just give up. 13 years and a degree wasted then I guess. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By physcoticboyfriend - 10/02/2016 15:13 - United States - Andrews

Today, I came home to realize that my boyfriend of 7 months had broken into my apartment, shaved my dog's hair completely off, and carved in big letters on my wooden desk "WE R DUN." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Leauge - 10/02/2016 15:02 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized that I was so poor that I was thinking of going to jail and live a easy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ninjaa_kitteh - 10/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Clearfield

Today, of all of the things to be allergic to, i'm allergic to my acne treatment. So now my face is not only covered in zits, it's also red, swollen and on fire. And my family is pissed because they spent more on the acne treatment than my cousins Super Bowl tickets. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Waterloo - 10/02/2016 14:56 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I fell asleep in class...no big deal, right? yea except for the fact that the whole time i was sleeping I was mumbling about what I wanted to do to my teacher (it apparently wasnt school appropriate) im now expecting a suspension and a removal from her class FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/02/2016 14:51 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, my doctor told me that my leukemia was so bad, I only had a week to live. I decided to make a bucket list which included humiliating my ex, and getting back at the popular girls at my school. After completely finishing it, my doctor told me I was going to live after all.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stinky - 10/02/2016 14:47 - United States - Plano

Today, in my preschool class, one of the toddlers finally learned to share. Too bad she was sharing handfuls of poo from her diaper, giving it to all her friends. I then had 8 toddlers smearing poo all over the classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Possiblestraight - 10/02/2016 14:30 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I found out that my girlfriend tend to dress herself like a man when she secretly needs some time away from me. I'm not sure what's bad, the part where she dress up like a dude to get away from me, or I'm more eager to have sex to a girl trying looking like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 13:41 - United States - Brazil

Today,I saw a women post on CL about free "pussy cats"me being a cat person and wanting a cat I text and ask if she had any when she did I went right over,lets just say two grown women looking awkwardly at at each other while ones in an S&M outfit with cat ears and tail should of never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Rebecca - 10/02/2016 13:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had a heart attack and while I was in hospital the doctor basically told me I had the heart of a stressed out 60 year old. I am 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 503

You deserved it 16 123

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 334

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 822

You deserved it 2 177

Today, I received a big scholarship. I was ecstatic, until I looked up the cost of tuition at that university. I still need $120K. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 567

You deserved it 2 380

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 831

You deserved it 2 013

Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 438