Nearly FMLs

By marsalann20 - 10/02/2016 13:11 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, having a rare day off from work and studies, i put up some porn and jerked off back to back to two different porn videos, little did i know that my gf was still on the skype session that i had with her prior to logging on to the porn site and she saw me doing it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By unsaid - 10/02/2016 12:42 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for 3 years, is in love with my best friend. My best friend knows all the fantasies I've had about him. She loves him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Eli Transgender - 10/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Furlong

Today, I was at register when my coworkers shouted at me to stop hitting the help button that buzzes the back room. I've had issues with my breasts bumping stuff for 15 years but am transitioning now. Then I realized it. I'd hit it with my prosthetic penis. I couldn't even explain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By foreveralone - 10/02/2016 12:01 - United States - Waconia

Today, I was teaching a dance class full of kindergarteners. A couple of the girls started talking about their boyfriends, and I said, "You"re too young to have boyfriends! I don't even have one!" One of the girls looked me straight in the eye and said, "Yeah, that's because you're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 11:28 - Australia - Doncaster

Today I was at the petrol station. I spilt petrol on my pants. Later that evening I went to a BBQ. I lit the BBQ on fire and it went up in flames.. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By L0rdAsgore - 10/02/2016 11:24 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I found out that the tap water at our home is contaminated with heavy metals. I already drank 2 litres when my mum told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mo - 10/02/2016 11:24 - United Kingdom - Bonnybridge

Today, I went to my University to get a free copies of Windows 10 Enterprise, before this, I had just spent £100 obtaining a legit windows 10 copy. In order to use advance features, I then spent another £100. I could have saved £200 If I knew my Uni was giving out Windows 10 for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 11:14 - Australia - Mulgrave

Today, my girlfriend let me take some naked photos of her on my phone. In order to make sure no one ever found them I text them to myself in hopes of hiding them. I accidentally text one to her best friend. Now she thinks my girlfriend is a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By mzclutchie - 10/02/2016 10:48 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was driving to work when my vehicle's battery light came on. I'm now sitting in my aunt's driveway, hoping she can give me a ride to work. It's 15 degrees out. I'm afraid to turn off the car, and she hasn't answered me yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 10:30 - United Kingdom - Sutton

Today, I irreparably damaged my beloved leather sofa whilst applying a product called "Protect and Preserve." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rockydify - 10/02/2016 10:23 - Australia

Today, I had to pretend to not be hungry at work in front of the bosses after they cut my hours so much I couldn't afford lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By curlytop7 - 10/02/2016 09:52 - United States - Evanston

Today, I had to shut down my travel business for financial reasons. I wasn't able to concentrate on it enough last year to generate clients because both of my parents died 5 months apart. I was spending time with them in hospice and I was grieving. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nightingale1429 - 10/02/2016 09:35 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I was hanging out with the girl I like when she gives me a friendly shoulder punch. I tried to follow suit, but she turned and I ended up punching her right breast. She walked away crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Nightingale1429 - 10/02/2016 09:30 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I had the itch of a lifetime on my sensitive area and it wouldn't go away. I then tried using a dull knife dragging it horizontally down the length of my sac. My sister barges in and sees her big brother attempting to cut off his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/02/2016 07:40 - United States - Sarasota

Today, after staying up past 2 am doing school work, I walked in on my father jacking off to porn. He spent over a minute trying to mute the computer before frantically closing it and pretending nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By wellthissucks - 10/02/2016 07:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been with every single girl in town. What's worse? My family knew and didn't tell me. Thanks guys. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uglyfeet - 10/02/2016 06:51 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was getting a pedicure. I know Korean but the workers do not know this. Yes they really do talk about you. Yes I was too embarrassed to speak up for my "fat ugly ankles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By confused - 10/02/2016 06:46 - United States - Vienna

Today, my best guy friend of 15 years told me we can't hang out anymore because his girlfriend of 2 years randomly doesn't trust me. I'm lesbian and she knows this and has met my girlfriend multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/02/2016 06:36 - United States - Sylacauga

Today, I was waiting at a red light behind two other cars. Once the light turned green, the cars in front of me sat there for a good 10 seconds. Frustrated, I honked my horn. 0.2 seconds later, an ambulance rushes past us. Wrong day to leave my hearing aids at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SleepyKittie - 10/02/2016 06:13 - United States - Wildomar

Today, My boyfriend and I made a New Years resolution to not see each other until we hit our weight loss goals. It was supposed to be motivational for us but he avoids answering whenever I ask him for progress updates. I'm starting to think I should just hit my goal weight and find a new guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Seth64 - 10/02/2016 06:07 - United States - Auburn

Today, my cat got a bloody nose from the dry air as usual. As I was cleaning her off, she sneezed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Scatterplot - 10/02/2016 05:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, at school, we were discussing our heritages. After class, a Jewish girl in our class pulled me aside and started screaming at me for what my people did to her people. I'm Swedish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By omgnotomatoes - 10/02/2016 05:50 - United States - Gulfport

Today, I got fired from a restaurant just because I politely suggested to a customer she could always pick off the tomatoes off her pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Jokesonme - 10/02/2016 05:49 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I was walking out of the laundry facility of my apartment complex with my dry clothes. A couple of steps after passing a cute girl I locked eyes with, I dropped something and she picked it up. It was a man thong that my friend bought me as a prank a few months back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 18mpavli - 10/02/2016 05:47 - United States - Blair

Today, I went to the doctor due to having a cold, but when the doctor ran tests, he said I had cancer. I said in shock "how long do I have?" He replied "Wrong person! Sorry but they have to same last name as you". Turns out my grandma was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 05:39 - United States - Farmington

Today, I saw an old High School Friend. Upon catching up, I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. She said, "Hey that's mine too!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 05:27 - United States - Southgate

Today, my friend gave me a condom to "help me out later". After having long, rough sex with my girlfriend I told him about it. He proceeded to tell me that not only did he find the condom on the ground, it had a hole in it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By iced_tea - 10/02/2016 05:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I slept through my alarm, started my period, spilled hot water on my desk, later spilled a thermos of tea on myself, ripped my shirt, and possibly failed a midterm. At least I was able to stop dwelling on those things when I had to wait in below freezing weather for my bus home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 04:33 - United States - Bedminster

Today, my right ear has needed to pop for over 18 hours, but I physically can't pop it. It's impacting my hearing to the point that I can't hear people talking if they are directly to my right. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 04:31 - United States - Decatur

Today I was winning in a card tournament when I started my period and suddenly became so ill I had to forfeit. Simply being female cost me an entry spot in nationals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 8 539

Today, I found out that my amazing sugar and oil olive body scrub will cause the next person to get in the shower to slip and break an arm. We have no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 606

You deserved it 1 600

Today, I explained to my teenage daughter that enough was enough and she needed to start shaving her armpits again, stating it was unladylike and unsanitary. Her only response was, "If it's so unsanitary, why don't you make my brother do it?" I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 212

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 336

You deserved it 68 768

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 215

You deserved it 6 906

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 149

You deserved it 5 019