Nearly FMLs

By anon - 18/02/2016 00:03 - United States - Helena

Today, after wondering why I got a severe cramp in my stomach every time I had sex, and never having an orgasm, I went to the doctor. I found out I have a rare condition, and yes I have had multiple orgasms, they're the severely painful cramps I get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 23:58 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, I put a lock on the toilet door so I can finally go in piece. Halfway through my first shit my 4yo tries to open the door but soon gives up. It's working! Then I hear "Mum! Is this your hammer?" followed by loud banging. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 23:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I walked into class like any other day only for my professor to angrily start yelling at me in fromt of the entire class. Confused, I eventually realized that somehow the time on my phone was an hour behind. I missed a review for a major exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Alex - 17/02/2016 23:35 - United States - Canton

Today, my best friends mom was organizing a sweet sixteen surprise party. I was the bait to tell her to come over and so we could go out. When I asked her she said, "my mom just said I can't Hang out tonight."

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TrainThis - 17/02/2016 23:35 - United States

Today, I was told that I would be training a new employee. I wasn't told, however, that the new employee would be my jackass ex boyfriend, who is unbelievably lazy and manipulative.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By emotional bitch - 17/02/2016 23:29 - United States - Dayton

Today, my erratic mood was at it's weirdest. I was watching a nature show, with a hunting scene between a sea lion and a killer whale. I for someone reason thought the helpless sea lion looked and acted exactly like my cat, started sobbing uncontrollably, then proceeded to have a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 17/02/2016 23:22 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after getting 14 viles of blood drawn they have concluded I have chlamydia. The only way I'd have it is from my boyfriend of 5 years. He admitted on cheating on me with my friends sister. Now she's mad that I know and it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By raisedthisfool - 17/02/2016 23:07

Today, my son wore a "Wake n' Bake" shirt to his court hearing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By koala189 - 17/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, my teacher put my packet of homework in the trash for being a day late even after she specifically told me that I had an extra day for being sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Raina8008 - 17/02/2016 22:45 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I realized, after a year together, how abusive my fiancée is and decided to end the engagement. I guess I should have remembered to get my cat first because after I did, I found out he was sold and I cant get him back. He was my service cat, and I need him for my health. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Zarokona - 17/02/2016 22:35 - United States - College Station

Today, my best-friend, who also happens to be the guy I love and was going to confess to, told me he thinks I'm outdated, boring, lack confidence, and too conservative in my appearance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By clingoni - 17/02/2016 22:33 - United States - Harvey

Today, I realized that my Valentine's gift is the best I've gotten in years. I was so excited and it's the only gift I got. It's a heart shaped, Spider-Man stress ball that I got from my mom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 22:26 - United States - Denver

Today after 9 years and 10 months of dating and a year of planning our wedding for our 10 year anniversary my fiance informed me that he doesnt believe marriage matters and doesnt really want to get married. Where was this information years ago? Or even before i dropped a grand on a dress and ring?

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nightowl456 - 17/02/2016 22:22 - United States - Benton

Today, the girl I have liked for a long time was in my room while I was at work I had my pocket pussy on the floor. Next to my bed and I know for a fact that she saw it. Time for it to be really awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pocketpixie90 - 17/02/2016 22:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I am sick, but still have to go to work. I instantly vomit whenever I see or smell food. I work for a catering company, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By melancholy in melbourne - 17/02/2016 22:08 - Australia - Southbank

Today, my hard drive failed and I've lost all my class notes. I am 1 week from my final exams. I have no backups. Never making that mistake again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Rostin - 17/02/2016 21:39 - United States - Burlington

Today, the small amount of respect I had for my sister disappeared. I saw she had Miley Cyrus as the background on her phone. I made a snarky comment, she flipped out ranting about how Miley can do whatever she wants since she's famous and ended up calling me a whore. I'm related to an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By wtf - 17/02/2016 21:38 - United States - Clovis

Today, after telling a girl she could come over whenever she needed just to be nice because she is having marital problems, the past 3 days I have woken up with her in my house, sitting in my living room. All my doors are locked, I have no idea how she keeps getting in.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 17/02/2016 21:33 - United States - Collingswood

Today, I went to my recruiters office again because I'm going in the army. Last time I was there they told me that I had to push off my wedding until after basic, so my fiance and I changed the date. Today I was informed that the only way I can join is if I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By evasun26 - 17/02/2016 21:32 - United States

Today, I dropped my brand new phone in a toilet in Mexico. Before I could even think about what I was doing I went nearly elbows deep with both hands in a public toilet that smelled like ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Spencyy - 17/02/2016 21:32 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I found out both of my parents have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By j - 17/02/2016 21:26

Today, my senile mother gave me the sex talk. On my Facebook timeline. I'm a 34 year old male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SpicPepper - 17/02/2016 21:23 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I got yelled at by another driver to get off my phone while driving. After he ran a stop sign and 'tapped' my car. After he also informed me I should learn to not be a dumb woman driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By now single - 17/02/2016 21:18 - United States - San Jose

Today, my boyfriend told me my weight was a turn off and when I gave him "the look" he goes, "no, no not your weight, I meant your personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oldsoul - 17/02/2016 21:02 - United States - Marengo

Today, I realized how out of touch I am with my generation when I had to Urban Dictionary words in my Urban Dictionary definition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tsubaki7 - 17/02/2016 20:58

Today, I realized my two week old daughter loves my boyfriend more than me when she started screaming and I couldn't calm her down yet as soon as he takes her she stopped screaming and fell asleep on his chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dreee - 17/02/2016 20:52 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today I found out why all the teenage girls in the stable hate me. Apparently, asking the good-looking stable boy to help me moving a bale of hay and saying "thank you" afterwards makes me a cougar that wants to sleep and elope with him. I'm happily married and 4 months pregnant.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 20:44 - United States - Dayton

Today, a kid, whose mom I carpool with, had a cough that sounded like pertussis. Turns out she knew he had it and sent him to school anyway. My 1 year old isn't old enough to be fully vaccinated and is in the hospital. She doesn't understand why I'm pissed and thinks she did my kids a favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 17/02/2016 20:40 - United States - Nashville

Today, while my professor was talking about police brutality with African Americans. Siri says "I'm sorry, I didn't get that." All eyes were on me. I have no idea how that happened since I didn't even touch my phone. I am the only Caucasian in the class. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sideeffect001 - 17/02/2016 20:12 - United States - Logan

Today, I got back my grade for a creative writing project. I got a D because the teacher said it was, "Too creative." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 737

You deserved it 13 075

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt… into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 007

You deserved it 78 253

Today, our landlord has begun eviction proceedings because he’s received over 100 complaints about our dog, who barks constantly, and who my wife has stubbornly refused to get rid of. My wife has basically forced us to choose between that fucking mutt and being homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 675

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 774

You deserved it 1 095

Today, I realized my marriage makes me feel like I'm just passing time until death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 139

Today, I was doing homework when had to leave to help my family out with chores. I didn't mind it of course, but it turns out I could get signed out of the science homework site, and now have no way to sign back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 124