Nearly FMLs

By Screenofdeath - 18/02/2016 06:21 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, My dumbass roommate fell for the deleting system 32 trick. My Tax returns were on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Devilmonkey360 - 18/02/2016 06:10 - United States - San Jose

Today I had to throw up all of my lunch in order to get a fish bone that was stuck in my throat out.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CrazyFather - 18/02/2016 06:03 - United States - Collins

Today, my boyfriend took me on a date. My dad is super protective because I'm the only girl. When he walked in the door my dad threw a shotgun shell at him and told him they get a lot faster after 10pm. I'm 20 years old, and have been dating the guy for 3 years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Forceful Parent - 18/02/2016 06:01 - United States - Havertown

Today, I learn how bad my stepdaughter's hatred for her dad and I really is when her mother called freaking out because we wanted to go to her graduation.Apparently we are forcing ourselves on her. This was not the case when we bought her a car , paid for her brand new iPhone and other bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 05:52 - Canada - Trenton

Today, I went out for the first time in 3 years... My boyfriend of 6 years sent texts berating me, calling me names, and telling me to not bother coming home. I went tobogganing with my two girlfriends to feel nostalgic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bakekdhsbsh - 18/02/2016 05:43 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I was forced to ski off a jump otherwise I would be laughed at and be called a coward for the rest of college. So I jumped and broke my wrist. I was still laughed at and now being called wimpy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By falloutgirlll - 18/02/2016 05:40 - India

Today, I was listening to music on my laptop, when all of a sudden sex noises started playing. turns out it was an NSFW ad. also turns out, that my headphones weren't plugged in & my mom was standing right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By VomitRat - 18/02/2016 05:39

Today, my sister puked a mountain in our bathroom, and by our closet. This wouldn't be as bad, except she didn't tell anyone, not even try to clean it up, so it's been sitting there for a few hours. Guess who got yelled at by their father to clean all of it at 12 am with no help? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By really? - 18/02/2016 05:25 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband posted on Facebook about our upcoming divorce. I can't see it because he unfriended me last week, but all of my friends can. I wasn't planning on telling anyone yet except my family.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By college life is hard - 18/02/2016 05:24 - United States - Auburn

Today, I realized that it is 12:30am and that I have to wake up in 6 hours. I also realized that I still have a presentation to create, a memo to type, and an impossible test to study for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By loner - 18/02/2016 05:23 - United States - Seattle

Today, my dad asked me if I had plans for this weekend. I told him no but there's a possibility they could happen. He started to laugh and told me I needed friends for plans to happen. My sister then chimed in saying don't worry she has friend, referring to my cat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cat man - 18/02/2016 05:19 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I called the store I recently got hired at to know when I start my training. Turns out they called me by mistake and already filled the position. I only have 27 dollars left in my wallet until I find a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By necrophilia not an option - 18/02/2016 05:13 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my sex life is so pathetic that I started getting a boner while dressing a dead body for her service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhyM3Th0ugh - 18/02/2016 04:56 - United States - Hood River

Today, after buying a bag of chips from the store, my cousin and I fell off the bike we were riding while crossing the road. My foot got stuck on the pedal and instead of helping me, she took my chips and ran to safety as she saw a car speeding toward us. A bag of chips is worth more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kh1997 - 18/02/2016 04:55 - Canada

Today, my roommate decided it would be a great idea to air out the house so she opened all the windows. This would be ok if we didn't live in Canada and she didn't forget to shut mine. I just got home from work it's 9:55 and I'm freezing....FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChilledCheese - 18/02/2016 04:55

Today, my now ex-girlfriend got a new boyfriend. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tytonic - 18/02/2016 04:47 - United States - Quakertown

Today, while taking my driver's test, some drunk guy going three times the speed limit blew a red light and collided with my car, sending me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NoSnowDaysInSweden - 18/02/2016 04:40 - United States - Tampa

Today, last year, it took me two hours to get to school because of a snowstorm. Just after I got there, we were all told we could leave since it would take us forever to get home because of the storm. It took me three hours. The only snow day I have ever had, I spent on a train. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GrowUpMom - 18/02/2016 04:31 - United States - Merritt Island

Today, my mom decided to spend $100 on a race just to impress her new "boy toy". 1.) She doesn't even like watching the races. 2.) She doesn't have a job. 3.) We're being evicted March 1st because she can't pay her rent. Can I have a new mom please? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By afofkdjshsn - 18/02/2016 04:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was masturbating in bed. As I came, I accidentally pissed myself as well. In doing so I woke up my husband, who didn't believe I'd spilled water on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By too hairy - 18/02/2016 04:10 - United States - King George

Today, I found photos of my celebrity crush shirtless, and discovered that he has less body hair than I do. He's a 24 year old guy, I'm an 18 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 04:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today I maxed out my credit card to purchase a new battery for my car because the old one died and I had to move my car to the other side of the road or I'd get another $35 ticket and after the AAA guy let me borrow his shovel to clear a spot in 2ft of snow, someone swooped in and parked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 04:04 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my girlfriend took the chance of waking me up by sucking me off since I'd had a wet dream. When I woke up, it scared the crap out of me and I kicked her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mikeyel16 - 18/02/2016 04:04 - United States - Humble

Today, my best friend died, when they read the will i found out she left me her massive dildo collection. I'm a straight dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By retailsucks12 - 18/02/2016 04:02 - United States - Mount Kisco

Today, I was fired from my job because my boss thought that the reason I called out was because I didn't want to go in. I had a migraine and had an anxiety attack that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 04:00 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me and went to bed early because I told her I had no interest in taking codeine and sprite with her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By donewithlife - 18/02/2016 03:56 - United States - Boardman

Today, I went to the nurses office with a sore throat. She went to go check my throat with her flashlight and a stick, as she put the stick down my throat I didn't gag and she looked at me with a disgusted and confused look. She then asked my if I was used to something be shoved down my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By musicislife41315 - 18/02/2016 03:48 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I accidently came out as pansexual after being put on laughing gas at the dentist in front of my family and now they keep questioning me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By not sharing my username - 18/02/2016 03:46 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was pooping and my arse was lacerated by a half-digested broken chicken bone, not only did the pain stop me continuing my business - the bone kept digging into my anus for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By chrisstachon - 18/02/2016 03:43 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I tried opening a door for a pretty girl behind me. As I go to reach the handle, I twist my ankle, grab the handle and fall on my ass. She asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 418

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 7 212

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 157

Today, I realized I sacrificed all my friends to make sure my marriage was successful, but sometimes when under extreme stress from my wife, I use the B-word and that’s enough for her to want to leave me. However, it’s perfectly fine for her to say "Fuck you" and that I’m a everything but a decent human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 456

Today, I went for a trial shift somewhere perfect for me to work. I knew loads about the place and how they worked. The trial shift went really well. Not even two hours after my shift, they rang to tell me I'd lost out to someone who swore at a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 601

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 361

You deserved it 1 673