Nearly FMLs

By Anonymist - 18/02/2016 03:35 - United States - O Fallon

Today, the guy I've been in love with for years, that told me he was gay last week, showed up to my birthday party with his new girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hiitisbrooke - 18/02/2016 03:26 - United States - Southfield

Today, I was watching the season finale of my favorite show online. At the climax, the power in my house went off, leaving me at a cliffhanger. Five hours later, still no power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhenBirdsAttack - 18/02/2016 03:25 - United States - Victorville

Today, I had to give an important presentation that would be worth a large chunk of our grades. Instead, I was stuck on the school toilet with explosive diarrhea and some really bad cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HelloGoodBye230 - 18/02/2016 03:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, we got a paper to fill out our schedules for next school year. I'm the only one who didn't get a paper when I went to get one, my teacher yelled "no don't come up and here and get one you're failing anyway" loud enough for the whole floor to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lolly2party - 18/02/2016 03:22 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I expressed interest in getting a nose piercing. Instead of my boyfriend being supportive he told me he would break up with me. When I told him "ok, I won't get a nose piercing" he still broke up with me because "he doesn't want to date a girl who wants a nose piercing" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 02:59 - United States - Naperville

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I had left my music on shuffle in the background, and let's just say that the Pokémon theme song doesn't exactly do a good job of setting the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By livingispain - 18/02/2016 02:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some asshat at my school decided to come in with the flu. What they don't know is that I got it and have since been kicked out of my house because if my mom catches it, she could die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BroskiMoski - 18/02/2016 02:52 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my mom informed me that the only present she got me for my birthday (duct tape) was to wrap her boyfriends present. Worst part is it wasn't even his birthday for another 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 18/02/2016 02:39 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my cat is in heat and wants everything to fuck her, including my dads foot. If that's not bad enough she keeps backing up to my face. I'm a lesbian, the only pussy I can get is my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 02:39 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after 4 hellish months of torment from my bigoted, antisemitic coworker, I finally told my boss. When confronted, the cunt accused me of being racist. I am now suspended until my disciplinary meeting on Monday. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By SpiderCleanse - 18/02/2016 02:38 - United States - Denver

Today, I found a dead spider at the bottom of my face wash. I have been using it for weeks and have no idea how long it's been there.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 0262944 - 18/02/2016 02:35 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my eyes are burning and fingers hurt from not getting sleep for days studying for my AP exam which has now been postponed to next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 02:31 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went on a blind date. Things were going well until after dinner when he said "You're too fat for a second date with me but we can go to my place and bang if you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhyM3Th0ugh - 18/02/2016 02:25 - United States - Hood River

Today, during my Student-Led Conference, I had to excuse myself out of class due to a bad coughing fit only to end up throwing up on myself the moment I stepped outside. I had to come back inside and continue the conference in my vomit-stained sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poorstudent - 18/02/2016 02:05 - Germany - Berlin

Today, after several days of pain, I checked what was going on in the back of my throat, equipped with a pocket lamp and a cotton bud. When I hit the sore part with a sharp end of the Q-tip, it started bleeding blood and puss, which I was so repulsed by that I threw up my dinner instantly. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By swervelol - 18/02/2016 01:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, in an attempt to get the girl who was cheating off me on my math test to get a bad grade I purposely changed the signs on my answers so she would get them wrong. I didn't realize until now that I never switched the signs back. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By notgaybutthanks - 18/02/2016 01:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I was seated next to a kid that I'd never met before. I was polite and kind to him, wanting to make a good impression. He asked me if I'd like to see his "special sausage". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GZilla2010 - 18/02/2016 01:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fairly minor wreck with no injuries. It wouldn't be that big of a deal if it wasn't the day before my 18th birthday, and my insurance rates would have gone down. Now I have no car to drive and a hefty price hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 18/02/2016 01:27 - United States - Visalia

Today, A lady bitched me out at the grocery store for not holding the door open for her. I would've but the door is automatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By erase_my_ears - 18/02/2016 01:19 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I got stuck on a plane for three hours and a guy nearby me won't stop farting. Every time he farts it makes this baby cry. Now the air is foul and there's a crying baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By why - 18/02/2016 01:15 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, I got on the train to go to my boyfriends house since my car is in the shop. I was dressed a little sexy and sat down in the last seat next to a man. After a night of no sleep I fell asleep and woke up to the man staring at my boobs with his armed rapped around me about to kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 01:01 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I found a zit on my cock. Normally, I would ignore it till it disappeared, but my new girlfriend loves to pop zits with her long nails, and it really hurts, bleeds even. So sex in the dark and no hand jobs for the next week at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jbud88 - 18/02/2016 00:58 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I tried to send a snapchat video of me masturbating to my wife. Instead I posted it to my story, her best friend and my ex saw it. My wife didnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By bee - 18/02/2016 00:52 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I am supposed to be studying for a unit exam in chemistry tomorrow, a class in which I struggle greatly. Today is also the day that I was feeling more motivated than usual to do so— that is, until my period came for a visit. Now I'm deliriously singing pop songs and crying about nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nope-nope-nope - 18/02/2016 00:49 - United States - Norristown

Today, I have such a bad stomach bug, I can't even drink flat ginger ale without feeling nauseous. But if I'm dehydrated, I'll feel worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sexxykitten - 18/02/2016 00:46 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at the water park my bf snuck up behind me and squeezed my breasts making one pop out my top. not only did my new boss see but so did his wife and children. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 18/02/2016 00:36 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, is my 17th birthday. I got an intervention because I still sleep with a stuffed animal. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I still do or the fact that I cried for three hours because they burnt her while I was in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dumped - 18/02/2016 00:33 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I got dumped on Valentines day. Why? Because I wanted my boyfriend to spend time with me instead of his male friend on Valentines day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Konnichiwashingston - 18/02/2016 00:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher gave me a zero on an essay assignment because I "didn't take it out of my binder fast enough." She waited half a minute for the person behind me to pull his essay out of his backpack and hand it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 00:10 - United States - Canton

Today, at work there was a mouse in a trap. It wasn't dead. I had to bash it's head with a wrench. I've never felt like a worse human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 877

You deserved it 25 751

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 330

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 005

You deserved it 4 930

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 141

You deserved it 7 109

Today, I bought tickets to Walt Disney World for myself and my 6 year-old. She just announced she's afraid to ride an escalator, to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 209

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 148