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The all-time greatest FMLs

Stinking the place out to own the libs

By Sigh - 18/01/2023 18:00

Today, my 30 year-old daughter was fired from her job for bad hygiene, despite getting multiple warnings and write ups. She says she’s not showering to save money, and this “inflation shit is out of control.” According to her, me and the “Demoncrats voted for it” and made it this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 443

Pyrotechnics

By Homeless for the holidays - 14/12/2020 04:58 - United States - Farmington

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 156

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mum gave me a two-month ultimatum to get married or risk being disowned. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 85

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 249

Distracted

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 12:00

Today, I was having a deep conversation with a woman at a bus stop about philosophy. Little did I know, her boyfriend was rummaging through my purse while she kept my focus. I’m a PhD candidate in philosophy, and it was the best conversation I’d had it months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 251

You'll get some eventually

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 16:59 - China

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 408

RIP in peace

By Jill - 01/11/2021 11:00 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out that my favorite aunt passed away. The funeral was last Thursday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 100

DINOSAURS!!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to cook an extra healthy, vegetable filled meal for my boyfriend and I. Not only did we notice the vegetables were off a little too late, but he also found my hair in his bowl. We had to settle for turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti loops instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 917

By Volcan - 01/06/2017 17:42 - France - Paris

Today, I was on my period and I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. I told him upfront and he responded simply, “I work in a butcher shop, I’m used to having blood everywhere.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 1 866

Stormy weather

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United Stated - Portland

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 269

Rage against the wrong machine

By shit happens??? - 21/05/2022 00:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend who’s rage quit multiple games, screamed cuss words for hitting too many red lights, and broke his new phone when a legendary Pokémon escaped after a raid in Pokémon Go, told me I was too dramatic. Sorry for being depressed that my biopsy results weren’t good. Shit happens, huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 163

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 08/01/2019 04:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 4 654

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 579

We're the main characters

By GymHunky - 03/11/2021 11:00

Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 160

Freeloadin' freewheelin'

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 04:00

Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 95

Bummer

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 02:03 - United States - Steele

Today, I learned from my dad that I'm astoundingly similar to my uncle, whom I never met. It was pretty cool to learn more about him, until my dad he told me that the reason he died so young is because he committed suicide. I've been suffering from severe depression since I was fourteen. Foreshadowing? I hope not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 131

This is fine

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 10:49

Today, I envy all the mothers who get to hide in their bathroom, engulfed in tears, when at their breaking points. I'm a single mom of two heathens. Today, like most days, really I had to threaten violence at the top of my lungs so they would stop fighting long enough for me to simply use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 520