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The all-time greatest FMLs

Thanks Rufo…

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom is planning on going to my high school's board meeting to complain about her latest boogeyman, Critical Race Theory, being taught. I graduated 17 years ago. She doesn't really know what it is, either. I really wish she could get over her bonkers Facebook groups addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 267

Great parenting

By Shawn Kotris - 17/06/2021 11:01

Today, my kids' mother, who has been absent and living in a different state for over 12 years, sent a children services worker to my house with a long list of allegations, even though she's 25k behind in support, rather than try to build a normal relationship with her kids in any kind of healthy way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 77

Facebook Science

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 05:01 - United States - Waldwick

Today, I was going to hang out with my crush and tell him how I felt, but he cancelled because I had COVID 5 months ago and his mom is afraid I’m contagious. I’m safer to hang out with because I now have antibodies and can’t transmit it. I’ve also had 4 negative tests since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 167

The past that suits you best

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 08:03 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I found out that sorting and deleting old unnecessary emails to free up space meant reliving the most horrific memories I've ever experienced. Worse yet, I have to keep certain old messages in case these things ever come up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 139

Not ready for this

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I learned, 9 years after the death of my last intimate partner who'd moved away, that I have a 10 year-old child, and after the kid's grandpa died I was listed as a relative. Now I have a 10 year-old on my shoulders. DNA confirmed it was mine, and I never was told. Getting drunk before I take the kid in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 436

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 235

Niles Crane wannabe

By that’s crazy - 13/02/2023 02:00 - United States

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 119

Where to start?

By doggone - 24/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 137

Parental guilt

By low_expectations - 18/10/2020 08:08 - United States - New York

Today, my mother tried guilt-tripping me about coming home for the holidays by explaining that, “according to average life expectancy,” she and my father could be dead in the next 10-25 years. I’m already coming home for the holidays. She knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 101

All too common

By Anonymous - 16/07/2022 10:00

Today, I got divorced. In a 4 minute 40 second phone call with the judge, which ended with him saying, "Congratulations!" I didn't want this. I just didn't see the point in fighting to stay in a marriage that my ex didn't want. Now my underlying depression is worse, and I have to fake it for the sake of our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 201

Thief!

By mystery - 19/09/2021 05:00

Today, my mom blocked me on everything, kicked me out of her house, and declared that I'm "dead to her." Why? She ordered a package, but it never came. I’m still trying to process how that could possibly be my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 77

Emergency cooking

By YoshiSqu4d - 31/07/2020 20:01

Today, I managed to set off the smoke detectors while cooking burgers. The cops and fire department showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 374

Great prank ideas #47

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 23:01 - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 206

Suspicious Minds

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 20:08

Today, I found out that my parents have always believed that every single time I have ever showed emotion, I was faking it and that I'm actually a sociopath with no feelings. I was kicked out of the theater department at my college for my poor acting skills, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 126

Sorry doggo

By good riddance - 29/05/2022 16:00

Today, my girlfriend flipped out and dumped me. According to her, not stopping for a dog in the road makes me a sociopath and unsuitable for a relationship. Yes, because slamming on my brakes or swerving into the next lane while doing 75 on the highway and causing a wreck made so much more sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 826

A cautionary tale

By Anonymous - 17/12/2022 09:00 - Canada - Exeter

Today, my parents still think they can control me. I’m 27, married, and have a son. Even after all the abuse and trauma over the years, they still think that everything is fine. That they did their “best”. Why do they think this is right, and think they should have any right to my son or even see him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 157

TW: Gross

By mpfrost153 - 01/11/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 133

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 16:01

Today, we have a double driveway, but after my wife left, someone parked in my wife’s spot, presumably to avoid the public car park fee a few streets away. I called a tow company and very specifically asked them to tow the intruding red car, but they towed my black work truck instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 139

Lemon law

By Jennij717 - 11/08/2022 10:00

Today, I moved several states to start a life with my boyfriend. It would've been nice to know he was cheating before buying a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 208

It's all Double Dutch to me

By MahmoudA - 26/02/2023 02:00

Today, I was asked to translate for a family in Arabic since I’m the only one in my office who speaks Arabic. Turns out the family is actually from Bangladesh. They speak Bengali. When I explained this to my coworker he replied, “But aren’t y’all Middle Easterns related or something?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 104

Weddings suck

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 17:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got dragged to a wedding where I knew no-one. It went on for hours, I got so hungry. We get to the meal, my wife had forgotten to order a vegetarian meal for me. I couldn't eat the main meal, due to allergies and no alternative. I then spent two more hours just waiting to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 318

Communication Breakdown

By rosie - 08/03/2021 13:59

Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 78

Can't choose

By Blackmailed - 21/09/2021 17:00

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was cool, until I found out that the HR recruiter was my mother-in-law. She told me that the work was mine if I break up with her daughter. I have until the next Wednesday to think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 110

Nintendon't

By Momfail - 27/02/2022 06:00

Today, I had my son do some chores around the house. I was fairly proud of him for doing it himself, until he told me he accidentally washed his Nintendo in his sheets, and now it doesn’t work. I can’t afford a new one and he now refuses to do chores because, “I did and look what happened!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 231

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 116

Your name's not down, you're not coming in

By LieutenantDimwit - 12/12/2021 08:01 - Jordan

Today, after I was invited to a party a few days ago, I was removed from the group as the “maximum was 35”, but the host promised me to add me back if there was space left. I was just informed by my other friend that there’s now 60 people in the group, and that the host simply didn’t want me to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 127

Got money to throw around? Get into real estate

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 02:00

Today, I found out the sole reason my son insisted on buying the house he did is because he was told on the grapevine that one of his new neighbours is a hot 20-something who never closes her curtains to undress at night. I raised a perverted idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 309

Ceasefire now!

By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 05:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to attend a telephone hearing with my landlord, regarding debt and other things. I spent two weeks getting my defence ready. I was prepared and had so much against him. He dropped all complaints but the debt. I had proof it should be reduced or reassessed. He still won and I can’t afford the payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 339

Extreme drying

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 05:00

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 851

Long term

By Anonymous - 18/01/2023 12:00

Today, I'm demisexual, meaning I don't feel comfortable having sex with anyone I don't have a deep emotional connection with. I dropped $300 on the birth control implant yesterday so I can have 'raw' sex with my first boyfriend in 4 years. I just got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 539

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The Top

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 944

You deserved it 61 477

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 646

You deserved it 90 960

Random

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 2 914

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 786

You deserved it 6 681

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 245

You deserved it 3 218

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 394

You deserved it 5 455

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 520

You deserved it 4 632

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 415

You deserved it 3 696