The Top

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MAKE IT STOP

By FML Approved - 12/07/2017 19:05 - France - Paris

Today, I got "Despacito" stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 356

By Username - 08/07/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 637

You deserved it 6 711

By sherrylynn - 19/04/2013 21:50 - United States - West Haven

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 856

You deserved it 3 846

By Anonymous - 06/09/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 648

You deserved it 3 686

By LindsayK - 09/04/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 482

You deserved it 5 146

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 213

Healthy lifestyle choice

By Rowaelin16 - 23/09/2016 03:31 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 841

You deserved it 1 619

By screwedupkid - 03/05/2012 17:45

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 551

You deserved it 4 957

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 315

By NaCl - 24/05/2014 21:20 - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 741

You deserved it 4 075

By dang. - 20/08/2019 06:03

Today, I figured out the bank account my mom set up for me is actually a joint account, and she gets half the money I deposit. I have been putting money in there for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 571

By madbirthdaymomma - 16/05/2014 03:15 - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 879

You deserved it 4 360

Um… you what now?

By intheairtonight - 25/04/2012 06:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 725

You deserved it 3 169

By devigsgirl - 26/08/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 859

You deserved it 5 970

By fretting - 08/09/2016 17:02 - United States - Fort White

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 109

You deserved it 1 763

Slay, queen!

By draggirl - 13/10/2009 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 593

You deserved it 4 362

Perv!

By Thithien1 - 01/04/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 933

You deserved it 12 682

By Fartfail - 18/04/2012 13:43 - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 818

You deserved it 6 785

That's awkward

By Dannotmann - 04/05/2021 22:01

Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 3 540

You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 121

You deserved it 68 710

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 27/03/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 465

You deserved it 6 444

By Kelleee - 30/09/2017 20:00

Today, I paid £200 for a car service to make sure everything was running okay. I got the all clear that everything was perfect and all necessary fluids topped up. I then wrote the car off 20 minutes later in an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 188

You deserved it 466

No kidding

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 945

You deserved it 10 875

By Anonymous - 04/06/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 186

You deserved it 42 454

Self report

By bluten - 18/03/2009 16:42 - Canada

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 836

You deserved it 31 033

Thanks, Mom

By Wounded_irony - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 227

You deserved it 723

Frozen

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 10:00

Today, I found out my 15 year-old daughter is sexually active. I found out by finding her in our bedroom with a boy from her class, using one of our condoms. Her dad hasn’t spoken or moved from the kitchen table in over 30 minutes. I think he’s so mad his brain glitched and got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 247

By Ihatemylife - 03/03/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 908

You deserved it 6 370

By emmaavk88 - 17/03/2014 12:15 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 579

You deserved it 9 753

emmaavk88 tells us more.

emmaavk88 18

Monday 17 March 2014 18:59

If that was true, double F my life! Luckily he isn't, I made sure of that -OP

By dangerZone - 27/02/2013 16:43 - United States - Statesboro

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 5 740

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 764

You deserved it 5 226

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 631

You deserved it 1 528

Today, my uncle stole my cousin's phone to take a picture of me. He then sent said picture to my cousin's boyfriend, saying that she'd been cheating on him with me for over a year. He's been cheated on before and is hysterical. My uncle then had the nerve to act all defensive when my cousin and I exploded at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 85

Today, the family member who molested me for several years as a kid, works as a social worker in the same building where I’m treated for the unresolved trauma they caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 104

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 640

You deserved it 4 328

Today, a guy told me I "kind of look like a girl" if he looked at me from the right angle. Well, I am a girl, and this is the closest thing to a compliment that I've gotten in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 259

You deserved it 3 446