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Thanks, I guess…

By omfgmaya - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend took me to his place to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 100

You deserved it 4 046

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 03:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Spicy

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 422

Thanks for the help

By PineapplePizza - 15/08/2016 07:41 - United States - Irwin

Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 878

You deserved it 1 405

By potatoebee - 03/04/2012 18:19 - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 738

You deserved it 27 261

By meyo555 - 02/06/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 305

You deserved it 4 790

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 04:00

Today, three days before their rent was due, my fiancé's friends moved out of our basement without saying a word to us. On their way out, they took an envelope from my locked desk with $800 in it that was for our wedding in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 314

You deserved it 319

By M3DO - 03/08/2016 01:04

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 816

You deserved it 814

Smoke signals

By rejected - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 15/03/2014 22:05 - United States - Littleton

Spicy

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 662

You deserved it 5 205

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 15:47 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 17 046

Does she really love me?

By fml9124 - 07/11/2019 20:00

Today, my wife and I watch the Chargers play the Packers. Philip Rivers is the Chargers quarterback. Out of the blue, my wife says "Philip is a stupid name." My middle name is Philip. We have been married 32 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 318

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 20:58 - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 063

You deserved it 3 850

Multitasking

By misc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 769

You deserved it 3 561

Good boy

By TrainedBF - 12/09/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied, "They worked on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 752

You deserved it 47 135

Drink up

By ugh!! - 27/02/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my bed I felt I was too drunk to get up and throw up in the bathroom so I decided to just do it on my floor and clean it up later. Later on I woke up and realized I threw up on my $1000 laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 228 577

Foot in mouth syndrome

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 221

You deserved it 40 787

News from China

By HkxAliso0302 - 03/03/2020 22:00 - China - Beijing

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 21/01/2013 12:48 - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 379

You deserved it 4 422

BIKES?!

By David - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it might be good the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handlebar. The handlebar came off and I fell down onto the crossbar, busting my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 848

You deserved it 10 360

By Anonymous - 15/06/2019 06:43

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 792

Drama abounds

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 235

By VampObsessed - 05/01/2013 05:30 - United States - Dallas

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 195

You deserved it 8 743

VampObsessed tells us more.

VampObsessed 16

Wednesday 13 March 2013 9:14

OP here. My key only works on the front lock so I couldn't use any other doors and our windows don't operate to allow anyone in. I had to call my boyfriend to come over and move it for me so I could get in. Recently the spare bedroom I workout in has been overtaken by gnomes and I've opened my bedroom door to a gnome in the hallway. He even put it in the shower. This is not a good way to help me get past my phobia.

Well?

By Johntheladdo - 29/03/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 430

You deserved it 10 542

By anonymous - 08/03/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 672

You deserved it 4 983

By mrteacher - 21/08/2009 22:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 240

You deserved it 47 307

Anonymity

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Westfield

Today, I got my grades back. I got a very poor evaluation for my lit class, which was odd because it didn't match the impression from my end-of-class meeting with the professor. It does, however, include a nod to the supposedly-anonymous negative class review I gave her, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 175

You deserved it 1 688

Not now!

By fml9124 - 25/04/2020 20:00

Today, the best manager I've ever had told me she was leaving to take a job at another company. I just found out my new manager is a guy that has destroyed three different departments in three years. He's the owner's nephew or something. I do not want to be looking for a new job during the Covid-19 pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 22:49 - United States

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 279

You deserved it 5 387

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 542

You deserved it 39 471

The biggest lie

By dumb - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 965

You deserved it 4 696

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 786

You deserved it 4 167

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 782

You deserved it 2 719

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 871

You deserved it 6 457

Today, a woman came through my drive-thru and ordered a latte, but the bank had closed off her cards and she was short 30 cents in cash. I felt bad, so I paid for her. When I went home, I told my dad what I did, thinking he'd be proud of how he raised me but no, he said I'd wasted my money, and made me feel bad about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 135

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 814

You deserved it 9 777

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 5 039