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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 333

You deserved it 29 281

By AlyCo55 - 22/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out two of my rats are pregnant. The breeder told us that all of them were male, only one ended up being male. I now have 20+ rat babies on the way and no idea how to take care of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 805

You deserved it 724

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 12:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 488

You deserved it 9 338

By anon - 01/02/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 826

You deserved it 1 710

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 286

You deserved it 5 407

My eyes are up here

By LonelyCashier - 11/07/2019 20:00

Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 221

Pay attention

By That_Indian_Guy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oviedo

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 294

You deserved it 9 730

By ...... - 08/10/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 3 776

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 28/12/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 444

You deserved it 5 523

By sluttydancer - 10/06/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 269

You deserved it 61 963

Get off my hood

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 23:00 - United States - Kennett Square

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 493

You deserved it 1 278

By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 15:03 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 826

You deserved it 1 596

By shibs - 19/12/2015 14:30 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 319

You deserved it 1 857

Stay out of it

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 363

You deserved it 54 910

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 006

You deserved it 2 510

By Sam - 09/03/2019 14:00

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend at the mall at Victoria's Secret. We got separated, after which I saw 3 of my students. I teach middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 265

You deserved it 290

By Anonymous - 12/03/2019 20:00

Today, my friend was complaining about how she did not like Mexican food. Confused, I asked her whether she had even had Mexican food, to which she replied, “Yeah, I mean I’ve had Taco Bell.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 267

By tabbycacti - 30/11/2015 13:06 - Australia

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 983

You deserved it 1 797

By Anonymous - 07/09/2011 23:02 - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 094

You deserved it 4 467

Creeped out of here

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 05:25 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 027

You deserved it 1 974

By Kate - 05/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Exton

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 427

By Audrey - 04/12/2014 10:02 - Germany

Today, I’m eight months pregnant. My six-year-old son told me: "Mom, the baby farted in your belly". Why would he think that? "Well, because the smell comes out of your mouth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 155

By Ava - 27/04/2019 12:00

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 262

Truth

By why - 04/11/2015 01:13 - United States

Today, it's easier to buy a house than it is to get out of a gym contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 863

You deserved it 2 187

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 316

You deserved it 212

Long day

By Tom - 26/04/2017 18:00

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 724

You deserved it 1 507

By Danielle22291 - 29/04/2017 17:27 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 914

You deserved it 480

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 04:00

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 227

By Yousaidyouweremoving - 11/12/2016 16:23 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 390

You deserved it 764

Saucy

By donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 278

You deserved it 9 079

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The Top

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 674

You deserved it 23 697

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 100

You deserved it 1 137

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 800

You deserved it 6 531

Today, at my job as a hotel housekeeper, I accidentally entered the room of someone who hadn't left yet. To my horror, the man inside was having a massive heart attack. I just found out he passed away, despite immediate medical intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 94

Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 147

Today, I confirmed just how excluded I am by my very few friends. My messages in the group chat were completely ignored, yet another person was answered by multiple people within minutes. At least solitude can't let me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 120