The Top

Unfortunately, seeing them was inevitable. I'm trying not to get involved, but needless to say, it's difficult. Apparently, my mother is going to tell my step-dad, but she's a liar sometimes. One step at a time, I suppose.

Comedy gold

By Landdownunder - 05/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me and decided it'd be funny to blow raspberries in my crotch. He literally thought it was the funniest thing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 349

By cjw - 06/03/2013 00:07 - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 612

You deserved it 4 327

By cjd - 23/03/2012 14:23 - Canada - Montreal

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 477

You deserved it 4 826

By ENDmySUFFERING - 21/07/2016 15:25 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room only to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 282

You deserved it 1 299

By Grosssss - 15/07/2016 16:08 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 150

You deserved it 1 284

Mr Burns

By ScarletBuckeye - 09/07/2016 16:38

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes, so I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes… but at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 512

You deserved it 5 022

But he's only 5

By Anonymous - 18/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 741

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 187

You deserved it 14 908

Traitor

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 340

You deserved it 1 405

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/01/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 206

You deserved it 7 702

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:26 - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 801

You deserved it 23 785

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 826

You deserved it 3 422

By Jayde - 04/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 262

You deserved it 5 604

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 22:31 - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 168

You deserved it 4 718

By LucyLollipop - 16/05/2016 19:16 - United States - Davis

Today, my obnoxious roommate who always blasts crappy music day in and day out as loud as he can has reached an all time low. He has now started blasting Christmas music. It's May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 061

You deserved it 1 783

LucyLollipop tells us more.

LucyLollipop 22

Tuesday 17 May 2016 6:26

Hey guys! OP here, thought I'd add to the fun. So, I live in a dorm-like building. I rent a room and share the kitchen, bathroom, living area, etc. It sucks, but it's affordable and it's what I've got till my car is reliable enough to move farther from my work. This place is off campus though, so the people who live here are more druggies, welfare recipients, and some really weird people, with a couple normal ones in the mix. Also, the walls are paper thin. The neighbor/roommate in question is a 46 year old, toothless guy with no job except for prospecting in the local rivers and streams occasionally. He always keeps his door open, yawns and burps louder than anyone needs to, and plays a lot of music. Including but not limited to "My Heart Will Go On," and the Chippettes' rendition of "Let It Go." Those songs. Every day. Multiple times a day. So I guess I can be grateful he was blasting "All I Want for Christmas is You" instead of the usual, but still. He also likes to watch hentai with the door wide open and the volume up. I honestly don't mind Christmas music when it's Christmas! Except I've been working retail so it's grinding on my nerves more now. Oh well. Thanks for all the sympathy! I loved reading all the comments, they've made my lunch break a little more interesting.