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By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 111

You deserved it 1 914

By Anonymous - 10/09/2015 01:15 - United States - Mountain View

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 2 621

Wham!

By Omar Khalaf - 28/09/2017 01:30

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 138

You deserved it 424

By LoveStinks - 18/08/2016 10:56

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 247

You deserved it 2 592

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 292

You deserved it 494

Happy 4th of July

By Bacon0426 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 094

You deserved it 1 216

By insert pussy pun, hurr durr - 29/06/2016 17:34 - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 334

You deserved it 1 159

By Stupid - 01/03/2018 15:00

Today, I found out my son has been lying about being sick. He kept complaining so I took him to the doctor and got him some medicine. Now he’s actually sick because he took meds he didn’t even need. He did it solely so he could get an expensive get well soon gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 029

You deserved it 877

By Anonymous - 08/05/2016 10:38 - United States - Nashville

Today, I've been single for so long, I got butterflies when I went on a date. A date with a character in Grand Theft Auto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 170

You deserved it 2 670

Harsh grading

By marray - 23/07/2018 12:46 - United States - Aurora

Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 996

You deserved it 662

By Whoops... - 02/09/2018 14:30

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I unexpectedly shat myself at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 803

You deserved it 310

3spooky5me

By Anonymous - 10/09/2018 13:00

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 238

Time is a flat circle

By Off to Canada - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 059

You deserved it 2 464

By fifi125 - 24/12/2016 04:01 - Australia

Today, I spent a while in a tree after fleeing a rampaging Blue Tongue lizard, only to be chased back out of it by an angry possum. Australian wildlife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 260

You deserved it 1 007

fifi125 tells us more.

fifi125 21

Saturday 31 December 2016 0:32

Hey guys, just a lil bit of clarification. I was holding onto the tree to get a good look at the blue tongue (which was over half a metre long). We're not normally afraid of her, she's come into our house (which I'll put a picture of in my profile). It's just that that day I was too near her hidey hole so she chased me. I was in the tree havin a little stare-down with her when I must have moved a little too high up because this possum comes out of no where right up into my face. Scared the shit out of me so I ****** legged it inside. I'm also 16 so I don't have a heap of options about where I live lol

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 04:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 338

You deserved it 3 791

Freud smiled

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 473

You deserved it 4 096

By ArtistBlock - 25/11/2016 05:10

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 473

You deserved it 6 219

By Face fucking palm - 23/07/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 292

You deserved it 13 444

By Anonymous - 05/06/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 347

By rhcp007 - 13/06/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, I went to drop my little brother off at the nursery. As I walked in, a boy punched me in the dick and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 426

You deserved it 291

By ItWasOurAnniversary - 28/09/2016 12:08 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 437

You deserved it 2 508

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 902

You deserved it 1 819

By stupidstepsister - 12/10/2017 05:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I had to try to explain to my stepsister that it's inappropriate to ask to borrow my mother's wheelchair to dress up 'like a cripple' on Halloween. When I told her my mother would need the chair on Halloween anyway, she suggested we just carry her around for the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 231

By ouchy - 29/11/2017 19:30 - Australia

Today, at work, a mosquito landed on my brand new tattoo. Without thinking, I slapped it. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 384

You deserved it 1 491

Use morse code

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OB-GYN's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 734

You deserved it 831

Better safe than doggy

By poongoon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, while at the supermarket, I came back to one of my car windows smashed in. Apparently, the stuffed animal my son left in the back seat looks like a dehydrated dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 801

You deserved it 927

Friday, baby!

By jack - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - France - Ajaccio

Today, I tried inviting the girl I like out to dinner. She replied, "Sorry, I already have plans." I asked her what they were, and she said, "I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 682

You deserved it 2 423

By anonymous - 14/06/2016 16:47 - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 342

You deserved it 1 220

By Anonymous - 31/03/2018 15:00

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 257

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 957

You deserved it 504

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Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 198

You deserved it 3 354

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 882

You deserved it 3 522

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 817

You deserved it 2 381

Today, I had a panic attack at 2 a.m. because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 579

You deserved it 6 720

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 493

You deserved it 6 257

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 353