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By Anonymous - 18/09/2018 22:10

Today, my fancy rubber phone case did its job and saved my phone from damage when I dropped it on the bathroom counter. Unfortunately, it was rather useless after the massive bounce it took before landing in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 573

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 11/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 221

By Confusedfiance - 16/10/2018 05:00

Today, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying she found my fiancé's tinder profile. I told her there was no way it was true. It actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 3 557

Secret sex

By anonymous - 01/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 461

By Xandriajoy10 - 04/01/2016 05:21 - Australia

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 413

You deserved it 1 944

By highfive - 17/10/2014 01:27 - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 365

You deserved it 7 140

Dr. Dick

By Peter - 11/05/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 312

You deserved it 349

Mario Kart is serious business

By Anonymous - 25/08/2014 05:44 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 873

You deserved it 8 611

By Uggghhh - 09/05/2017 02:00

Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 279

You deserved it 1 790

By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 06:39 - Canada - Victoria

Spicy

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 224

You deserved it 1 882

By Damn - 06/12/2016 20:12

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 2 048

By unefoispasdeux - 04/07/2017 21:00 - France - Paris

Today, I went out to a club with a friend who got her wallet stolen. Wanting to help her look for it, I left my purse with a different friend while I went back inside to look. She put my purse on the floor and it got stolen as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 405

You deserved it 1 902

By scoobysnarks - 24/09/2015 11:49 - United States - Raleigh

Spicy

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 3 304

scoobysnarks tells us more.

scoobysnarks 15

Friday 25 September 2015 5:43

OP here. Look, there are LOTS of choices I *could* make, many of which have been offered here. There's nothing inherently wrong in a lot of the suggestions - they're just not suggestions I'm interested in following, honestly. I love my wife. I don't love anyone else; finding another outlet or a replacement for my beloved just isn't something I'm interested in. It's not that she's unsympathetic, necessarily, as much as it's just not something she can do or address; she has her own issues, and they're a big deal to both of us. I can't talk to her about it, because of her issues - it's just too much pressure on her, and I'm not willing to put that on her. I'd far rather bear the burden of my own problems than put them on her. Thanks for the empathy and comments.

By thedeadone - 15/07/2019 00:01

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 220

By nosleep - 30/06/2017 16:46

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 606

You deserved it 295

By Jules - 31/07/2017 05:00

Today, I bought a new cannister and it came with a label that said "Cookies" so I carefully scanned and photoshopped it to say "Coffee". Then I opened the cannister to find 11 double-sided bilingual labels -- including "Coffee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 2 599

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 17:02

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 991

You deserved it 2 171

Risky comeback

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 487

You deserved it 127 697

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 097

You deserved it 499

By castironstomach - 03/10/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 784

You deserved it 392

By Talented73 - 20/07/2016 02:54 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went to a local Asian restaurant where this adorable Japanese girl works as a server. We had formed a friendship and I was hoping for something more, but I decided to play "hard-to-get" for the last couple of weeks. When I went there today, the place was closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 901

You deserved it 14 904

By ThanksMom - 08/07/2016 07:54 - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 582

You deserved it 1 325

By Pouponette - 16/06/2016 11:07 - France

Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 140

You deserved it 1 720

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 756

You deserved it 200

Meep Meep

By MeepMeep - 08/04/2018 01:30

Today, I had to do a Google Image search to prove to my 32-year-old husband that road runners are real animals, and not just made up for Looney Toons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 768

You deserved it 468

By welp - 22/05/2016 20:22 - United States - Roswell

Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 099

You deserved it 1 180

In the words of Shaggy...

By WasntMe - 28/05/2018 20:30

Today, my husband went through my phone and computer, accusing me of cheating. Baffled and hurt by the untrue accusation, I asked what he found that made him think that. He replied, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Apparently, no evidence IS evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 051

You deserved it 247

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 869

You deserved it 269

By WeighYourWords - 03/05/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 418

You deserved it 1 945

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Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 283

You deserved it 3 021

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 137

You deserved it 4 336

Today, after receiving a negative herpes test four months ago, my doctor called me and told me it was a false negative and I’ve been living with herpes for four months. I then had to tell everyone I’ve slept with about it, and worst of all my new boyfriend broke up with me. All in one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 602

Today, I was bitched out at 2 a.m. by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 059

You deserved it 3 993

Today, it's Thanksgiving and I've spent the last few days imploring my husband not to antagonize my Trump-loving family by talking about the fact that they didn't look into what tariffs were at the time, and now they might have to close their business. Wish me luck… FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 272

Today, I was at a Baskin Robbins, and because of COVID, I don’t take any coin change. The cashier handed me $1 and a cent. I said, “Keep the penny.” That basically meant, “You're worth a penny”. She gave me the stink eye as I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 1 004