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By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 07:12 - United States - Anchorage

Spicy

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 938

You deserved it 5 181

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 756

You deserved it 2 832

By leahkasscar - 03/05/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to clean the whole house as a surprise for my mother. When she came home, she screamed at me and called me a bitch because she had wanted to clean it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 085

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 736

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 308

By cloudish - 21/05/2017 12:00 - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 096

You deserved it 643

By kill the audience - 10/11/2016 17:51 - United States - Lewes

Today, I was sitting in the restaurant waiting for my blind date to come. I had sat for an hour until I finally got fed up and went to leave when at the same time the guy at the table next to me stood up to leave too. I noticed he had been sitting alone. Turns out he was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 482

You deserved it 2 025

Card problem

By BureaucraticLimbo - 01/01/2020 14:00

Today, I was told I can't renew my Identity Card without a Social Security Card, and I can't get a replacement Social Security Card without an Identity Card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 445

You deserved it 526

No, not now!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Estonia - Tartu

Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 815

You deserved it 1 051

Wild Child

By epic flash - 02/10/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty described her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 113

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 22/02/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 1 567

By Jes - 28/06/2016 00:44

Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 965

You deserved it 1 130

Fashion police

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 21:15 - Finland - Kouvola

Today, I was in a clothing store with my girlfriend. I saw the ugliest hat ever on a hat shelf, tried it on and said to my girlfriend, "Look at this ugly hat, it's absolutely horrible. It's even dirty." An old woman stood next to me said, "Well no wonder it's ugly, it's mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 579

You deserved it 6 064

(That's 77° in Freedom Units)

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 20:30

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 370

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 19:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 370

You deserved it 4 002

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 03:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 120

You deserved it 700

By anon - 31/01/2016 21:38 - United States

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 728

You deserved it 2 074

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 12:30

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 654

You deserved it 495

By jjoker - 30/12/2018 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 324

You deserved it 970

By Ouch - 06/03/2017 22:00 - United States - Amelia

Today, I found out that unlike in movies, you really don't know you're shot until you see the gunshot wound. Then, once the adrenaline wears off, it's complete agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 071

You deserved it 443

By quinndulgent - 29/11/2015 21:10 - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12-page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 317

You deserved it 1 977

The struggle is real

By nitemastr15 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Worth

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 060

You deserved it 14 786

nitemastr15 tells us more.

nitemastr15 17

Tuesday 30 August 2016 6:06

Ok guys, OP here. Just to clarify, me and my brother each decided that I would get the PS4 and he would get the X-box One. He didn't have the money for his when I had the money for mine and he was really bummed out so I decided I was going to buy the console he wanted with my money and wait for my PS4. Fortunately though, he received an X-box One from his girlfriend the next day so it's actually a good thing I didn't end up being able to get one.

By MJB - 02/04/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 067

You deserved it 415

By Emliy - 01/08/2014 05:06 - United States - Malta

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 621

You deserved it 9 021

Emliy tells us more.

Emliy 2

Friday 1 August 2014 17:20

Hey guys, I'm the OP. To clear a few things up, he didn't exactly ruin the wedding. He and I have always been able to joke back and forth, and quoting shows in fitting situations is almost like a contest to us, to see who can quote a show or movie that matches the situation the fastest and the best. Before the wedding, I was winning at this game, and he saw our wedding as the PERFECT opportunity to take the lead. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't visibly shaking and feeling like I was about the puke throughout the whole ceremony. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart and knew it was the right decision to marry him, but I was still a bundle of nerves. So when he said "Rachel," I immediately burst into tears, because my immediate thought was he was either cheating on me or in love with someone else (I knew the Friends quote, but when you're that invested in what's happening around you, your first thought isn't exactly going to be Ross Geller). So I guess I technically ruined the wedding a little more than him with my horrible sobbing that wouldn't stop even after I had forgiven him... After I calmed down, we went through with the rest of the ceremony. No slaps across the face, no leaving at the altar. We've been together since 8th grade, so I wasn't about to leave him after over 12 years of nothing but love and care.

HELP!

By Professional - 29/05/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 4 079

By Anonymous - 24/07/2017 07:00 - United States - Warren

Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 294

You deserved it 653

By Jinx - 21/08/2017 22:15 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 427

You deserved it 254

Date grape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 255

Alcohol ain't no joke

By WellPlayedMother - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 725

You deserved it 1 079

By okaythen - 14/08/2016 19:21 - United States - Euless

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 434

You deserved it 5 026

FML on Facebook

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The Top

The Top

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 583

You deserved it 2 632

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 4 601

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 533

You deserved it 6 183

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 429

You deserved it 3 222

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a Chinese restaurant, only to get nervous, and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 603

You deserved it 7 665

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 913

You deserved it 2 556