The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 1 914

By mcsicky - 28/04/2017 09:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling ill when I woke up. While on the bus to work, I threw up into a plastic cup. I had to sit for half an hour holding an open, very full, warm cup of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 768

You deserved it 577

siggy_mcsigx tells us more.

siggy_mcsigx 22

Monday 24 April 2017 12:20

It was a coach bus and I was sitting at the back, meaning I would have had to walk up an aisle of eyes and stand up there waiting for the driver to find a suitable place (not easy on irish country roads). Thanks tho :)

Nice to put a face to the screaming!

By dormlyfe - 24/09/2015 02:23 - United States - Moraga

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 044

You deserved it 22 942

Average ICE agent

By Anonymous - 14/08/2017 13:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 383

You deserved it 1 498

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:48 - United Kingdom - Glenrothes

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 185

You deserved it 2 584

By tool - 09/04/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 912

You deserved it 143 229

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 694

You deserved it 8 178

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 516

You deserved it 1 005

Yuck.

By bdsam - 23/01/2018 06:00

Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 418

You deserved it 1 266

Panic!

By not amused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Cork

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 342

You deserved it 1 520

By Batman - 09/09/2018 23:30

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 667

Enjoyed yourself I see

By Anonameow - 15/03/2016 18:42 - United States - Freeland

Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 779

You deserved it 1 637

I should?

By potatoehead178 - 28/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Fairfield

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 420

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend proudly showed me that he's put me in his favourites contact list on his phone with a heart image. Cute, but I saw another contact on the list with a heart image as well: his favourite take out restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 748

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 791

You deserved it 2 333

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 19:53 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 112

You deserved it 31 390

By OhDearGodGrandad - 07/02/2016 17:59 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 837

You deserved it 2 144

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 10:00

Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 099

You deserved it 15 252

By stupid - 24/12/2018 18:00

Today, after turning in a paper that I worked really hard on, I got it back with a grade of 0. In the feedback section, my professor wrote: “In all my 37 years of teaching, this is by far the worst essay I have ever read.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 706

By Ohshit - 17/05/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 421

You deserved it 92 842

By Ana - 25/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I called in my parents to look at pictures from my recent trip on my laptop. It wasn’t until after they left that I realized I had left a tab open with the title “20 Things You’ll Understand if You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 295

You deserved it 2 594

By patate - 02/05/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 831

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 02:00

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 542

You deserved it 403

Eat the rich

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 01/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 843

You deserved it 444

By Bear - 10/07/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 766

You deserved it 384

Running on empty

By Dehydrated - 01/09/2015 11:07 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "Five more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 590

You deserved it 2 775

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 08:50 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 011

You deserved it 1 978

By broken - 23/09/2016 01:52 - United States - Arcata

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 082

You deserved it 1 100

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 07:00 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 770

You deserved it 390

By Thay - 01/09/2016 22:28 - United States

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 946

You deserved it 1 673

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my apartment neighbors just had a baby, meaning the only place I can have my morning Teams meetings when I'm not at the office is at my parents' house. Mid-meeting, as I was giving my report, my dad came up the hall, loudly dropping strings of curses. Even though I tried to mute my mic, my boss heard enough; hello, reprimand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 131

Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 48

This is why man won't take off the jacket!

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 287

Today, I listened through the wall while my boss had phone sex with his side piece. His wife works down the hall from us, she's the worst, so I have no ethical issues with explaining to her that he "has an appointment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 375

Today, I stopped watching porn at 6 a.m. to Google if depression makes you not able to cum. I was masturbating because I can't sleep. Insomnia is also a sign of depression. There's no joy at night anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 250

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 271

You deserved it 5 526