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Homemaker

By Anonymous - 22/01/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Loughborough

Today, my daughter found a bag of googly eyes I'd bought for a craft project I'd completely forgot about. She spent the day sticking them on random objects around the house. I now have a microwave that looks like it’s judging me for using it too much instead of actually cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 382

Humblebrag from Hell

By Anonymous - 03/09/2026 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Spicy

Today, a mutual friend of mine told me that I could do much better than my girlfriend. I ended up asking her who would want to date me. The next thing I know, she was all over me. Needless to say it didn’t take much for her to tempt me and we ended up screwing like rabbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 244

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 20:49 - United States

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 858

You deserved it 17 258

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 874

You deserved it 4 439

ASAP

By failedexam - 06/11/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 819

You deserved it 6 173

Little Man Syndrome

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 02:00

Today, my boyfriend suffers from Little Man Syndrome and I’m thinking of dumping him, because last night was the seventh time in a year I had to pick him up from hospital after he deliberately picked a fight with a guy bigger than himself and got knocked out. Now he has black eyes and no front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 193

By thankspops - 29/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 3 343

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 833

You deserved it 5 592

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 14:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 721

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 209

You deserved it 11 478

The Voice

By legit247 - 10/05/2013 04:44 - United States - Moscow Mills

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 802

You deserved it 9 471

By whinywiper - 25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 513

You deserved it 3 812

Damn Luke

By So not a Luke - 11/03/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 135

Controlling

By Anonymous - 04/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Stevenson

Today, my mom took my phone away because of a huge mistake I made, which we need to go to court for. I own the actual phone but they pay for the line. I'm autistic with severe anxiety. I'm also 34 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 673

By whoops - 29/06/2014 20:37 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 340

You deserved it 60 970

By ZPyRoGoDz - 02/11/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 468

You deserved it 3 155

It's all too much

By twistedelegance - 19/07/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 178

Abalaschabalamanama

By help meeeee - 14/03/2021 17:01

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 15:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 332

You deserved it 8 704

Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 1 038

Cheers, asshat

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 402

You deserved it 5 047

Charmer

By anonymous - 19/09/2010 00:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 527

You deserved it 9 190

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 18:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 183

You deserved it 5 519

Friends indeed

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 05:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my best friend of 18 years decided she'd rather continue sleeping with her brother-in-law/my ex fiance against her husband's wishes, than continue our friendship. All I asked is that she back away from him before she ruined her marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 183

KittyT tells us more.

KittyT 13

Sunday 10 September 2023 15:53

the marriage will be ruined when everyone else realises she is a *****, the husband is standing beside her despite being broken that she wants his brother... the friendship is ending both because she knows what my ex did to me and because she kept trying to force me to hang out with them so they could hook up as well as her trying to hook up with any of my guy friends. not to mention getting mad at me for refusing to lie to everyone who asked if they were hooking up and if that's what ended our relationship... it's only part of it, I certainly didn't enjoy seeing the man I was going to marry try **** my best friend, in my bed... with me in it while we were supposed to be watching a movie... all cause at my house she could do what she wanted out of her husband's view.

By LadySteph12 - 29/10/2009 00:53 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 420

You deserved it 3 345

Get on with it

By InnocenceBlue - 31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 357

Addiction under any name

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy on our third date. We'd just finished having sex and he was blatantly on Tinder right next to me in bed. I literally hadn’t moved yet and he still had a wet boner, and yet he was on Tinder looking for his next hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 16:35 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 297

You deserved it 4 124

The gift

By bubblensuds1 - 28/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 835

You deserved it 3 105

By grem - 13/04/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 698

You deserved it 69 560

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The Top

The Top

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 283

You deserved it 4 945

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 125

You deserved it 4 655

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 154

You deserved it 11 326

Today, I emptied the morning coffee grounds from the coffee maker so I could set it up for tomorrow morning. When I threw out the filter, something in the grounds caught my eye. It was a dead spider. It had brewed with my coffee that morning. I also happen to be severely arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 176

Today, I was chatting with my optician and it came up that eye colour is determined by parents eye colour, such as how blue and brown-eyed parents can’t make a green-eyed baby. My wife and I are blue and brown. Our 6 year-old has green eyes. I confronted her and she admitted she'd had an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 146

Today, a client came in and was struggling to speak properly. He said, “Sorry, no good English” so I offered a Spanish speaking colleague who could assist. He frowned and said he was from Greece. He threw a fit and got my manager involved. I got a write up and have to do an online sensitivity training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 292