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Thank you for the ever-wise insight, 64, as your input is always appreciated and never ******* annoying due to your Captain Obvious-esque remarks. She is indeed moving out, by the way.

DIY

By liver - 19/03/2012 00:51 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 3 604

By 42 - 07/07/2010 09:43 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 764

You deserved it 4 122

By lct722 - 16/03/2012 05:54 - Canada

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 23 256

Helter Skelter

By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 137

Full house

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 02:00 - United States - Washington

Today, using the money my mom gave me for my birthday, I bought a new laptop for school. When I went online to register for classes, I found that all the online classes were full and remaining classes didn't qualify for my major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 247

Easily distracted

By WelcomeWagon - 28/06/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 548

You deserved it 42 238

By unlucky - 19/09/2009 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 215

You deserved it 3 084

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 917

You deserved it 4 890

Photobomb masterclass

By club goer - 20/02/2013 19:48 - Canada

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 987

You deserved it 8 477

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 23:12 - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 203

You deserved it 8 721

Thanks for your service

By really - 19/02/2013 15:27 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 8 551

By mudafkrmas - 18/09/2009 04:14 - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 621

You deserved it 33 393

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 997

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 00:43 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 909

You deserved it 2 188

Thanks guys

By MCRxforever - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 216

You deserved it 3 710

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 04:03

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 5 156

Misunderstanding of the night

By milkybear - 15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 913

You deserved it 15 911

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 23/12/2023 15:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, after many years of being one of the best workers anywhere I worked, and being superhuman, I now have to accept that I may never be able to work full time again. Why? Because apparently I haven't been properly digesting food since I was 16 and I'm now 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 146

Teamwork

By Cheifs - 23/06/2025 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I joined a Zoom meeting and spent 10 minutes talking about my car issues to a group of strangers who were definitely not my usual team. I then realized I was in a webinar for bird enthusiasts who were too polite to interrupt me talking about transmissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 449

By scarlet - 09/05/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 924

You deserved it 3 420

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 6 817

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 340

You deserved it 7 446

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law berated me for not being pregnant yet, so I yelled at her that since she guilted us into letting her move into our house, she never goes out, our bedrooms share a wall, and she has the hearing of a bat, none of which helps me or my husband have any sexy time. It’s been 4 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 220

Small talk is hell

By thisismyawkwardface - 19/02/2014 07:17 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 473

You deserved it 12 123

By stuff2710 - 05/03/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 432

You deserved it 48 099

By H05T1L3 - 04/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 947

You deserved it 37 234

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The Top

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 821

You deserved it 20 743

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 014

You deserved it 5 760

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 544

You deserved it 39 480

Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 123

Today, after spending weeks dealing with my 4 year-old's chronic and acute otitis, it's my 20 month-old daughter who has now got it. Its like that every damn year. Oh, and I just got bilateral otitis myself now and need antibiotics. I almost regret having children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 239

Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 639