Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
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Top comments
llaawwll 0
At least he didn't have a gun pointed at your face or something.
manoverboard 0
Oh, the joys of drinking.
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Comments (114)
Ree_rel 0
ha! How'd your ex feel about that?!
fucklifeee 0
Haha ouch, that's awkward.
soninlaw2be 0
hate to say it, but thats what you get for getting wayyyy to drunk.
Fisheyy 0
YDI for getting too drunk D:
alex_vik 0
There's no way you don't deserve this.
Monado 0
Score, you got drunk and got laid. Bravo, mate. You may have had a great odeal on your hands but with how the situation went, you really screwed up.
bysmuth 0
Anyone else think it's kind of sweet that this was filed under "love" instead of "intimacy"?
kawa_fml 0
aww, I didn't notice that, maybe getting drunk was a good idea in this one, if it gave him the courage to seek out someone he still cared about... seems like working it out with dad is the major FHL in this one, then.
JoeBentley 0
I have no sympathy or respect for people who drink to the point of blacking out and then either think its cool or who think its a valid excuse for their behavior.
missbucket 0
Nobody cares if you have sympathy for him so stfu.
buckfasthero 0
Make way for 'Captain Sensible' and his no-nonsense attitude towards being irresponsible once in a while. Do you have a cape? No, you're in a neighborhood watch scheme aren't you? I bet you tried out for the police but they turned you down. You vote Republican I bet. Do you also hate single moms on welfare? You think commies should be nuked, don't you?
FarSide 22
go FY. who are you to tell someone to stfu?? Were you his ex-gf?
FarSide 22
I would have shot your ass dead.
musu_fml 0
Why do you assume he's Republican? There's nothing to suggest that he's even American; there are more English-speakers outside of America than there are in America. That you assume this site is only an American hangout paints you with a bit of that moron paint. Well done!
KittyKatGirl 15
There is the location this fml was set for, a quite good clue he is American, seems that moron paint is used there too
musu_fml 0
He was calling Joebentley a republican, and Joebentley does not have a location set. In the words of the internet: "reading comphrehension fail".
buckfasthero 0
Again we have morons for whom humour has to be slapstick to be understood. His attitude portrays the stereotype of a far right republican christian. I also said I 'bet' he votes Republican. He is from Florida, USA as clearly stated, which is a swing state. You aren't intelligent enough to be on FML. That's really bad. Seek help soon.
shewasalmost18 0
FYL? nope. it was a well deserved victory for you
andlifesuxagain 0
Of Course its a FYL; Seconds in the morning is always great, and he was dressed for the occasion... FYL dude
bipolaradhdfml 0
NICE!