Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
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Top comments
llaawwll 0
At least he didn't have a gun pointed at your face or something.
manoverboard 0
Oh, the joys of drinking.
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Comments (114)
hbkfitz2 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
first !!!! this feels so good
Inked2009 0
that's sad
xion820 0
congratz on declaring your stupidity to the world.
iKaite 0
Did you sit and wait for your chance to prove you are a moron? Do you wait, with baited breath, refreshing the page every four seconds to get the first post? Or perhaps you have worked out a timetable of times that the FML's are posted from the server, and already have your comment copied to clipboard to paste with obvious ignorance to the disdain you cause. Yes, you my friend, are the classic troll, and I have to congratulate you on your quite obvious idiocy.
LordKoin772 0
Damn, someone just got told XD But yes thats sux, but in a way YDI for letting yourself get that drunk to where shit like this happens
jasmine1259 2
shut up 34 everyone does it get over it. you're trying to hard
KumoFF7 3
shut the **** up number 34. If you don't care then why would you even bother to comment about it? obviously you do. what, are you jealous that you didn't get first so you call him an idiot for announcing it? Grow up.
Tsukasa_fml 0
Not everyone.
FarSide 22
If I were daddy, I would have taken a frying pan and beat your bare-ass until your nose bled for disrespecting my daughter . As soon as your tortured red ass went flying through the closed window, guess whose ass would have been next??? Yep, my daughter's. For being so stupid to (re)connect up with sorry scum like you. No doubt I would have gone to jail; but what was left of your torn-up ass would have gone to the coroner.
LOLYLIF 0
Huh? How do you know he's such a bad guy? So what if he drank a bit? Doesn't everyone?
iKaite 0
No actually, I didnt wait to get first, hence the 34th position. I just get pissed off at the morons that yell OMG FIRsT!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 on every new post.
divineinstrument 2
Lol iKaite while it is annoying it's just stupid to react to these "First!" posts. Amazingly, people don't actually care that they're first- they just want an opportunity to annoy the easily irritable FML community. The same goes for people posting sexist/homophobic/racist/etc. posts. Honestly, if I ever do get first post, I'll be very tempted to post "OMG !!111!!! FIRST!" just to get an angry reaction out of people.
miss_mayhem_01 0
lol oh yes cos being first is such an achievement.. no really, i agree with 34.. its not like we're stupid.. we CAN SEE that you're first.. if ur gonna comment on a post make it worth while.. yay im numner 3405.. who wants to touch me?? maybe im like royalty now or something.. But to Matt.. dude that sucks hey.. ha ha sorry but i couldnt help but laugh.. sounds like a scene in hangover.. nice
berrychii17 5
I wonder if number 34 is a transformer....
samir1996 0
I don't understand why you would get pissed off?? All you have to do is scroll down not rage and cry because someone posted before you. UNLESS! Maybe YOU secretly want to be first!
cheerloveexx3 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
second!!!! but really, FYL
dancin303 0
second. how cool. -.-
ISellHerbs 0
Because obviously we can't tell you're the second commenter by the number. durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
kawa_fml 0
haha, sucks to be you!
acranine11 0
LOL awkward....
ilUmichaela 0
SAD:( but so funny. i bet you got your asssss kicked!
manoverboard 0
Oh, the joys of drinking.
cr4ckb0n3f4n 0
omg, if you're not drinking together with the right people, you better watch yourself.
GelatinFemur 0
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Pretty much when I read "after a heavy night of drinking" my mouse was hovering over You deserved it. I read it checking for if he was with any friends, and, not finding anything, pressed it. Totally deserved it.
llaawwll 0
At least he didn't have a gun pointed at your face or something.
spoo 24
know your limit dude :(
oopsitouchedmyse 0
shoulda said, "hey want sloppy 2nd's"?