Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
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Top comments
llaawwll 0
At least he didn't have a gun pointed at your face or something.
manoverboard 0
Oh, the joys of drinking.
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Comments (114)
GothamKnight 0
I think you are still a bit tipsy though...
spacetaco 0
if she wasn't under 18, why would her dad be there? YDI for having early sex.
jessiebare 0
she could be living at home for schooling, or still lives at home after school because she can't afford a place of her own. way to be judgemental
RunZoneFive 0
Hahah this is awesome. I mean, its a really bad situation, but thanks for sharing man. Good description of it too
abetterday 4
this would be much more of an fml if it ended with 'the reason we broke up was that she was cheating on me with another guy an got herpes from him.'
3arl 0
this one needs for unfo bc it doesn't tell what happens so it's nt really and fml
crashessuck 0
oh what fun times, wonder if this goes under "standard sofla night." here's to hoping you got your pants back on
aquarius6 0
you are not very smart dude
skatergirl21 2
Did u go o baby **** me then say to the dad let my finish
lxclark 17
Be glad it was a "subtle nudge" not a "full-blown kick".
SadinSherman 16
My dad would have nudged you with a tennis racket to the back of your head,you got lucky.