Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML
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Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, the only notification I got on my phone all day was a reminder I set to take a fibre supplement and stool softener. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML
Today, I told myself, "Come on you geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your computer, go for a walk." I finally mustered the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've now been in an internet café for four hours. FML
Today, it's only when my mom knocked on the door and asked, "Are you alright in there?" that I realised that I had been scrolling through the same Instagram feed whilst sat on the toilet for an hour. My legs had gone numb and I'm pretty sure the toilet seat is forever engraved in my arse cheeks. FML
Today, I was so busy all the time that I actually got a thrill out of sitting down and taking the weight off my feet. On the toilet. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tigerthepredator 16
Imagine what would happen if the phone battery died.
MrConfusion 21
To all the people saying YDI, I think you would do the same thing
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Comments (53)
SG44 14
You're not alone OP, I'm either on Facebook or browsing car parts
country_angel95 6
I do it too
FastTurtle9 14
I've trained my body to have to piss when I have to do hard physical labor to get out of having to do it.
SoBeSatan 22
I'm not sure if I should be impressed by the conditioning or if I should applaud you for realizing that was your issue.
justsayingbeach 15
Omg me too!! Haha
deaddonkey 15
I can still use the bathroom without needing my phone but the poop is more boring
CRC_101 31
A pointer: a lot of people squat more and take a more poop-friendly position while on their phones. Also worth a try - or yes, it's toilet boredom.
jelrid 30
FYL to your cell phone! I feel sorry that it has to experience all your bathroom breaks with you!
brittany0603 8
That's exactly what I'm doing now lol
iblife 7
The same with me, except with going to sleep