Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML
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Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, the only notification I got on my phone all day was a reminder I set to take a fibre supplement and stool softener. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML
Today, I told myself, "Come on you geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your computer, go for a walk." I finally mustered the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've now been in an internet café for four hours. FML
Today, it's only when my mom knocked on the door and asked, "Are you alright in there?" that I realised that I had been scrolling through the same Instagram feed whilst sat on the toilet for an hour. My legs had gone numb and I'm pretty sure the toilet seat is forever engraved in my arse cheeks. FML
Today, I was so busy all the time that I actually got a thrill out of sitting down and taking the weight off my feet. On the toilet. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tigerthepredator 16
Imagine what would happen if the phone battery died.
MrConfusion 21
To all the people saying YDI, I think you would do the same thing
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Comments (53)
MrConfusion 21
To all the people saying YDI, I think you would do the same thing
Migole 36
No I wouldn't. I don't take my phone with me everywhere I go, especially not the toilet. I sometimes don't look at my phone for hours *gasp* And if I found out I'm that dependable on something, I would absolutely change it.
smokecloud_ 37
While my phone occasionally accompanies me to the toilet, I don't NEED it to do my business.
Candijpg 17
"to all the people saying YDI.." you were the first comment
MrConfusion 21
#30, there already were people pressing "YDI," although there were not yet any comments.
aeryn97 17
surprisingly no.
tigerthepredator 16
Imagine what would happen if the phone battery died.
MisterEx 28
Mid-poop*
Mauskau 35
Read the ingredients of the air freshener or toothpaste over and over.
TheNewGuy03 28
Spontaneous colonic combustion would occur
am1717 22
Hahhaa don't worry op, That'll be the norm soon enough
OptimusSlime 23
I love how technology addicted everyone is. One day this will screw as over, since most people don't even know how to start a fire without matches. Instead, the internet is more important than a skill that your life could potentially depend on.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Not sure what all that ego stroking luddite nonsense has to do with it. He could just have easily become dependent on reading a physical newspaper or a book instead in order to take a shit. Hell, that's exactly what a lot of people used to do. But yeah, let's go back to the pre-microprocessor age just in case. Jesus.
deathstroke990 22
I love how you literally used the internet to post internet hate
sturschaedel 27
I can google how to start a fire without matches on my phone any time though.
Zebediabolical 43
I know how to use a bic lighter and always have one on me.
sinverguenza 11
Fred Flintstone in da house.
whatarethisss 23
I think that's almost all of us, sady.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Queue the "that's a shitty situation" type comments.
freddygasman 18
you just did
Dilexar 26
Not actually a shitty situation, unless OP's battery happened to be at 3% when he grabbed his phone.
redheadedmonster 24
I've done the same. But to be fair taking a shit is boring without something to read or a puzzle to do.
Chrisrulez66 9
Well, shit.
laden_swallow09 34
She can't.
Mahcookiez 15
Its probably just cause you're so used to doing it that it became a natural habit
Hunter1154 14
I heard going camping without electronics for a weekend can help with that, but I don't know for sure, just read it online somewhere once
sturschaedel 27
Well, if it doesn't help OP is going to have one hell of a constipation.