Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, the only notification I got on my phone all day was a reminder I set to take a fibre supplement and stool softener. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML
Today, I told myself, "Come on you geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your computer, go for a walk." I finally mustered the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've now been in an internet café for four hours. FML
Today, it's only when my mom knocked on the door and asked, "Are you alright in there?" that I realised that I had been scrolling through the same Instagram feed whilst sat on the toilet for an hour. My legs had gone numb and I'm pretty sure the toilet seat is forever engraved in my arse cheeks. FML
Today, I was so busy all the time that I actually got a thrill out of sitting down and taking the weight off my feet. On the toilet. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tigerthepredator 16
Imagine what would happen if the phone battery died.
MrConfusion 21
To all the people saying YDI, I think you would do the same thing
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Comments (53)
Dale_shackleford 13
For your own sake I hope you never go camping.
saffy66 34
I had a minor brain meltdown after reading 'until I got up'. Here I was thinking you were so lazy you were going to just do it lying in bed. Glad you clarified that! And I've resorted to reading the air freshener can, just to kill 'toilet boredom'.
team_garra 8
I guess you could say without your phone you'd be in a shitty situation.
Arkham_Callabero 15
So what would've happened if your phone died in mid-poop would've it just got stuck until your phone turned back on?
MrScootyPuffSr 16
You're not alone, that's what 80% of people are on here doing!
madinfinite 14
Same pinch:/
SecundusSecunda 27
I'm wondering if OP submitted this while pooping.
sturschaedel 27
Your profile pic makes the comment.
StickyPickles 33
You've never read the shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant, etc? I can't be the only one whose done this.
bornpatriot 11
I'm sitting on my toilet seat whilst reading this !!! FML, I guess
AviShtap 20
Wait...that isn't normal?!? Dangit, OP, now I feel bad about myself!