Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 05/02/2017 02:31 - United States - Dallas

Today my wife spotted a sexy outfit in a store and begged me to get it for her. Later when I asked her to model it for me she forwarded me some pictures that she had taken of her modeling the new outfit, while I was out at the store getting her some wine, which she had been sending to our landlord.

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 00:00 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, as I have done for many years, I want to lose weight. The problem is, I stress eat. Thinking about losing weight makes me stress, which makes me eat. Making me fatter than ever. I can't stop this cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 085

You deserved it 2 752

By Tyneetoni - 04/02/2017 23:17 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, having just made change for the parking machine, I tripped over my own feet and dropped all my coins in a freshly laid dog poo. At the risk of getting a parking ticket - my fingers are now covered in poo .......fml

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I passed up a trip to Virginia with my dad so I would not fail school. Now my brother gets to go to colonial Jamestown. I am a history nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 16:59 - United States - Columbus

Today, a crazy homeless lady was sitting on the floor at my supermarket crying hysterically because she just stab her best friend in the head. Havent found the friend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 15:51 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I went to the doctor for suspicious lump under my armpit. He decided to do a breast examination just to see what's going on. After minutes of rubbing and poking my boobs he says "Okay were gonna have to send you for an xray cause you have the lumpiest breasts iv ever felt in my life" FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 14:32 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, at the end of a bachelorette party I travelled three hours to, the unintoxicated bride-to-be didn't even say goodbye or thank me for coming. When I said goodbye I was completely ignored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 25

Don't Be That Guy

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 10:31 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, on my way home from work, I wanted to listen to music. The sound was unusually quiet so, thinking my headphones were breaking, I turned the volume up as high as possible. In actuality, my headphones were only half plugged in. Everyone in the subway had to listen to my loud music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 84

By Doc_Riddle - 04/02/2017 09:53 - United States - Tacoma

Today, after driving over 5,000 miles from Buffalo, NY through Norfolk, Nashville, Amarillo, Las Vegas, San Diego, And Crescent City I was on my last 300miles on my way to Tacoma, WA, I was rear ended south of Portland on an off ramp waiting in line to turn right. Hello $6,543 repair job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 25

By I hate needles. - 04/02/2017 08:13 - New Zealand

Today, the music class I picked at school requires you to be having musical instrument tuition from a specific program. You have to pay by a certain date or you can't take the lessons and have to drop the class. I missed the due date, and I now have to take sewing classes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 06:10 - United States

Today, a small child took one look at me, yelled "Ew, gross! Look at that girl's face!" and proceeded to make vomiting sounds in the middle of a crowded store. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 15

By hitchhiker - 04/02/2017 04:36 - Brazil

Today,i just finished paying a long maintenance on my daily car,new alternator,belts,tires,oil filters and a full tank of gas,just as i was reaching home from work one of the pollys on the engine broke off,seazing the engine on the spot.... and leaving a milkshake of broken parts inside... FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 21

Any guesses? Probably related to his penis.

By SomeRandomDude - 04/02/2017 04:00 - Germany - Budenheim

Today, my mom and I taught an elderly neighbour how to use Skype. Now she won't stop telling everyone his "hilarious" password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 927

You deserved it 745

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 03:34 - Canada - Moose Jaw

Today, my best friends girl told me their infant son liked me because I am "Fluffy" FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 30

By unlucky college student - 04/02/2017 02:01 - Canada

Today, I slept in and missed my assessment test in college. Had an allergic reaction to Nair on my face. And my bank stole 72.50 out of the 75 dollars a friend just gave me for my birthday and left me with 9 dollars for for the next week until payday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 49

By CrazyWifeAsIf - 03/02/2017 23:36 - United States - Aurora

Today, My husband still believes that I don't know how " to talk," so he refuses to acknowledge my presence. It's been two days now and I still being ignored by him.FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 62

By Kurloz - 03/02/2017 22:17 - Norway - Arendal

Today I was marching with my marching band in the streets. It was nice till we was going to stand at ease. Then a friggin clown showed up, and of course its my duty to stand completely still with my head looking forward with no sounds. The clown decided to play on my tuba and leave fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 42

By Pityme - 03/02/2017 21:14 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I've suddenly realised why my peripheral vision is so good. It seems that I still haven't completely got over the incidents of school bullying and subconsciously expect every random stranger to beat shit out of me. I am 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 36

By viktuuri - 03/02/2017 07:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I found out that my fiance, due to being deadass drunk, has completely forgotten about the night we first met. That was the night I fell in love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 03/02/2017 03:51 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was asked to work Valentine's Day. I had no reason to decline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 37

By Whillzworld - 03/02/2017 03:40 - United States

Today my mother took me to work and traded my rental out due to services needed. She got out all my stuff and after looking through the car she found a pair of panties I seems to have lost from a hookup a few weeks ago and I'm now being yelled at FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 149

By Bored As Fuck! - 03/02/2017 02:48 - United States - Asheville

Today, I let my mom drive me to class so she could use my car because hers is messed up. Got out of class at 20:03 (8:03PM). It's now 20:48 (8:48PM) and she still isn't here.... Everyone is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 47

By Mr. Emu - 03/02/2017 02:06 - United States - Ocean View

Today, my friend told me that he had gotten STD from having sex. The girl he had sex with was my crush. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 42

By Anonymous - 03/02/2017 01:46 - Canada - Barrie

Today, the medicine I took did in fact stop my cough...by making me puke for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 19

By moops - 03/02/2017 01:43 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me because he was jealous of my dog that I had for about 2. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 43

By hurtverybadly:( - 03/02/2017 01:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while walking down the hall in school, right after phys. ed, with my shoes in my hand, I try to put them on while walking. I fall back and landed on my ass. I now have a severely bruised tailbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 181

By feelingstupid - 02/02/2017 19:47 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I meant to say I really admired Fredrick Douglas (prominent African-American scholar), but instead a said I admired Stephen Douglas (white politician who wanted to expand slavery). This was in a video for the black student union. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 118

By over it - 02/02/2017 12:00 - Australia - Ryde

Today, and for the last 9 months, my extended family continue to tell me how good my ex-girlfriend was and how stupid I was to break it off. Knowing how much they liked her, I decided not to tell them the reason I broke up with her was because she cheated on me, twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 167

You deserved it 2 260

Playing hard to get

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I got stood up for the second time. By my interviewer for Princeton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 267

You deserved it 491

By anonymous - 01/02/2017 12:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I was at the mall when i heard the guy behind me make a disgusting sexual comment about me. I whirled around and went to punch him. He dodged it and I accidentally hit the security guard standing behind him. I got pepper sprayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 354

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 942

You deserved it 2 559

Today, my sister tackled me by the leg in a game of frisbee. I now know the unique sensation of a knee dislocating. It is not a beautiful one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 434

You deserved it 293

Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 479

You deserved it 5 999

Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 231

Today, ever supportive of my friends, I went to a concert and tried to really get into the music. I was jumping and dancing, only to realize I was at the wrong concert. My friend's band was playing next door. I spent half an hour dancing with strangers to music I didn't even really like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 570

Today, I ran into someone at a party I thought was a coworker and started talking to them about the company we work for. He listened to me for a bit, then said, “I think you think I’m someone else.” I apologized to this total stranger, walked away, and spent the rest of the party avoiding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 169