Your everyday life stories

SkooewRusa - 17/01/2017 22:38 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I recived an email inviting me to an online call for a course I thought was on campus. Half an hour after class started and trying to contact someone when I was the only one on, I found out the online link was only for distance students. There aren't even any in that class. FML

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fuckit - 17/01/2017 23:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to break up with me, via text, because he thought the man that was at my house was somebody who I was cheating with. it was my father... FML

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IWazup - 17/01/2017 23:18 - United States

Today, I went to the local gas station to buy a soda for $1.22. I paid in 9 dimes and 32 pennies and the clerk said that he's not counting it and that he doesn't have too and I have to do it. I counted the change. FML

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Random person - 17/01/2017 22:39 - United States - Erlanger

Today, I got to see the guy who bullied me in high school. We decided to go to a bar so he could get drunk, then I said he could stay the night at my house. I was going to beat him up for payback, until he knocked me it cold because he was drunk. FML

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KevinShart - 17/01/2017 21:36 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I ran in front of my friends to get in the car after going out to eat. I tried to force out a fart before getting in the car. I ended sharting.No one noticed, I had to ride 30 minutes with it between my cheeks before I got to clean myself off.

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Anonymous - 17/01/2017 22:33 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend telling me he's been cheating on me for 2 months and that he has a baby on the way... FML

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- 17/01/2017 22:27 - United States - Morganton

Today, i went to ask my friend with benefits to be my gf and she replied her boy friend wouldnt like her having another bf. does that make me a side piece? fml.

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Showerhead Frenzy - 17/01/2017 20:52 - United States - Collierville

Today, I tried to masterbate with the new showerhead I just bought. As I was almost ready to finish the shower curtain rod fell and knocked me in the head. Now I have a large bloody cut on my head and an inability to cum now. FML.

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Not2nite - 17/01/2017 21:36 - United States - Northfield

Today my wife came home from a weekend with the girls while I stayed home with our 2 sons. It's been a long 4 days and I was looking forward to some "alone time" with my wife after getting home from a long day at work. I came home to the boys asleep in their beds! As well as my wife. FML

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theweirdantisocialgirl - 17/01/2017 19:41 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was in my car in a store parking lot waiting for someone. A woman and a little boy were getting into the car next to mine. The little boy for some reason pointed at me said "Mom! Somebody is waiting for you!" and the woman responded by saying "No, he's waiting for someone else." I'm a girl.

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NewYearNewCrush - 17/01/2017 20:16 - United States - Evansville

Today, I went to get my haircut after a year of letting it grow out out. Of course out of excitement I sent a picture of my new hair to the guy I like. He asked if I liked my new haircut and I said I loved it and asked if he liked it. He replied no.

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- 17/01/2017 18:40 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I showed the girl I've had a crush on a funny picture I took of my best friend, because they know each other. She looked at the picture, exhaled and said, "god, he is so hot!" there goes that sliver of hope that she was a lesbian. FML

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Strawnana - 17/01/2017 19:40 - United States - Annapolis

Today my boyfriend had medicine for an ingrown hair on his crotch. It made him photosensitive. He thought if he went outside he'd burn up like a vampire. I thought he was kidding so I opened the curtains, he ran into the bathroom and locked the door to protect himself from the sun. FML

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DUNKEN DONUT - 17/01/2017 19:38 - Canada - L?vis

Today, I was reading a book and used a little "Hooters" advertisement as my book marker. It slipped out and everybody on the bus was staring at it. Literally 5 people laughed at it and I tried my best to pick up the ticket with big breasted women on it without crying. FML.

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Swiss - 17/01/2017 19:03 - United States - Weare

Today I tried asking out my crush with a letter , I had my best friend throw it to her. They've been dating for 3 weeks now .FML

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itchingchest - 17/01/2017 17:41 - United States - Germantown

Today, I went to the store to try colognes out and the only one I tried gave me a rash

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Bean head - 17/01/2017 17:24 - United States - Mineral Springs

Today, I situated my flaccid penis in class, there was a Mexican girl that saw my and she decided to tell The school how small it was FML

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cuckold - 17/01/2017 15:15 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I realized that no matter how strong my convictions are, my wife's nagging wins out every time. FML.

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loveless - 17/01/2017 17:56 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my basement. Things were getting heated and her pants were undone. Just as I was starting to finger her, my mom came downstairs. Fml.

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hateschool - 17/01/2017 17:37 - United States - Bronx

Today, my history teacher said I look like an "Irish gangster" so everyone would laugh. I told him that I'm not Irish. He said that I shouldn't have said anything because it was a joke. When I tried to speak, he gave me detention for "talking back". I just got detention for not being Irish. FML

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- 17/01/2017 14:20 - United States - Roseville

Today, after spending $60 on a new water pump (which was leaking) and coolant (I had to buy the $25 coolant because that was the only one that worked for my truck) I found out that I now have a crack in my radiator which caused all of the coolant to drain. FML

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doodoo - 17/01/2017 16:16 - United States - Austin

Today was supposed to be my second day of a working job interview. Instead, after vomiting in front of everyone yesterday, I have spent today confined to within 10 feet of a toilet with diarrhea. I think this might be God's way of telling me I won't get the job. FML

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ijustthrewupalittle - 17/01/2017 13:30 - United States - Vacaville

Today I watched as my new puppy ate my other dog's shit out of her butthole as she pooped. It never even touched the ground. FML

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fuck me - 17/01/2017 16:30 - United States - Toledo

Today, I accidentally sent my crush (who knows I like him and has a girlfriend) a meme saying he should fall in love with me. He doesn't believe it was an accident. FML

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- 17/01/2017 12:13 - United States - San Jose

Today, my friend sent me snapchats of him and his dad taking bong rips together. My parents just called me over to do a drug test. FML

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- 17/01/2017 14:58 - United States - Southfield

Today, I got voted most obsessed with spiders for my school's yearbook. I'm terrified of spiders. FML.

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- 17/01/2017 14:32 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was supposed to take my first IT certification test, but I lost my slip of where I was supposed to go... I missed and it I don't know if I can make it up. FML

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sucka - 17/01/2017 13:10 - United States - Austin

Today i was making coffee before work and my cat decided to jump and bite on my penis , guess who had to go to ER FML

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sandras - 17/01/2017 19:52 - Norway - Oslo

Today I went on a date with a guy I met on tinder. First warning sign. It started out really good and he was really cool, but then the shitstorm started. He had to make several stops on the way, to sell and smoke weed... So I got stuck in some strangers car while he was out selling weed. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, the cops pulled over and tried to arrest my friends for transportation of a corpse and murder. Just because you find a body in the back of a truck bed, wrapped in a blanket cocoon and apparently unresponsive, does not mean they are dead. I was very much alive, thank you very much. FML

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Today, my crush asked to speak with me in private. He took me to a secluded area and asked if my best friend was interested in him. FML

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Today, I went to a concert. I got into a fist fight with a drunk girl. My older brother tried to pull me away from her by holding both my arms back. I spent the last half of the concert in the hospital because I couldn't shield my face. FML

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Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

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Today, a guy on the train was using his phone really loudly, asking Siri to call a bunch of people, or using voice command to do the most menial things. He was really, really noisy. It's only after I couldn't stand it any more and asked him to be quieter that I noticed the white cane next to him. FML

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Today, I came back from my 3-month vacation in France. During my vacation I lost 32 lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door, he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

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