Random FMLs

By badjob - 12/09/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 3 092

By mehdi-online - 13/10/2008 08:22

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 741

You deserved it 18 041

Pretend it's snowing

By babypenguin00 - 29/08/2015 19:20 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 338

You deserved it 1 985

Bad driving

By Jennnn - 16/09/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear-ended them, and then I got rear-ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 820

You deserved it 57 361

Wisdom

By weldingmachine217 - 16/11/2015 21:47 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 307

You deserved it 3 655

Domestic bliss

By Good_old_Grim - 15/10/2009 13:51 - Latvia

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 2 833

Cursed building

By I care too much - 06/05/2019 04:00

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 145

Ouch

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Union City

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 927

You deserved it 2 546

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that he has a secret love child, but that its mother had passed. I'm supposed to now raise this kid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 123

Whine whine whine

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 21:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, it snowed. Rather than enjoy the view, my roommate had to complain every five minutes about the mentally challenged neighbor shovelling snow all day long. As long as he doesn't shovel it into my yard, I really don't care what he does to pass the time in lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 106

By mommy - 14/03/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 526

You deserved it 2 534

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 20:33 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 626

You deserved it 4 306

By it's just hair - 15/02/2018 19:00

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler's" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 017

You deserved it 764

By Anonymous1221 - 21/11/2016 07:12

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 163

You deserved it 1 468

Careful

By wowawesome - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 460

This is us

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 17:04

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 2 953

Lonesome tonight

By Anonymous - 18/07/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, and ever since my parents started watching "Love on the Spectrum", they've have been trying to play matchmaker with me and the women on the show, since I'm autistic and single. Unfortunately, they've been unsuccessful. The universe is dropping hints - hints that I will probably remain painfully single for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 156

WOOF WOOF

By fuck! - 17/05/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbors, in my supposedly pet-free apartment complex, got a puppy. It’s a Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 116

By kate - 29/04/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 807

You deserved it 8 585

By lildale92 - 29/11/2018 05:00

Today, I asked my husband to watch our kids while I cooked food for him. Apparently I asked in the wrong tone, because now he's pouting and won't eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 914

You deserved it 394

Delete pls

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 161

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 535

Clout chasing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes, or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 597

You deserved it 47 270

Bunch of bankers

By WTF - 30/10/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 2 252

Making an entrance

By conspicuous - 12/09/2012 20:11 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and some clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 644

You deserved it 3 916

By parental failure - 03/03/2013 17:03 - Canada - Langley

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 103

You deserved it 7 542

Nice

By oh, shit...... - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Bagsværd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 776

You deserved it 2 047

By Deconstructed - 19/05/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 126

You deserved it 28 019

By NotBuyingATractor - 02/09/2015 02:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer service guy called to fix a problem I've been having with my phone. When it transpired that he couldn't help, he transferred me to another representative. This other representative ended up being a John Deere dealer in Michigan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 672

You deserved it 1 535

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 215

You deserved it 2 834

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 192

You deserved it 4 227

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 4 316

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 988

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 666

You deserved it 503

Today, my boyfriend's mum yelled at me for, "nagging Stephen to get married when he isn't ready." I mentioned marriage once. At my sister's wedding. When prompted by my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 332

Today, my boyfriend of four years proposed to me and I said yes. A few hours later, I found out he's been talking to multiple other girls for about three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 117