Weird

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 09:00 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I found out I am pregnant. I hooked up with my step-dad not that long ago while my mom was out of town. I'm 30 and he wants to tell my mom my baby is his, and I like the idea of telling her, but also know she won’t take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 465

You OK, hun?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 15:00 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I'm not sure if this even qualifies as a confession, but here goes: I'm weirdly but genuinely disappointed that my celebrity crush used to get naked on screen. Somehow my delulu brain had convinced itself she was a proper lady 24/7, on and off screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 512

Nine Inch Nails?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 09:00 - Tanzania - Dar es Salaam

Today, I realized my mom, whom I've been distant with for a few months, doesn't know her birth date. She's in her thirties and I need to apply for a university loan but it's impossible without her NIN, and she knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 60

Red flag

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying, "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 923

You deserved it 6 002

Clean break

By Bad thing? - 09/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 359

I'm not a magician

By oh hi - 08/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a wallet on the pavement and took it to a police station. The officer opened it, looked at the ID, and said the owner lived two streets from me. I went back outside and nearly walked into said neighbour. He recognised his wallet immediately and hugged me. He then asked if I could also return his missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 69

The war on pickles

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 15:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent my lunch break trying to open a jar of pickles that had been stuck for weeks. I finally gave up and asked a coworker for help. He tapped the lid once with a spoon and it opened immediately. I'd been fighting a pickle jar every day for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 281

I can explain

By SLEEPLESS - 07/09/2026 09:00 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 77

Petrolhead

By Whoopsie - 04/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I finally found a parking space directly outside my apartment after driving around for 20 minutes. I celebrated, parked, and walked upstairs. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd left my car running with the keys still inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 362

GOT brain

By Anonymous - 03/09/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute Scottish guy from Tinder, who kept on referring to himself as "FROM THE NORTH" like he thought he was in Game of Thrones or something. I like the show too, but I sure didn’t appreciate being called a "SOFT SOUTHERNER" when I talked about being born in Plymouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 112

Welcome home!

By Tickedoff the Squirrel - 01/09/2026 09:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 74

Discord weirdo

By Miku - 01/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, a creep messaged me on Discord, asking my brother to pinch my cheeks, and to send a photo of me pretending to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 71

Paranoid

By StillBetterThanTwilight - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 895

You deserved it 2 669

Got it?

By Jessica - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 033

You deserved it 3 195

Chill out, lady

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 157

You deserved it 1 822

Surveillance 24/7

By Traveller - 18/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my smart fridge sent me a notification saying the door had been left open. I ran downstairs, and discovered I had apparently connected the fridge to my phone correctly. For some reason, it was warning me about the open door in the hotel room three cities away that I'd stayed in last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 257

Magical mystery tour

By Weird - 18/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, I opened my fridge and found a single lemon, three sauces, and a 9V battery. I have no idea why the battery was there. I don't remember putting it there. I also don't remember owning anything that requires that particular battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 102

Judge Judy

By Dominic - 15/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, there's a kindly old lady at my gym who always looks over at me while I'm finishing on the elliptical. I thought she was checking me out. Turns out, since I always end my workout with 5 minutes on it, she thought I came to the gym, did 5 minutes on the elliptical, and left. She wasn't flirting. She was judging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 232

Simple plan

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 03:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I got a message from an old friend’s wife. She said they were having a reunion at their place and invited me to come. She spent the whole night trying to get me to hook up with him! She wanted out of the marriage and thought that if she could get him to cheat, she’d get a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 68

You did what?

By Now we both get punished! - 06/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 126

Family

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 89

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

By I want to forget too... - 03/08/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 62

Suspicious activity

By Lexa - 02/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband made an elaborate heartfelt speech to a female colleague regarding her job promotion during her celebration dinner that had everyone in tears. During our wedding, he insisted on not do wedding vows because he “doesn’t like all that emotional shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 94

Toast

By [email protected] - 31/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Garden City

Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 87

You swap what?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 75

Seek help

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I realized my friends were right about my obsession for my only son when I found myself genuinely jealous when I heard he recently got a new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 628

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 18/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I missed my daughter’s engagement because her cousin has a crush on her and was planning to ruin it. So while my daughter was agreeing to get married, my sister and I were in the car park with the jealous little shit in a headlock, whilst screaming that he loved her and that it’s not fair. He’s 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 70

Brain melting

By drunk n high - 17/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Reno

Today, while stumbling drunkenly down a trail, I saw a sign that said "Watch for Falling Rocks." I spent the next five minutes confused and wondering how I was supposed to know which rocks were planning to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 387

YouTube? OurTube!

By Hackme - 11/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I managed to convince my wife that a random YouTube profile logged into our bedroom TV was a hacker who'd hacked our Wi-Fi and planted a virus on our TV. She ate it up like an all you can eat buffet. The profile is actually a coworker of mine, who I’ve been secretly seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 1 026

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my husband came to me with a proposition. He asked in all honesty if he could please have a one-time pass to have sex with someone else. He said that she’s a virgin and it’s always been his dream, and something every man deserves in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 124

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 598

You deserved it 174 177

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 76

Random

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 956

You deserved it 8 100

Today, I superglued my headphones back together. They weren't dry before I put them back in my ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 961

You deserved it 53 584

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 069

You deserved it 2 722

Today, at work, I had to analyze timecards data and generate a report on the least billed / occupied people at work. I found myself at the bottom. I sent it to my boss too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 178

Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 252

Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 138