World

Today, I brought a guy home for the first time in a while. Everything was going great, and we ended up breaking my bed. To clarify: we didn't have sex, we just broke my bed. FML

By .22 - / Saturday 16 June 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Edinburgh
World
By Anonymous - / Wednesday 13 June 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Morecambe
World

Today, I spent a good 20 minutes cleaning the massive shopfront window of my work outside in the scorching heat, only to watch some kid drag his sweaty, sticky hand all the way along it. FML

By anonymous - / Tuesday 12 June 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - London
World

Today, it’s my birthday. My family has spared no expense; cake, balloons, decorations, new outfits... nothing is too much. Oh, it’s not for me. They’re celebrating the Royal Wedding. FML

By RoyalFail - / Friday 25 May 2018 04:02 / United Kingdom - Wallasey
World
By Anonymous - / Wednesday 23 May 2018 19:30 / United Kingdom - London
World

Today, 30 seconds after waking up and shuffling into the bathroom, the mother of all spiders lost its fight with gravity and fell into my lap while I was peeing. I went from 0-100 wide awake and screaming at 6am. FML

By ScaredShitless - / Tuesday 1 May 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Sheffield
World

Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

By Fml4evr - / Sunday 22 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom
World

Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That would be bad enough, but I spent weeks arranging it, supplied the venue and everything else, and I was the only guy not to get laid. FML

By Frustrated - / Thursday 19 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
World
By Si123 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Renfrew
World
By UnComfortablyNumb - / Thursday 5 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Hatfield
World
By Anonymous - / Friday 30 March 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
World
By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
World

Today, I cut my balls while shaving. They wouldn't stop bleeding, so I had to go about my day wearing a maxi pad. My girlfriend won't stop congratulating me on growing into a beautiful young woman. FML

By Painful periods - / Thursday 8 March 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Lincoln
World

Today, I'm stuck in the middle of a red weather warning because of two huge snowstorms. I've been snowed in at work for three days so far. No sign of getting home any time soon. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
World
By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract
World
By Anonymous - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
World

Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
World

Today I found out that my 21-year-old son has been using my face razor on his balls and butthole since he was 13. The best part is that he doesn't actually clean it when he's done; he just wipes the hair off. FML

By Damn - / Friday 12 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Manchester
World
By Horror_girl - / Sunday 7 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - York
World

Today, I took it upon myself to treat my wife to the sights of London. Big Ben was being renovated, London Eye had no tickets left, and it rained all day. FML

By Inam Junichi Petrache Mahmood - / Friday 5 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Romford
World

Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

By Katxx93 - / Monday 1 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
World

Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
World
By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
World
By Anonymous - / Sunday 10 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Bolton
World
By Anonymous - / Sunday 3 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
World

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years went on a 2-week trip to Italy to spend time with his family. Thinking nothing of it, I decided to go to a Comic Con alone. I saw him there with another girl. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 23 November 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
World
By emayc - / Wednesday 22 November 2017 05:00 / United Kingdom
World
By Paracelcus - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 04:00 / United Kingdom - London
World
By Dontplayjokes - / Monday 13 November 2017 06:00 / United Kingdom
World

Today, after being hit by a car, I got up and hobbled to work instead of the hospital because no one else would cover my management shift. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 10 November 2017 18:00 / United Kingdom - Derby
Loading data…