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By EmbarrassedBigSister - / Sunday 19 August 2018 05:00 / United Kingdom - Brighton
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By I can't stand leg puns - / Friday 17 August 2018 12:00 / United Kingdom - Feltham
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By Tanya - / Monday 13 August 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Wakefield
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By I can't stand leg puns - / Wednesday 8 August 2018 02:30 / United Kingdom - Feltham
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Today, I met my long-distance boyfriend in person for the first time. He insisted on bringing all of his friends, and when he went to the bathroom, one of them punched me in the face for "stealing his bro". FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 26 July 2018 19:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, it's been 9 months since my home was damaged by a neighbour's gas explosion. The council said it would take a month to repair. I'm still living on my boyfriend's mother's sofa. FML

By onemonthmyarse - / Wednesday 25 July 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Isleworth
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Today, at school, after returning from a very serious operation, a group of bullies stole something I got during my recovery - my new prosthetic leg. I still have no idea where it is. FML

By I can't stand leg puns - / Monday 25 June 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Feltham
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Today, I brought a guy home for the first time in a while. Everything was going great, and we ended up breaking my bed. To clarify: we didn't have sex, we just broke my bed. FML

By .22 - / Saturday 16 June 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Edinburgh
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 13 June 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Morecambe
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Today, I spent a good 20 minutes cleaning the massive shopfront window of my work outside in the scorching heat, only to watch some kid drag his sweaty, sticky hand all the way along it. FML

By anonymous - / Tuesday 12 June 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - London
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Today, it’s my birthday. My family has spared no expense; cake, balloons, decorations, new outfits... nothing is too much. Oh, it’s not for me. They’re celebrating the Royal Wedding. FML

By RoyalFail - / Friday 25 May 2018 04:02 / United Kingdom - Wallasey
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 23 May 2018 19:30 / United Kingdom - London
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Today, 30 seconds after waking up and shuffling into the bathroom, the mother of all spiders lost its fight with gravity and fell into my lap while I was peeing. I went from 0-100 wide awake and screaming at 6am. FML

By ScaredShitless - / Tuesday 1 May 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Sheffield
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Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

By Fml4evr - / Sunday 22 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom
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Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That would be bad enough, but I spent weeks arranging it, supplied the venue and everything else, and I was the only guy not to get laid. FML

By Frustrated - / Thursday 19 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
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By Si123 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Renfrew
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By UnComfortablyNumb - / Thursday 5 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Hatfield
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By Anonymous - / Friday 30 March 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom
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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, I cut my balls while shaving. They wouldn't stop bleeding, so I had to go about my day wearing a maxi pad. My girlfriend won't stop congratulating me on growing into a beautiful young woman. FML

By Painful periods - / Thursday 8 March 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Lincoln
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Today, I'm stuck in the middle of a red weather warning because of two huge snowstorms. I've been snowed in at work for three days so far. No sign of getting home any time soon. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract
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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today I found out that my 21-year-old son has been using my face razor on his balls and butthole since he was 13. The best part is that he doesn't actually clean it when he's done; he just wipes the hair off. FML

By Damn - / Friday 12 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Manchester
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By Horror_girl - / Sunday 7 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - York
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Today, I took it upon myself to treat my wife to the sights of London. Big Ben was being renovated, London Eye had no tickets left, and it rained all day. FML

By Inam Junichi Petrache Mahmood - / Friday 5 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Romford
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Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

By Katxx93 - / Monday 1 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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