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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, I got robbed. They took my stereo and laptop, but they left my car and a note that reads "Wtf is this?" FML

By Nessa - / Sunday 18 February 2018 19:30 / New Zealand
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By To shave or not to shave - / Thursday 15 February 2018 19:30 / Canada - Ajax
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By Wtf - / Tuesday 13 February 2018 03:56 / Australia - Peakhurst
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By dasdachs - / Monday 12 February 2018 11:14 / Slovenia
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Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of six years with another girl. He tried to apologize, stating that it was because I "look too much like a man". FML

By Jess - / Saturday 10 February 2018 11:00 / Canada - Calgary
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Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, my boyfriend got rid of the full leg cast he had to wear for 6 weeks. He won't stop pissing in a bottle at night because it's more convenient than getting up. At least he empties it himself now. FML

By genieinabottle - / Tuesday 6 February 2018 06:00 / Austria - Bad Ischl
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By ShanghaiSamuel - / Tuesday 30 January 2018 22:00 / China - Shanghai
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By BonusForDaddyIssues - / Monday 29 January 2018 00:00 / Australia - Brisbane
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Today, I was having sex with my wife. Halfway through, I had to go to the bathroom, but she complained so I stayed. It was explosive diarrhea. I was on top. FML

By Dr Pepper - / Sunday 28 January 2018 00:00 / Canada
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By sadCowboysfan - / Friday 26 January 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ajax
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Today, I'm traveling halfway around the world to see my long-distance boyfriend. Today, he informed me that he took the wrong days off from work and will not be joining me. FML

By Flyyyy - / Friday 26 January 2018 01:30 / Italy - Lissone
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By there is no hope - / Thursday 25 January 2018 22:00 / Philippines - San Pedro
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Today, I heard something you don't want to hear at the dentist: "I need a bigger drill." FML

By Aseemann - / Wednesday 24 January 2018 19:00 / Denmark - Svendborg
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By Sergeant - / Monday 22 January 2018 13:00 / Russian Federation
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Today, my dog became too old to eat dry food. A $9 bag used to last him 3 weeks. The equivalent in the cheapest canned food is $63. FML

By DogGoneIt - / Monday 22 January 2018 11:00 / Australia - Adelaide
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Today, during my annual performance evaluation, my boss responded to my career goal with, "Pfft! That ain't gonna happen." FML

By ThatGuy - / Thursday 18 January 2018 11:00 / Canada - Edmonton
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By WhoIAm - / Monday 15 January 2018 10:00 / Canada - Salisbury
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Today, I went to a corporate event and lit my hair on fire in front of everyone due to an unfortunately-placed candle on the bar. FML

By Amy - / Saturday 13 January 2018 08:30 / Hong Kong
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Today I found out that my 21-year-old son has been using my face razor on his balls and butthole since he was 13. The best part is that he doesn't actually clean it when he's done; he just wipes the hair off. FML

By Damn - / Friday 12 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Manchester
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Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he started to really get into it and get rough. He tore my labia and I now need stitches. FML

By Becca - / Tuesday 9 January 2018 13:30 / Australia
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Today, I was cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cozy dinner with my boyfriend at his parents' country house. I picked up the bottle of olive oil we'd used for cooking and spotted two dead mice in it. FML

By Lisbeth - / Sunday 7 January 2018 19:30 / Canada - Mascouche
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By Horror_girl - / Sunday 7 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - York
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Today, I took it upon myself to treat my wife to the sights of London. Big Ben was being renovated, London Eye had no tickets left, and it rained all day. FML

By Inam Junichi Petrache Mahmood - / Friday 5 January 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Romford
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Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

By Katxx93 - / Monday 1 January 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom
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Today, in gym class, we were doing leg exercises. Unsure how to do it, I somehow managed to kick the wall, lose my balance, faceplant, and break my ankle. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 December 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole
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Today, I received a housewarming gift from an easily offended friend of mine. I recently explained to her how terrible I am at keeping plants alive. What did she get me? An orchid. FML

By Orchidmurderer - / Thursday 21 December 2017 09:00 / New Zealand
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Today, Christmas is around the corner. I ordered my mom's gift in August to avoid Christmas shopping madness and hid it so she wouldn't find it. Now I can't find it either. FML

By xloverin - / Saturday 16 December 2017 01:30 / Slovakia - Bratislava
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By Anonymous - / Monday 11 December 2017 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole
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