Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML
Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML
Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML
Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview, I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML
Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML
Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw me putting on makeup and asked, “Mommy, are you trying to look less tired or more alive?” FML
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Top comments
Fx13mz 7
I bet you look hot.
alex6946 10
why don't you use makeup remover and nail polish remover? it simplifies things.
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Comments (198)
Fx13mz 7
I bet you look hot.
changesinme 0
plus he could go to the interview as a 'mom' now
Insane_Tea 15
Men who care about their appearance is good qaulity in worker. They'll just think your overly dedicated.
Docbee 11
He is sure to get a job now! in the circus...
whitesox365 0
pray your interviewer is a woman or gay
CateXOX 0
33- Why would a woman like a guy wearing makeup?
MissBunny25 0
girl I bet you were rockin' that urban decay eye shadow palet. also, piss in a cup an tell your daughter it's apple juice. that'll show her >:)
Docbee 11
miss bunny every single one of your posts involves peeing in something o.O
PassTheDutch 0
and normally something about crawling back in a hole. lol I love her comments.
Uncle_Moe_Lester 3
anyone else notice these kind of fmls always have a job interview?
Melvar_10 3
wanna go to space?
Melvar_10 3
Stay low.... space cops.....
Uncle_Moe_Lester 3
59 if by space u mean a drug induced coma then yes I do
aquariusangel420 0
HAHA well you could tell them what happened or go in confident and nice AS HELL I'm sure you'll get the job as long as you show you want it regardless of what your daughter did to you lol
littlemissFYL 5
it seems as if your daughter failed to make you look pretty, considering your bitching.
livin_plur 0
miss bunny! lovin that urban decay :D
loveluver7 0
O o :):):):):):):):) -------
DoubleDose 0
just draw a moustache in pen over her face and a few more modifications and tell her. " this is daddy repaying the favor"
tellithowitis 13
hopefully the job is for a clown!!! u would definitely get in:))
wintamint101 7
bonus pointss
Boothroid 0
59 & 65 I love deadmau5
OMG_N3RD 0
47 LOL
Hide_Yo_Kids 0
#46 your username says a lot about your comments
j_cat187 19
lets get lost in space
Randuhh_17 4
38-I think 33 was stating that a woman would understand the situation better...not that a woman wants to see a man in make up. she might think it's funny, and see he is a home kinda guy, and possibly get the job.
tkdgold03 5
But yah know OP had enough time to write this FML... :P lol
skidoo800HO 2
Well maybe your kid thinks that your interviewer is into that kinda thing... ya never know haha
rhpslover 0
I'm sure they will understand
RaineLee 5
Hehe yeah daddy looks pretty now alright.
emariebake 0
I thought melvarrr had 3 r's
boydeee01 7
is it just me or does everyone have a job interview in an hour?
msl1333 4
Freud would have a field day with this FML and this thread it inspired
LouieLZ 5
I love how you think Ms. Bunny
ilikecats_haha 1
nail polish remover ?
IMveryHUNGRY 3
OMG IT'S THE END OF THE WORLDDD! Scrub harder geez
BugsBunny1 4
Just eat some food and calm down, buddy.
Eggers 2
but you had time to write this FML?
sweet_candy_ 17
How many times do we have to explain this to people? All fmls posted on this website have to start with the word today. This could have happened a long time ago.
_yarrrr 0
also, yes always write fml's. that's why we all have accounts.....
tommono4 0
meh I agree with you
jjames7543 13
But if you look at the FML, it is written in present tense. So Eggers kinda does have a point...
rocketeer_97 1
67- that doesnt mean anything.
Eggers 2
77- does it matter that he said "I have a job interview in an hour"
ThatLooksSticky 16
Eggers is correct. The way it is written - with or without the word "today" as the first word - makes is sound like the OP stopping trying to clean himself up and instead author an FML post.The OP could have written, "Today I HAD and interview (...) and none of it came off."
rocketeer_97 1
eggers, as a matter of fact, no it doesnt. this person couldve written this yesterday & it got posted today. do you know exactly when this guy sent this in ? no, you dont. it couldve been today, it couldve been yesterday.
LogicPolice 0
obviously the author didn't stop to write this before his interview, but the fml sounds better in present tense. More likely, the author recalled his thoughts from the point in time when he was 1 hour away from his interview. If you are trying to question the validity of the fml... just don't. Not only does it take much of the fun out of the website, but we are also supposed to give the authors fiat.
Elphieba 4
Maybe after the interview? Or the next day?
rocketeer_97 1
thank you LogicPolice !
smileyxo4 5
I'd just like to say that #115, you do not make sense. Even if he did write this yesterday, you don't know if it happened yesterday. Am I correct?
j_cat187 19
4 are u bord with shit?
docscientist 9
The tense used gives it a better narrative as if you're discovering the events along with the op rather than it simply being told to you if it were in the past tense.
docscientist 9
But then again, he does give a specific time, so maybe the fml was submitted before the interview.
rocketeer_97 1
148- thats what im trying to say.
rocketeer_97 1
168- yes, that makes sense. all im trying to say is that it couldve been written yesterday or today. or any day really.
bbaabobulz 3
umm he was talk as if it was when he woke up!!
irokyoursox 6
you guys need to relax
xxlauruh 0
rocketeer sure likes to argue over insignificant bs. it happened. point blank. who cares when.
trainheartnet 1
Wowwwwwww
marissakmnn 0
well maybe he posted it that night? -__-
Lynne2 0
your right! I wrote basically the same comment without noticing you have also said this.
maxfonseca 3
but he said I have the interview in an hour not had
nimihyel 4
ever heard of make-up remover?
CateXOX 0
Maybe, but being a dude, OP probably doesn't keep a bottle handy.
ImThePope 2
We are guys, not make up artists.
Docbee 11
or does he..?
soccerguy2 11
I'm a guy and keep make-up remover. I like making myself beautiful and then before anyone can see, take it off.
ImaginaryFoe 0
It probably wasn't his make-up either but if there is make-up around, it wouldn't be absurd for there to be make-up remover around.
Jvr91 8
14 well if "being a dude" and having makeup in the first place might as well have the remover.
PrincessesCrown 17
it was prob cheap little girl make-up that smears when you try to take it off. My neighbors did my nails with cheap stuff and it took forever to take off because it kept smearing
JeterArmy 0
hes a guy i highly doubt hes heard of it
TrollsFTW 0
yummy
samadams42 0
your picture is my screen saver lol
TrollsFTW 0
it's mine too
jrgr 6
I used to do the same to my dad when I was younger :)
LogicPolice 0
I have never seen so many failed attempts at submitting fml's...
t2icu 0
pretty sad that's the only thing you noticed, not that she was pretty or even staying on the topic of the fml.
minktheshrink 0
123 - I know a user (fml not drugs... well idk about drugs) who has over 100 failed. anyone know who I'm thinking of?
pomplemussy 0
I did that to my uncle once when he got drunk. we shamed him into quitting(: At least she cares about your appearance.
alex6946 10
why don't you use makeup remover and nail polish remover? it simplifies things.
ihaspanda 0
I know, right?
FuckYourLifexD 0
he's a guy and guys dnt carry that or buy that for them selves -_-
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
ikr i was thinkin the same thing
ipooprainbows 0
then why does he have nail polish and makeup?
capslockisgood 19
Being a man, OP may not know much about makeup.
yallreadyknow 0
damn. that would suck goin to a job interview lookin like a drag queen
CateXOX 0
Or just smear the fecal matter all over your face. It will probably take all eyes off your poofter makeup, which to be honest, we know you enjoy wearing.
Michelle_74617 1
OMG YOU HAVE TO SEND THAT PICTURE TO ME
A7X_LoVeee 10
Lmfao
lmaoatall 6
79, you should know by now your not allowed to post lmfao or lol, for some reason I can't figure. you got a thumbs down. I reversed it for you. now continue laughing at will.
toasty97 3
pedo much?
irokyoursox 6
98 I have no mercy I have them a thumbs down ps lol