Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
zee209 0
Blame that on Twilight. That piece of shit book series ruins EVERYTHING. Sorry to hear that, BTW.
DiscountDJ25 0
Tonights "Oh Shit!" moment was brought to you courtesy of sparkly vampires! ...And Wendy's.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
what are you waiting for? bite that bitches neck!
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Shadow_Phantom 26
C'MON people there ARE some of us who still LOVE vampires, but hate that horrible "vampire" series known as Twifail- I mean "Twilight." Although I DON'T doubt this was Twilight-related...
Trevv 0
******* twilight.... and they say girls are the only ones exploited by the media. granted, they get it worse, but still. anyone that leaves someone because they aren't a mythical creature of sex and violence is a total liability to society. you were way better off not getting with her. shed probably be screaming, "Oh, EDWARD!" the whole time anyway....
Weird_Gurl7504 0
Twilight lovers are NOT faggots. We simply like/love a series of books. Some of the Twilight lovers just like it more than others. I personaly would never do anything like it but others are willing to. Also, She did say "I wish you were a vampire" but that doesn't mean she was talking about Edward Cullen or even Twilight. She could have been talking about other things such as The Vampire Diaries, True Blood, etc. etc. Just shut up and live with the fact that not everyone likes what YOU like. OP, I'm sorry but that's hilarious. Tee hee. - waits for people to start ranting about comment -
KianaJeneth 0
haha ur right #627 I totally agree with rverything u said
DishHeads 9
twilight ??? more like toilet
stopreadingmynam 0
lol
joshhk2012 0
ha twatlight
livcashtea 0
Haha sorry, but that is hilarious! Love it!
AsianPanda99 3
you're fault for not being a vampire. lmfao
Cerataphora 0
Don't sweat it, she's clearly a freak
lifesagamble 0
#1, I agree. It's like, everybody feels that they could find there own "Edward". :| Me too. I'm sorry about that. :(
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
Yourheadache 19
I agree,but I would like a jacob to go please, I like it rough ;)
biancagolden 0
******* Twilight has ruined the last of my teenage years.
EmmaMarieCullen 0
why does everyone say it's all Edwards fault I know that this FML is about vampires but people posted about just Edward in other twilight related FMLs and I don't have a friend one that's on team Edward all team Jacob and there is more than one vampire in twilight not just Edward could be alice or laurent emmet Jasper James carlisle esme Victoria the volturi
serioushamster 0
'shot in the face' ha my exact thought for a twilight fan girl/boy(?)
Crlnprz 11
well i seriously thought she said that because she got her period and that's why she had to go back xD
3reezee 0
when does it end?!?!?! twilight refuses to go away!!
Creston 0
So bite her. ...Then again, you probably got lucky. She may have bitten you. While her mouth was over your important parts. So yeah. FYL though.
plethora 3
Did you tell her you like to watch her sleep? That's what she wanted to hear.